The Dark Abyss

January 15, 2018, The end of the journey

As I am reaching the last page of this short diary, I feel as though I must ask you a question for the journey we have been through!

what is it that you fear?

I wonder if it is something truly frightening like the imminent death that is slowly approaching you with the intent of ending every dream and every memory you possessed making you nothing, it is as though you never even existed after death. I am told by many that there is heaven after death, but truly why would we fear such a simple curse as death if there is no end, I guess it's the uncertainty often testing one's own belief of God. God, he seems to be quite pleasant, but only a few seem to understand his ruthlessness, that is if he existed testing his followers' belief by not showing himself in front of the mortals, such a thing makes you question if the man even existed in the first place. I wonder if the hassle of writing such a book is worth it, ending each and every personification one by one just as a way to say goodbye, I wonder if it was all worth it to be sane at the end, I truly wonder what it's like outside the doors of this Hospital. I am told by many it is a different place now, oh the time I spent inside for 20 years, I don't even know anything anymore and for all of it to end in a couple of days!

Sadly I just wished I could be more, but maybe it was asking too much, then again the only people who cared for me died at the very end and now I am left with my mind, a deserted mind and finally I have reached solace in life for once, it was a good thing writing in this book, at least this helped more than anything!

Lost in the depths of space, just wonder what it's like, I mean there are like several meteors, planets, and satellites, yet it feels almost empty though we have forsaken ourselves from the desperate past we so wish to abandon, our past makes us an entity with a changing purpose, an entity that is too complex for one to fully understand and yet anybody who is as simple as one can be could tell you that you merely an organism roaming in the depths of a vast essentially finding purpose. I have always wondered this, why do we draw meaning from the art presented by an artist with an empty mind, it is as though we fill our minds with deep meaning and start conquests vast and deep eventually finding the source to the problem and then creating illusions with the intent of hiding a truth....................

Then again, I am hiding a truth that I one day wish to spread. But, all I truly know is that I am told to be psychotic.