Uncertain Thoughts.

Untitled.

Isn't it funny how we all start as strangers? we never really cared about our future, about fast-forwarding time. we cared about now. we always cared about now. time changes, it has been a few years now and you're best of friends with the people who were once strangers. sooner or later we find ourselves drifting, like bottles in the lost sea trying to end up at the shore. we try to grasp all the last few pieces of our friendships because we find out that everything will soon be out of our control and it has gone, all gone, vanished. Here we are now more distant than strangers. 

When they mentioned 21st June as doomsday, It wasn't about the world ending. It was more like we are losing ourselves or those few people that we genuinely care about. You can feel YOUR world end, shatter into bits and pieces without any damn explanation. after 2 years now, this is the first time I've felt distant from my best friend, weird right? It's okay though well figure it out, I trust the process. its fathers day too, the whole day I saw kids posting about their fathers all over the internet. have yall EVER thought about those kids who don't have a father or their relation is complicated? it'll make them wonder why their dads aren't with them, that hurts me. You know trust issues don't always come by failed relationships. some of us had family members and friends who hurt us and betrayed us, who broke our trust. Disloyalty from anybody can result in trust issues. 

It's 4 am. No, I didn't wake up early, I just didn't get any sleep today. I have a restless mind and my subconscious asking me all sorts of questions I have no answers to. Do you ever meet a person who is just so... Different than the rest of the people you've ever met? a too good of a  human, who magically appears in your life and becomes an important part.  Sometimes my head can't help but wonder what their "motive" is behind staying close to me and making me feel important.  I mean, all the people that I've met, almost all of them have a reason to talk to me, be with me, chose me so on and so forth. Most of the people who I call friends are selfish. They always have a reason to be there from me. If they're reading this then, no offense guys but at some point, yall HAVE hurt me. I did forgive you but I haven't forgotten a thing. Words bleed. 

As scary it is to find peace in building bridges to let people it, it's important. I've learned that. You can't always push people away, there are a few that you'd want to keep close. Life's too short to be taken so seriously. I watched a movie in the afternoon today "all the bright places" and among all of the things I'd want to do before I die, I really want to live. Each moment without any regret, each second without any doubt. I want to fall in love with little things, like the snow falling on the busy streets of New York City, like the clear beaches of Maldives and Hawaii, like the splendid sunsets of Santorini, Greece. 

There are things that we don't have control over and we cannot do anything about it but there are some things that are under our control which we overlook thinking about tomorrow. those same things become our regrets today. I don't want to have them, regrets. I don't think I regret anything in my life to date. I don't regret my biggest mistake or my silliest fight, the happy tears, or the ones that were overflowed sorrow. Everything I did, makes me who I am today, and I'm a little proud of how I turned out to be. yes, insecurities still suck but that's okay. I've learned to live with them. When I think about insecurities that's when I wish to see myself from other people's points of view, the ones who love me. Maybe it's then when I understand why they call me "pretty" or give me any compliment. 

These are my vague morning thoughts, thank you for reading them. I hope you found reflections of your self or remembered old memories and to an extent found peace within the words. have a great day. xD