To The World I Close My Eyes To See | chanlix

Chapter Thirteen

"Look who's still alive," Felix greeted as soon as Chan picked up the video call.

He was working on lyrics, sitting at his kitchen counter when Felix had called him. He had just got to his apartment and changed into more comfortable clothes before immediately starting to work, his mind filled with different ideas. Even though he usually didn't like to be interrupted when working, he hadn't wasted a second to answer Felix's call, eager to see the younger.

"You've literally been gone for four days," Chan pointed out, "and we texted today."

"That's still four days of not seeing your cute face, Chris," Felix said with his whole heart, looking proud of his words. Chan was about to melt at any second at the puppy look on Felix's face and the sound of his name on his lips.

"You're unbelievable," he murmured hiding his face. "How are things back home?" he asked, trying to divert the attention from the topic. His blush was still a big giveaway of his intentions and Felix chuckled fondly at the sight.

"Everything is alright but it's so boring here, now. Spending time there with you guys was way more fun than being back here," Felix confessed. He loved his home and his family but ever since coming back, he couldn't fight that feeling of something being out of place as if it wasn't completely right for him to be there.

"You can come to visit whenever you want, you know that, Lix," Chan reminded him, hoping his eyes conveyed how true his words really were.

Chan wasn't the only one who felt that same way. Changbin couldn't wait to see his best friend again, even though they had just spent three weeks together and Jisung kept asking when it would be possible for Felix to visit Korea for the second time.

"Of course and I wish it was easier to do that. It takes a lot of time and money to fly there," Felix explained his voice sounding sadder than it did before. It made him feel miserable how difficult it was to get to his friends and to be more connected to a part of his heritage.

Chan didn't like that troubled expression on Felix's face so he decided to distract him from those thoughts.

"How about your soulmate mark? Jisung told me you've finally got yours," Chan asked, cursing himself for the choice of topic. He couldn't deny that deep down the idea of hearing Felix gushing over his soulmate –over him– with his own ears made his heart speed up. He still felt guilty for lying to him but he was working on that.

"Oh, yes! Look, hyung," he said, moving his sweatshirt away a bit to reveal his collarbone. "Isn't it beautiful?" he asked, his eyes sparkling.

Chan couldn't suppress his smile. Seeing Felix's reaction with his own eyes and hearing the clear adoration in his voice made him even more confident about telling him the truth. He had always liked the stars he shared with his soulmate but he had never been too curious about them. Felix, on the other hand, looked like he couldn't stop talking about it and Chan found that extremely adorable.

"It is," he simply nodded, a soft smile always on his lips. "Is that a constellation?" he asked, already knowing the answer. He wasn't going to let the opportunity of seeing Felix being excited over it pass him by.

"Yes! I've searched it online and it's called Pyxis. Apparently, it represents a compass," Felix explained, his voice full of amazement. "Isn't it cute, hyung? It's supposed to be a guide for my soulmate and me," he continued, sighing softly and leaning his head on his hand.

That's when Chan was hit by the fact that Felix wasn't speaking about an abstract concept that didn't touch him in the slightest. On the contrary, that same mark Felix was so excited about was tattooed exactly on the same place of Chan's body, too. He had never searched any particular information about it or wondered too much about its meaning, he had always seen it just as a mark, a symbol. As he watched Felix being so passionate about it, he couldn't help feeling disappointed in himself for having never cared about it as much as he should have had.

"It really is cute, Lix. I'm sure you'll find your soulmate soon, you deserve it," Chan confessed softly, the fondness in his voice so evident that he couldn't even try to hide it.

There still was that fear in him, that voice whispering that Felix didn't want to have him as his soulmate. Despite that, seeing the blinding smile on the younger's face and the way his eyes sparkled every time he thought about the one meant for him, Chan couldn't bring himself to lie any longer. Maybe Felix wouldn't have accepted him in the way he hoped for, but he deserved to know the truth, now more than ever. And if Felix ever did, in fact, accept him as his missing piece, Chan would have been the luckiest guy on earth to be able to call him his.

"Thank you, Chris," Felix said softly, his eyes mirroring that softness present in Chan's own. "Actually, you've never told me what your mark is," he suddenly whined, pouting like a child.

Before finding out Felix was his soulmate, they had talked about his mark just once, Felix not pressuring him into saying anything he wasn't comfortable with. In fact, Felix knew Chan had received his mark on his 20th birthday but the older had never told him what his tattoo was. Chan had, of course, made sure not to tell anything after finding out Felix's was matching his.

Instead of feeling panic at the sudden question, Chan couldn't help but smile at the unique situation they were in. He watched as the younger pouted at him through the screen of his phone.

"I'm showing you next time we meet each other," Chan promised, meaning every single word even though Felix wasn't able to fully understand them yet. According to Jisung, their shared dreams were going to happen every two or three days and Chan was now more than sure to reveal everything to Felix the next time their souls met during the night.

"But, hyung," Felix whined, his voice pitched higher, "that's going to take ages to happen."

Chan burst out laughing, the circumstances too hilarious to him while the younger faked an offended expression on the other side of the phone.

"Hey, maybe we'll see each other earlier than what you think," Chan teased, not planning to reveal anything to Felix at that moment but still taking advantage of his position to have a bit of fun. Hopefully, Felix could laugh over it too once he knew everything

It was an hour into the conversation when Felix suddenly noticed the time and cursed himself for having lost track of it because he was now going to be late for dance practice. Pouting at the idea of having to hang up, Felix made Chan promise to call him more often, before ending the call with a last blinding smile which Chan couldn't erase from his eyes even after the screen went blank.

When he looked at the loose sheets where he was writing lyrics before Felix had called him, he watched surprised as the right part of the paper, right next to his messy and confused words, was filled with stars he didn't even notice he had drawn. Those stars were a perfect copy of the mark Felix had proudly shown him and he was hiding on his own skin. He laughed incredulously at his own behaviour, realising now that he had been doodling the whole duration of the call with the younger.

Staring at the confusion of words and doodles in front of him, he shook his head and, not believing himself, he took another blank sheet of paper. Not even wondering why he was doing it, he started to draw that same constellation again but, this time, he put extreme care in every stroke, the sight of Felix's freckles printed in his mind as he let his hand roam.

Chan was aware of the fact that if he wanted to be reminded of Felix, he could simply glance at the mark tattooed on his own collarbone but that didn't stop him from pining the drawing on the wall of his bedroom, smiling softly at it.

He could understand why Felix loved it so much.