Illusions [Ateez x Reader]

Chapter 12

     The next morning I did my normal routine and headed to KQ. I had just entered the lobby when my name was yelled from across the room. I turned to see Lukas waving widely my way, causing me to wince then return a fake smile. It's too early.

    "Hey Y/N!"

     Why, just why?

   I wince, but turn to face him with a forced smile. "Hey Lukas, how are you?"

    "Oh just great now that you are here," he giggles.

    Okay, this isn't so bad.

    "Aww that's really sweet. Are you working this morning?" I question.

    He nods his head. "Yeah, my shift starts in like thirty minutes. I just wanted to get here earlier."

    "Oh cool," I nod. This boy isn't so bad I guess.

     "Yeah, so are you working with Eden again today?" Lukas wonders, looking extremely interested.

     I nod, a real smile slowly building on my face. "Yeah, I'm probably gonna have to work with him for a while."

    "Really?"

    "Yeah, our project is going to take a while. But, I don't hate working on it. It has actually been fun."

    Lukas' smile widens and he lets out a cute little chuckle. "Don't hate it? Really? That's how you describe it?"

      "Well yeah," I shrug. "I wasn't extremely excited about it in the beginning, but it has definitely grown on me."

    "That's great."

     "Yeah, its cool I guess."

    Lukas and I continue to talk for the next few minutes, laughing and generally enjoying the conversation. Suddenly, I hear a cough from behind me, and I turn to see Ateez.

    "Hey boys," I greet awkwardly.

     Wooyoung looks at me with a slightly annoyed face. "You are a bit late by about ten minutes."

     I look at the clock and see that he is right. "Shit, I'm so, so sorry. I completely lost track of time."

     Mingi looks over my head and at Lukas. "Who are you?"

     "Lukas, nice to meet you."

     "Yeah," Yunho nodded absently. "Y/N we need to go work."

     I look at him then sigh. "Yeah I guess. Bye Lukas, it was great to see you again."

     He nods, looking at the boys with a empty gaze, then back to me with a smile. "Bye Y/N. I hope we can talk again soon."

    I wave goodbye and walk ahead of the boys, them trailing after me almost protectively. We reach the recording station and I head straight for one of the seats at the soundboard.

    "Okay then, where is Eden?"

     "He had to step out for a while," Seonghwa answered me coldly.

     "Okay, then we can get started without him," I suggest.

      Jongho shakes his head. "Not yet."

     "Wait, why?" I ask, confusion settling in.

     "Who was that guy?" Hongjoong interrogates.

     I sigh, annoyed. "He is a fan of my YouTube channel. I just met him yesterday."

      "You seemed really cozy with him talking though," Yeosang utters.

     "He's just nice to talk to," I whine.

      "You shouldn't get too close to him," San warns.

      I roll my eyes. "And why is that, San?"

      "Because you shouldn't be around other men," San answers.

     "Why?"

     "You are our soulmate!"

     I scoff. "Oh really?"

     "Yes really," Mingi nods.

    "No I am NOT!" I shriek. "And who gives you the right to control who I hang out with?!"

    The boys looked stunned.

"You don't get to choose who I talk to! You don't have the right to even comment on it! You lost that four years ago. Now, you maybe will finally see what it was like for me when you guys cheated! I don't need you to care about anything in my life!"

None of the boys spoke, but I didn't expect them to. "I don't know why I ever thought I could work with you guys. I can't do this anymore. I can't stay around you. It has been fun some, but I know deep down you won't change. I can't allow myself the pain of getting dragged right back into the same scenario."

"You are never going to let this go, are you?" Wooyoung questions.

"Am I ever ever going to let you crushing my heart and almost killing me go? No, probably not."

Hongjoong speaks up. "We just want you to love us again. We want you to forgive us."

I sigh. "Love is overrated when all it does is hurt. And forgiveness is something you have to earn. And you haven't yet."

With that, I rush from the room and out of the building. I race to my house and immediately rush up to my recording room. Tears cascade down my cheeks as I try to calm my breathing. Instead of calming myself down, I just decide to play a song. It always helps.

[The Scientist by Coldplay]

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

   Angry tears burn as the fall down my face.

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

My grip on my guitar tightens and my voice cracks.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

   I close my eyes, trying to wash my life away.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

I don't want to ever get hurt again.

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

   I know I will get hurt again.

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

I put the guitar to my side, my tears slowing down. Angrily, I clutch my hair in my hands and yell, allowing my voice to go hoarse from how painful my screams are.

You can't hurt my anymore, boys. I will never let you hurt me again