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Chapter 16 Doors

Lennon's pov

He won't leave. He's loud enough that I can't sleep and he's breaking my heart. He's stopped asking me to let him in. He's just repeating my name over and over. I'm curled up on the couch trying to hide under a blanket from the sound of his voice.

"Lenny, Lenny, Lenny,"

"Shut up," I whisper. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" I scream. I jump off the couch, take a flying leap, and kick the door as hard as I can.

"Lenny-"

"Shut up!" I yell, kicking the door again. Unwanted tears streaming down my face. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"Just let me in, Lenny,"

"No!" I'm sobbing like a toddler. "I'm trying to do the right thing! Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Lenny please,"

"Goddamnit just let me be a good person for once," I'm curled up with my back against the door. "Just let me redeem myself."

"Lenny please let me in."

"I can't."

"Why?"

I break. I can't speak through the tears. Andy's trying to convince me to calm down but I just keep sobbing. I feel completely empty. I reach up and unlock the door.

Andy pushes the door open and picks me up off the floor. He carries me over to the couch and let's me cry against his chest. I'm sobbing uncontrollably, hiccuping and wheezing. I go on like this until I've cried myself to a stop.

"Are you okay?" Andy runs his fingers through my hair.

"Fuck no," I crack a slight smile, then hiccup.

He moved his hands from my hair to my back, rubbing large circles. "Do you wan to tell me what's wrong?"

I can't look at him but begin to explain, "When I was little this guy stayed here and he would pull me into his room whenever he could and.. do things.. to me. I never told anyone. He stayed all the time because of business trips and he did this to me for years. He threatened that if I told anyone he'd tell everyone it was my fault and that I made him do it. Of corse as a little kid I believed him!

"So one day, I told him I wouldn't do it. He got mad and hit me, knocked me out actually and just left me on the floor of his room. I woke up and he was raping my sister, Bea. I screamed and someone heard me and came in and saved us. The guy got arrested but if I wouldn't have told him I wouldn't do it he wouldn't have done anything to Bea and if I just would have told someone in the first place none of that would have happened."

Andy looks at me, stunned.

"You think I'm fucked up now," I stare back at him.

"I thought you were fucked up before," he begins. I frown at him and begin to speak but he covers my mouth with his hand and finishes, "and I like you that way. I don't give a fuck about what some creep did to you when you were little. I mean, I do give a fuck. I want to go beat the fuckers brains out with a bat, but that doesn't change what I think of you."

He removes his hand from my mouth and kisses me. I kiss him back, I can't help myself. He's all shirtless and needy and insanely sexy. He makes me want to do unspeakable things. He pulls me closer to him and wraps his arms around my waist, deepening the kiss. He moves to take off my shirt and I stop his hands.

"No," I mumble against his lips.

"Why not?" He murmurs back.

"Because," I say indignantly, pushing myself away from him, "I'm not some easy piece of skirt that's going to spread her legs for you whenever you want. That's what your girlfriend is for."

"Well maybe my girlfriend drugged me last night and now I've decided to break up with her. Can we do this now then?" He grins at me and rests his hand on my uncovered thigh.

"Once you've broken up you're more than welcome to do this," I grin, removing his hand.

"Oh come on Len," he pouts.

"You fuck with my brain Biersack," I laugh.

"Is that a bad thing?" He grins at me.

"In times like this, yes!" I laugh, moving out of his lap and onto the couch. "I'm trying to be a good girl, for God's sake! Can't you respect that?" I punch his shoulder playfully.

"What's wrong with you being a bad girl?" He raises an eyebrow.

"My bad girl side is too much for you champ," I giggle slightly. "You wouldn't be able to handle her."

"What couldn't I handle?" He asks.

I roll my eyes. "When I'm in the mood I do some pretty crazy shit. Like Fifty Shades of Grey type shit. And a hell of a lot of drugs. Honestly, drugs are my favorite. If I could smoke pot and fuck boys every day, I'd be a happy girl."

"So why not?" Andy puts his arm around my shoulder. "I'd love for you to tie me to this couch and have your way with me."

"Because that's the stuff that gets me in trouble," I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. "How do you think we got into this mess?"

"Instagram," Andy replies, cracking a smile.

"God damn Instagram," I laugh.

"So have we made up?" Andy asks, getting serious.

"I'm not sure," I answer. "I did vent to you about the biggest regret of my life but I didn't sleep with you. So I'm not sure."

"Give it some time," he smiles at me. "Speaking of time, what time is it?"

"Four thirtyish I think," I answer.

"Can I sleep here the rest of the night? Juliet kidnapped my room," he looks pleadingly at me.

I smile at him, "Sure. If I let you share the bed with me on have to promise not to do anything, alright?"

"Promise," he smiles at me, "now come on," he stands and holds out his hand. "You need a cuddle,"

I grin at him and take his hand.