fear of fears // gawsten

!chapter eight!

sorry for not updating for a hot minute - also this is in third person

awsten leaned against the door of the bathroom while his friends yelled at him from the other side. what he was going to do next was very unclear, even to him.

"awsten," geoff breathed. this was the first time he had spoken since awsten went into the bathroom. his voice was shaky, he was nervous and he had every right to be. his ex boyfriend was supposedly about to do something harmful to himself. "please come out."

the doorknob started to turn a little and soon enough, the door opened, revealing the bright blue haired boy. "yes?"

"did you- did you do it?" the oldest asked. awsten shook his head in response, his face looking as if he was upset about it. geoff hugged him without thinking, awsten quickly pushed him away. 

"don't hug me, dude, thats gross," awsten mumbled, walking back into his bedroom and sitting down on the bed. the other two boys followed, paying attention to his every move.

"you guys better sort this out soon," otto groaned before walking out of the room and locking them both in there alone like he did before. 

"awsten, what is wrong with me? what did i do to make you feel like breaking up with me? be honest," geoff questioned in a calm tone as he moved closer to him.

awsten ignored how close the other was and answered, "you didn't really do anything, i just overreacted when you left me here alone. but this is probably for the best, you know? i grew up in a christian household, maybe i should go back to that, maybe im not gay. i can't begin to interpret my feelings." that was perhaps the most personal thing he had ever told geoff in his life. geoff slowly nodded his head although he didn't completely understand.

"you wanna be religious again?"

"i mean. i guess," he looked at his lap and continued, "i'm afraid of dying, geoff, i don't wanna go to hell." geoff's confusion grew, awsten didn't seem like someone that would be afraid of going to hell or anything. he didn't know how to comfort awsten in this situation either, he didn't grow up in a religious family so he knew close to nothing about the bible and whatnot. "burning for eternity really doesn't sound fun, you know?"

"since when does it matter to you though?"

 "i was just thinking about it the other day," awsten shrugged as his eyes filled with tears, "its weird, i dont know. forget i said anything."

"don't think like that, all that matters is that you're happy, live life the way you want to," the brunette attempted to comfort the younger boy, making him smile a little.

"thanks i guess, that helps a little," awsten murmured, leaning into geoff's side.

sorry that this is kinna short