Uncertain Thoughts.

All the words I could've said.

There are Feelings that we could have felt, tears that we could have cried, confessions we could have made but we didn't because we fear losing something that is important to us. In life, we hold back a lot of things even when we have the perfect chance to speak up we chose to stay quiet instead. We know we might regret every word we didn't say, every feeling that we denied and every single little thing we let go.

I'm sorry. To the ones I've hurt knowingly or unknowingly, I know I mess up a lot. I say things that I don't mean and don't express my feelings the way I should. If you have chosen to leave me I won't blame you because I know I can be crazy to handle sometimes and if you are still sticking around then I am glad to have your back.

It's funny how things change. One day when we finally see things falling right back in place something so drastic happens and our worlds fall apart all over again. Those people who we thought would be with us for a little longer just disappear from our lives like they never existed. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes we just don't let it bother us. What if we met the right people at the wrong time just because we spent the right time with the wrong people? Sometimes I still wonder, what if I wasn't supposed to let it all go because letting go should not feel like a burden. 

 To the ones I almost had, I was crazy to think almost could turn into forever. You know there are some people who stay with us for almost forever. That's you. Almost is a word that gives hope but in reality, it means nothing. In all the almosts I've ever come across, you were the one who meant the most to me.i wonder if you reach out to me, just to say you miss me and you miss my voice. I wonder if I still cross your mind when you listen to the songs we jammed to. I wish you didn't leave. I wish you stayed a little bit longer because staying doesn't mean hurting.

 Yes, I miss some people who I've let go, willingly or unwillingly and maybe I'm still not ready to let go because like most of the people living in this world I fear something so great so beautiful and surreal won't happen twice. Some nights I do lie in my bed with my phone googling for answers that I have never found. How long does it take to let go? How to distract yourself? How to not care? And numerous more but then I realized that instead of googling things why don't we write down all our truths. So I started this blog, to be true to myself. So if you're reading this, it is a message to you to do everything that you want to and have no regrets. 

Texting first doesn't kill, apologizing doesn't harm, showing you care doesn't mean your weak and confessing your feelings doesn't mean you are vulnerable. So I'm sorry for hurting you and to the one I could not confess when I had the time to, I loved you. 

To everyone who meant something to me, these were all the words I couldn't say.