Surviving Him (ON HIATUS FOR UPDATE AND FIXINGS)

Oblivion, Infinity, Metaphors

Caelum and I stayed out in the woods, cuddling. Neither of us had plans to move. He was on the near edge of sleep and I was wide awake. I can't sleep with the sun shining still, but Caelum looked comfortable enough he could have a catnap.

The main reason I was wide awake is, my mind won't shut off. It's going million gears a second and I can't focus on one thing. I wanted to check on Annie and see if she was doing better, but I also wanted to be away, right here with Caelum where it's quiet. But then I wanted to go back up to Julian and screw up his face more. I was pissed to hell and back. Nothing was fixing this. It'd run its course and I'd calm when I felt the need to be.

Caelum soon gave into the sleep that consumed him and I heard his soft baby snores. I smile down to him and kiss his forehead, gently brushing back the little hairs that frame his face. I cared for him more than I'd thought. He hasn't done much for me but smiled and let me know he was there. But it was enough.

"Mmmhmm..maaammmnaeee..."

I look down to Caelum hearing him babble and I giggle quietly. "Yes.. I know.." I softly answered back as if I understood him. Then his snoring started again.

I sigh and watch him sleep. His little chest rises and falls with each small even breath. You can tell he's sleeping peacefully. No thoughts. No nightmares. The nights I wish I had, but can never get. Maybe one day I'll....nah.

"Sabby?"

I snapped my attention up seeing Josh. He's showered from the looks of his wet hair and the smell of fresh soap that I know is lavender. He's used his mom's shower gel or body wash. He sees Caelum and smiles a little.

"Shhh.." I gesture for him to be silent and wave him over. He steps over and kneels down in front of us. With that, he's my height. Face to face.

"Sorry...didn't know.." He watches Caelum for a moment then looks to me. "You alright?"

A question I can never answer truthfully. "Yeah. Getting some air with Caelum.." I whisper quietly in order to not wake the sleeping baby monster in my lap.

Josh nods and carefully sits down beside me not disturbing Caelum. "Annie is okay.. She's had a bath, got her to eat something and she is resting now." I nod, my shoulders relaxed a little from being relieved of some stress.

"Good, good." I nibble my lip thinking.

Josh watches me carefully, "You sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine. I'll be fine."

He sighed and scooted over to my side. "Sabby... Annie is okay.. it's not your fault.."

"It is." I look to Caelum seeing him still sound asleep and I move my gaze to Josh. "It is my fault. From me making the decisions I choose caused this on her..I shouldn't had done what I did.."

I tried keeping the trembling and worry from my voice, but Josh noticed.

"Sabby.. you were defending yourself right?" I told Josh some of what happened. Not all cause I knew he'd have went after Julian and ended up getting himself hurt or killed. I just told him Julian said some things that made me mad and I punched him. Which is true..just not the full truth.

I shook my head, "Yes..But I should've let it roll off. Not took any of it to heart and went on. Then Annie wouldn't have a bruised up face. She wouldn't have the thought of abuse first hand." I sighed and held Caelum closer to me. His presence was helping. 

"You didn't know he would've went after Annie... if anything, I should've been home. Then she wouldn't be hurt."

"Josh you can't blame yourself for that."