Dominating Hearts

Chapter 20

It seemed like the whole world had stopped and I was on the edge . It was dangerous. I felt like I was holding my breath, and I desperately wanted to hit restart.

Where in the world was the restart button to my life? I want to go back to being a 5 year old, daddy's princess.

I want to go back to being that 15 year old with no regrets in world, living freely with her best friend, with a loving mother, and the only pain being was the one of not having a father.

I want to do back in the past and wish those works had never left Mr Smith's lips.

"I'm sorry but Madison has cancer."

I want to go back to the days and want to hit my younger self for even allowing my mother to touch a bottle of alcohol.

Why did I have to be such a coward? Couldn't I have just knocked the bottle out of her hand and told her, "No mom, please don't do this."

There were so many things I wish for. But the thing I most wish for right now, is to wipe away the hurt look on my best friend's face.

He refused to look away, even as his lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down.
His dark lashes brimmed heavy with tears; his hands clenched into shaking fists, in a desperate battle against the grief.
A lone tear traced down his cheek, and just like that, the floodgates opened.
He wept, tears streaming from his deep blue eyes, loud, heaving sobs tearing from his throat, and still he did not look away.

Finally he seemed to calm down for a bit, when he lunged forwards.

Surprised, I cried out, when Caden hugged me close.

He sobbed into my chest unceasingly, hands clutching at my shirt. I held him in silence, rocking him slowly as his tears soaked my chest. A tiny lapse let him pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before he collapsed again, his howls of misery worsening.

The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses, then starting again.

All I could do was hold him close to me, while I whispered encouraging words into his ear.

My eyes fluttered shut as I leaned my head against his.

I'd grown up with him. Spent my whole life with this guy, and sure I'd seen him cry before, but never had I seen him in such pain.

With a pang, I realised, I was the cause of it.

His voice was raw with sorrow and misery, and I couldn't help but question myself.

Did I do right by telling him? I quickly shook away those thoughts. No, it was better this way, he'd have time to arrange to this.

Caden was mumbling words into my chest, and I peered down at him carefully to hear out what he was saying.

"Why, why, why, why"

He kept on questioning.

Once again, I was angry at this world. How unfair was it? Why did I have to go so soon?

"Caden, caden?", I murmured gently as I pressed my lips to the top of his head.

He glanced up at me, his blonde hair sticking out in random directions from running his hands through it numberous times, eyes blood shoot, and rimmed with tears from crying so long.

My heart broke at the sight.

Still, he managed to look gorgeous.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?", he questioned in a hoarse voice.

My heart jumped in my throat at the question.

His voice wasn't cruel, it was gentle, broken. He sounded vulnerable.

"I- I didn't want to hurt you.", I replied.

A laughed a short pathetic laugh. It sounded forced and held no humour.

"Look at you, always thinking about other people. Putting everyone first, but what about you? What about all the hurt you went through alone? And the last year? When you spent in all coped up inside your room, all those lonely nights. When you walked through the halls with a huge burden on your shoulders. You tell me, how did that felt?"

At the end of his rant, I was crying. Tears leaked down my face, wet and hot. I was shaking. What do I tell him? How terribly lonely I felt? How much it pained me to look at my mother storing away her sorrows with a bottle of vodka?

How my heart stopped beating every time I looked at the calendar, how it taunted me.

1 year.
1 year.
1 year.

This time round, caden was the one who was holding me close. Whispering, "let it all out, baby girl.", as I cried like a baby.

The world can be a nasty place.

It seemed hours later, that I had stopped crying.

And if strangely felt... good. Relaxing. Like a part of the weight had been lifted from my chest. I could breathe a little more freely.

"Now can you please tell me-"

I cut off Caden by pressing my hand against his mouth.

"Please, can we change the topic? We can talk about this later. I-I don't think I can handle it anymore."

Caden looked like he was about to object, but he instead nodded understandingly.

Suddenly he smirked.

"So, want to come up with a plan to make player boy fall for you?"

And ladies and gentlemen, your two trouble makers finally reunite.

I smiled right back in the same manner.

"You bet."