To The World I Close My Eyes To See | chanlix

Chapter Seventeen

As their relationship started to get more serious and the prospect of the future constantly lingered in their minds, Chan felt the need to get closer to Felix, not just emotionally but physically too. The fact that their souls had the opportunity to meet so often even with an ocean between their bodies was a blessing but it still didn't allow them to forget that it wasn't completely real.

Something in those dreams always felt faint as if their emotions were half as strong as they would have been in real life. It was an awareness that was always at the back of their minds and even in their happiest moments, it was hard to forget that the situation wasn't easy. Even after years of waiting for his soulmate, Chan still couldn't live a relationship with them in the same way any of his friends did.

Apparently, Felix felt the same and Chan smiled to himself at the memory of the conversation they had weeks before.

Video calls were something constant during their days together since it was the only way for them to feel like they were actually talking face to face. If before their phone and video calls were filled with curious questions and endless talking, over the months they had got to know each other through the dreams, the calls had become nothing more than a way to feel the other close.

More often than not, they did their own stuff silently, casting glances to the screen from time to time, just to smile fondly at the sight of the other boy's focused expression through it. It almost felt like being in the same room and they soon understood that sometimes no words were needed to let the other know that, despite everything, they were there.

Chan was sitting on the floor in front of his coffee table with his laptop opened on it while he quickly wrote things on a loose piece of paper. The moving screen staring at him showed Felix just as busy with writing an essay due in two days from then. Both rooms were quiet, neither of the two wanting to bother the other with music or unnecessary conversations.

Another half an hour passed in that way until Felix finally finished what he had been working on and focus his attention on the boy on the other side of the screen. He felt his lips turn into a smile at the sight of Chan poking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, probably too concentrated on his work to even notice.

For a second, Felix debated staying silent, not wanting to make Chan lose his train of thoughts but this couldn't wait.

"Hyung?" Felix called gently, not to startle the boy with the sudden ring of a voice in the otherwise silent room. "Can I talk to you for a second? I don't want to bother if you're busy though," Felix asked shyly, knowing how annoyed Chan got every time someone interrupted him while he was working.

Chan was indeed busy but he also was starting to get frustrated with how things weren't working out the way he wanted them to, so he figured that a short break could perhaps help. Besides, there was nothing that could actually make Chan turn down a chance to talk to Felix, not when this was all they could do during the day.

"Sure, I'm stuck anyways," Chan agreed easily, smiling fondly at the boy on his screen.

Even in the pixelated image the poor connection created, Chan could see how Felix was bouncing in his seat, both excitement and nervousness written all over his face. Chan wondered what could make him feel such contrasting emotions all at once.

"You look like you've just drunk a dozen coffees," Chan pointed out as Felix stayed silent, even though he now had all his attention. "But I know you don't like coffee, so what's up?" he asked, fondness mixing with concern in his voice.

"I'm just really happy. And a bit nervous," Felix admitted, blushing bright red at something Chan still didn't know. He had only seen him like this when he had finally found the courage to ask Chan about what they were, the next time their souls met after their first kiss together.

Chan didn't say more, just moved the laptop closer so it could clearly focus on his face and he tilted his head to the side to let Felix know he was ready to listen.

"You know I just started my second year in uni here, right?" Felix began, talking extremely slowly as if he was focusing to catch every single of Chan's reactions. As the older nodded, he kept talking. "There's a path my college offers where students can attend the first two years here and the last two in a foreign country," Felix explained and Chan started to understand where the conversation was going.

"In any foreign country? Korea too?" he asked, hopefully. He could guess the answer for that from the way Felix nodded to himself.

"Korea too," he confirmed. "I asked how that worked and they told me that no country is excluded, as long as I attend a university that offers the same major I'm taking here," Felix explained, sure of the information.

Chan's heart sped up at the words. Not only had Felix considered the idea but had even made sure that everything could work before breaking out the news to Chan.

"Is it something that you can actually do? Is it open to everyone?" Chan shot question after question, his excitement growing at what Felix's words could imply.

"My grades here are already excellent and the fact that I attended high school there already is a huge bonus. I still need to figure some things out but it is a possibility," Felix softly announced, not really knowing how Chan could take it. He wasn't dumb and he knew Chan wanted to be with him just as much as he did but the news was still a lot to take in and he hoped he hadn't overwhelmed him.

"If this happens," Chan started gulping heavily, "how long will it take?"

All Felix could see in Chan's eyes was hope, the same hope swimming in his chest too.

"If everything goes as planned it should take up to twelve months. If they manage to fasten the process, probably less," Felix informed, the words sounding so foreign on his lips.

The mere idea of actually being able to do that was something he hadn't fully realised yet. Felix saw the realisation down on Chan as the older broke into a smile so huge that Felix was afraid it could have torn his face in a half. Just as that smile came and the words settled, it disappeared, leaving the place for a frown.

"Don't get me wrong, having you here would make me very happy," Chan started, "but you moved all the way back home just to attend the university you're in now. You're sure you won't regret it?"

Chan felt a rush of adrenaline running through his body at the idea of having Felix there with him for more than a few days, finally living the life with his soulmate both of them had always dreamed of. At the same time, he still couldn't shake off the realisation that Felix was about to give up on his dream just to be closer to him. If anything happened, Felix would have ruined his life just because of him.

"I moved here before I knew you were there," Felix reminded him, flushing bright red when he grasped the words he had just said out loud. It wasn't that he didn't mean them but it was still a thought he hadn't planned to voice. "I'm sorry, that was cheesy," he apologized, breaking eye contact with the screen to play with something laying on his desk.

Chan thought about those words, about how obvious it was that Felix really meant them. This boy was ready to change the plans he had worked so hard for just to live his life by his side just as they had promised each other.

"It's fine," Chan choked, a lump of emotions stuck in his throat, making it hard to talk. "Believe me, it's even more than fine," his voice cracked.

Somehow it felt like the confession they had both been waiting for.