Uncontrollable

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I place the tarp atop my shoulder and turn around. I gasp, dropping the tarp in horror, at an unknown figure in the doorway. I'm calmed once the figure talks.

"Geez, you scared the crap outta me!! What are you doing? I don't need help with the tarp, it's actually kinda light," I ramble, his eyes are dark, digging at me.

"I didn't come here to help you," Dalin mumbles coldly. "I came here to see if you truly are yourself. That-that thing you were out there wasn't you. Was it?" He doesn't wait for me to answer he just continues, obviously as nervous as me.

Why does he have this effect on me. I'm a powerful Warrior yet this boy just makes me stupefied.

"I just don't understand. I'm trying to defend you, but every time I do I'm reminded of the cold, heartless way you killed that girl. How could you do that so mercilessly? She was going to die! Hell Hector even told you to stop! I try to make up reasons why you were so, so dead inside."

My insides are sinking, drowning as water of his disgust for me fill my lungs. Once again, I'm berated by memories. Only this time, I close my eyes tightly. My breathing falters slightly, but I'm still capable of holding myself upright. I try to focus on something else other than the voice assaulting me. Nothing is working, I'm getting the memories of what Dalin just yelled to me. Memories of the feeling of how my blade went so easily in her chest, the plunging of my sword multiple times, and the thrill I got from it.

NO THAT'S NOT ME!!! IM NOT A KILLER!!! I WILL NOT REVEL IN THAT MEMORY EVER!

When the memory has its full of taunting me, I open my eyes.

Dalin is staring at me, completely confused. His hand reached toward me, but quickly stops looking at my arm.

OH SHIT THE BLOOD

His once loving eyes turn to disgust. I drop my head and gather the tarp in my arms. I shove past Dalin, hoping that my gesture will get him to understand I'm done with the conversation. Or the one sided conversation. Dalin follows me down the hall.

"Are you- you look fine," he assures himself before asking.

Well I guess he hates me now. I don't blame him, I murdered someone in cold blood, no remorse. I try to speed up my walking, but he keeps up easily. Damn him and his long legs. Gah lee, did I really have to fall for someone who was taller that me. Geez will this hallway never end, it feels like I've been walking in it for centuries. As I'm complaining inside my mind, I realize he's still talking to me.

"...don't know how to defend you. I don't really know if I want to."

That's the last straw. I've been beating myself up about this since I was out of Oblivion!! I sure as hell don't need him trying to make me feel worse. I halt just before we hit the stairs, causing him to run into me.

"ENOUGH!!! Okay? I understand what I did. You think I'm okay with what I did? Do you honestly think I have no regrets? I feel terrible okay! I wish I could take it back, I wish I could have stopped everything from happening!!!" Dalin looks at me in shock, I'm being a bitch, but I'm on a roll. "You don't wanna defend me, then stop! I don't need you helping or defending me! Who I need is my Warrior, and you know what? HE'S DEAD. DEAD BECAUSE OF ME!!! I can never EVER bring him back, no matter how much I want him to be here. You think that because you saw what happened that you actually know what happened? You don't! You don't know anything," I'm yelling, certainly causing so much noise my Warriors will be here shortly. The dam in my eyes is beginning to break, leaking water down my face.

"We; the humans you're supposed to be protecting could've died!!! And what, you wouldn't have cared!! All you care about is your precious little Warriors!!!" Dalin is careful with his words, sure not to mention himself solely.

"My precious Warriors! My Warriors are the only ones I care about, and vice versa," that's when I realize my mistake.

"The only ones huh, so I guess I don't matter right? I'm only a stupid boy," his eyes are full of hurt but my rage hasn't ceased.

"Dalin, I...they're the only ones I trust. You used to be one of those people I could trust. What you said was right. But what you said also hurt. A lot. I'm not, I'm not a great person Dalin. I trust few people, because of my weakness of-of my other side. I didn't wanna hurt you or anyone else. I'm ashamed of what I did to Azrael, what I did to Hector, and the life that was mistakenly taken from my Warrior. You're important to me. You and all the others here. If I frightened you I hadn't meant to, and I apologize for my actions," I speak in a quiet tone to control my feelings.

Dalin raises his hand, this time touching my arm. The spot on my arm that's touching him tingles. "I know you didn't mean to. It's just, god, it's just that what happened really got me thinking. You protected your Warriors before you protected us. What happens if they come again?" His questions stirs something in me.

"I've protected you and the others before I've protected my own on multiple occasions! What's it gonna take to get it through your head! I will ALWAYS protect your kind before I protect my own, I LOVE YOU," the words are out f my mouth before my brain can function what's been said.

Dalin's head snaps up as if I slapped him. "What did you just say," he whispers. His grip on my arm gets tighter as he waits in anticipation.

"I-I said...," I stutter not managing to get the words out before our secluded conversation is interrupted.

My Warriors decide to show, what a freaking perfect time! There's a headache forming on the right side of my head. Adriel and Tony look out of breath.

"Where were you? We searched the entire 2 levels," Tony grunts.

Adriel eyes Dalin and me warily as he catches his breath.

I shrug out of Dalin's grasp as I walk toward my Warriors. I stand in the middle of them.

"You wanna know why I care so much about my Warriors. It's because they're-it's because they're my brothers. My family, my blood, my life. If I lost them, I'd go crazy. When Jeremy died, that's exactly what happened with me. I protected my kin before the humans because you were in the safety of the shield. Not because of some reason you seem to have conjured up in your head. I'm not sorry for protecting them. I won't apologize for that. I never will. Not to you, or anyone else for that matter. My life belongs with them--My warriors. So long as they want me around, I will always protect them. I made an oath to protect those who couldn't protect themselves and those I care about. Not you, me, or anyone else is going to get in the way of me keeping my swear."

And with that I turn and run down the steps, leaving all faces stunned as I revealed my biggest secret.