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Chapter 17 Numb

Juliet's pov

Andy bailed hours ago and I've been sitting here feeling like an idiot. I've gotten really caught up in getting more publicity for myself, trying to network my band and the only way I could think of to do that was using my boyfriend. I've also done a lot of other stupid shit, trying to get signed with different tours and getting new gigs. The pills are a side affect of my stress. I needed something to relax and a few of my friends and I went and had some fun, bought some pills, smoked a bit and shot up. I liked it, honestly. It wasn't my first experience with drugs, but it was the first time I really felt like I needed them, not just like I was bored and had nothing better to do.

I'd also been with a lot of guys. I'm not going to tell Andy. Why would I? I was doing it to help me, to help us. We're a team. I needed to get ahead with my music. He'd understand if I told him. But I'm not going to. He'd be heartbroken. I care about his feelings like he cares about mine.

I roll out of bed and decide to go looking for Andy. I pull on one of his shirts, a pair of shorts, do a line off the headboard of the bed, then head downstairs, hoping his band mates will know where he went off to.

The dining room isn't crowded and I find Ashley, Jake, Jinxx and CC eating breakfast. I pull up a chair and sit down with them, ordering a plate of waffles from the green-haired serving girl.

"Where's Andy?" I ask, smiling at them.

"No clue," CC answers, sipping his orange juice.

"Are you sure?" I pout.

"Yeah," Ashley says, "and I'm sure that there's coke on the inside of your nose."

I cover my nose with my hand, my eyes widening.

"What the hell Juliet?" Jake growls. "Since when are you doing coke?"

"It's not major," I answer, still covering my nose. "Just a little boost for my morning."

"That's fucked up," Ash says, glaring at me.

"It's just for fun," I'm getting defensive. "I'm not addicted or anything, just bored."

"Sure," Ash rolls his eyes.

"Fine," I stand up, knocking over my chair, "if you don't know where Andy is, I'll go looking for him myself." Everyone stares at me as I storm out of the dining room.

I walk through the hotel, looking in unlocked rooms, broom closets, everywhere. I need to find him and fix everything from last night. I'm starting to panic. Where the hell is he? I really doubt he went farther than here. He didn't look that great when he left and I don't want anything to happen to him that would be my fault.

I wander around until I find a door that opens on a dimly lit staircase. A couple are kissing at the top of the stairs and they look up as I open the door. I freeze as their faces register. Andy and that photography girl. Photo girl steps away from Andy and starts trying to apologize to me, saying how sorry she is and how this is all her fault. Andy just stares at me, dumbstruck. I thought he loved me. Why would he do this to me? He starts walking down the stairs, reaching out to touch me.

I shriek as his hand touches me, "Don't touch me you bastard!"

He tries to say something, calm me down maybe but I keep screaming.

"I was good to you! Why did you do this! She's not even that pretty! I remember why I used to hate you! Don't fucking touch me!" I turn and sprint out the door. I keep running until I get back to my room.

Locking the door behind me, I start tearing through my suitcase, looking for my pills, my coke, my liqueur, anything I can get my hands on. I grab everything and lock myself in the bathroom. I spread everything out on the tiled floor, deciding what to do first. I pop the top off the beer bottle and take a quick sip, then swallow four assorted pills. The numbness sweeps my body, making me smile. I pull my room key out of my pocket and start making lines. I take another sip of beer before rolling up a dollar bill and doing the first line. Take a pill, do a line. Take a sip, do a line. My tears are falling into my crack and I can't stop them. I don't feel myself crying either. I don't feel anything. Not the hurt, or the betrayal or the utter emptiness. I can't feel anything. I slowly close my eyes and let the numbness wash over my body and take me away.