Dominating Hearts

Chapter 24

"So Madison, how have you been coping?"

"Good"

"How's your mother doing?"

"Good"

"The reports?"

"All good"

"Madison"

"Yes Mr Perez?"

"What's really been going on?"

"I don't think you'd be really interested so why don't I save us both the trouble?"  I beg him with my eyes, my mouth drawn in a single line to keep bursting into all the emotions I was really feeling at the pit of my stomach.

Everything that I'd buried in for the past few weeks was slowly forcing it's way out, the stringling fingers of the deep buried frustration, anger and loneliness wrapping me in its vile hold. I couldn't stay in the stuffy office anymore, pretending everything was fine, running around in circles with two boys while my mother drank away her youth. She needed help and I was quick losing days to keep hold of in my calender.

"Madison... I do care. That's why you're here, why I'm here. I've been concerned about you."

Mr perez was the school counsellor and for days he'd been running around to get hold of me for "heart to heart sessions". Every Wednesday we sat in his office after school hours, repeating the same circle again and again. Him trying to pry out answers from me and me being thin lipped.

"A little to late for that now right?", I answered more sharply that I had intended to. But then I realised, it was exactly how I was feeling on the inside. What was the point of all this? Nothing seemed to make much sense these days. Why am I watching what I eat, thinking before I speak, carrying on meaning less conversations when time seems to slip from beneath my fingers like quick sand. Might as well just forget what I've been taught for the last 17 years of my life and run off and do as I please.

"What.. what do you mean by that?"

"So you don't know? Damn and here I thought the teachers gossiped around about their students."

"I've heard- the one year- you've got one year- the rumour-"

It was scary to watch a man usually so confident, virtuous, curtious fall at the impact of my words. Death did that to people.

"Its not a rumour Mr Perez", I whispered as I heard a sharp intake of breath following my announcement. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the brutal impact of pity to hit my soul. I hated being pitied more than anything.

"Madison- if there's anything I can do- please-"

I looked up at him sharply, my brows drawn together," What do you think you can do, Mr Perez? Really?"

I knew I was being unfair on him, really, the man was just trying to help, but I couldn't stop. It was like I was on a high speed train, hurling fast towards my destruction and the lever was broken, and all I could do was watch in horror and wait for everything to start falling apart one by one around me.

"I know you've started seeing that boy. Alex.... are you sure he's good for you at this time...especially when you're....does he even know?"

Tears prickled at the back of my eyes. I hated being treated like I would break at any moment.

"Oh so what you think I'm contagious now, huh? Bad for people around me? Just cause I'm about to die I don't deserve to do normal teenage things? God, I can handle myself Mr Perez- I- please. I can't."

Now I was full on crying. I know what you're thinking, geez Madison dramatic much? But I couldn't help it. I couldn't help thinking after Mr Perez poked at the very thing I was so insecure about for days. That I'm toxic for those around me. They'd be better off without me around them, then at least it'd save them the heartbreak later.

Images flashed before my eyes. Cade and I talking all night. My parents and I eating dinner together. Riding on the back of Tristan's motorcycle. Dancing with Alex. My heart hurt.

I clutched at my chest as I heaved my bag over my shoulder and prepared a quick escape out of the stuffy office.

My vision was blurred by my tears. Everything hurts. Everything aches. I don't feel too good.

Mr Perez called my name, as he dashed behind me.

I looked up as I left the office to see Alex sitting outside in the waiting room, tossing a tennis ball at the wall in boredom. The ball rolled over and stopped at my feet. We both looked up at eachother.

Alex quickly stood up, his bag falling from his lap. I wondered how the scene looked to him. There was me looking like a mess, my eyes red and heavy with tears, as Mr Perez ran to catch up to me.

"What did you do to her?", Alex glared at the counceller as he reached out to hold me in his arms shielding me from the teacher, "I swear to god, you better start talking, you know I run this school, huh Perez? I could get you fired like that. My dad's funding the ground you walk on. So start talking at tell me why my girlfriend's crying."

My cheeks burned. I hated the way he was so assertive, I know he was trying to play the protective boyfriend but did he have to shove his father's money in everyone's face like that? It was not his golden ticket to everywhere.

"Mr King-", the teacher sounded

"Alex", I touched his arm, "please drop it. It's my fault I over reacted over nothing."

"I somehow find that hard to believe. I've known you for a short while but I know, I just know that you're tough, so something must have happened." He stared at me deeply, his eyes begging for an answer as he clutched at my hands, "Tell me so I can fuck him up."

"Can we just go? Please?", I whispered. I sounded tired. Done with the world. And I guess Alex picked up on it so he glared at Mr Perez one last time, promising that this wasn't over, plucked my bag from my arms and clutched my hand tightly. It was then I first started to feel like all my broken pieces were coming back together. His hold on me intensified as we walked out of there, and he shot me a side glance, one filled with concern and worry and curiosity. But he didn't prob. This was one difference between him and Tristan. Alex knew when to give me space.

His presence alone spoke a thousand words. It was comforting, it was like coming back home after a long day, a cup of hot coffee on a rainy day, retiring to bed with a book at the end of the day. And then he squeezed my hand like telling me it'll all be okay. And for a second, just for a second I let myself believe it.