gt oneshots

couch buddies

"You could've come to me, y'know," Caden said softly, staring up at the ceiling. "I would've listened."
     The room was illuminated by a hideous yellow lamp on his dresser. May's eyes kept drifting toward it.
     "I know you would've." Her voice was small. "I was just scared."
     "Of what?"
     "That it would make you think of me differently."
     Silence fell between them. May wanted him to reach out and hold her, but neither of them moved.
     The panic attacks. The lashing out. May had hidden it all while she was away at college. Her mother was already worried enough. May didn't want to make it worse by telling her about the sinking feeling she got in her stomach every time she left her dorm, or the way she wanted to sink into the shadows every time someone gave her a funny look in the hallway.
     And Caden. Sweet Caden. Caden, who kept to himself and never got involved in any of the drama circulating around their friend group. Caden, who invited her over to watch a movie and didn't try slipping his hand up her shirt while she wasn't paying attention. Caden, who told her he would've listened and meant it.
     He was beside her on the couch. They were both lying on their backs, angled away from each other with their eyes on the ceiling. May liked counting his glow stars.
     "Why would I think of you differently?" He asked softly, absently tugging on the hem of his shirt.
     "Because I acted weird when I was there. I wasn't myself. I felt sick all the time." Her voice started to shake. "It's not normal to feel sick all the time, Cade. What's wrong with me?"
     "May," he whispered. "you should've told someone."
     "I couldn't," she said, feeling her throat start to close up. Tears welled in her eyes. "I was so fucking scared, Cade. I felt like I was dying."
     "God, why did you stay for so long?"
     "I thought it would get better. I thought I was overreacting."
      I didn't want to come back and see you.
     May had told him she liked him the day before she left.
     Caden's last relationship had been messy. He still hadn't come fully out of it. He said he wanted to just stay friends. That was after they'd both gotten drunk and made out under the stairs.
     "Were you mad at me?" Caden whispered. "For rejecting you?"
     May stiffened. She closed her eyes. "I could never be mad at you." She paused. "I was embarrassed, though. I saw the way those girls acted around you. I was jealous. I wanted that."
     "I don't want that with you," Caden said softly. "I don't want the touching and the crying and the fights. I don't want to feel that way around you. I want this."
     May laughed. It came out like a sob.
     "You mean the shitty depressing conversations on your couch in the middle of the night? That's what you want for us?" She smiled up at the ceiling. Tears ran down her cheeks.
     "Yes." He shifted slightly and tilted his head to face her. "C'mere."
     "I'm here."
     "You're an ass."
     She felt his fingers curl around her waist in the dark and lift her up. Then she was on his chest, burying her tear-stained face into the fabric of his shirt. She started crying when he smoothed down her hair with his finger.
     "Dammit, Cade," she mumbled, scrubbing at her watery eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "You said you didn't want the touching. Not with me."
     Caden smiled softly and shook his head, turning his gaze up to the ceiling. "You needed a hug."
     She would've cried everyday for him to hold her like this.
     "May."
     His voice was different when she was against his chest. It reverberated through her.
     "Caden."
     "You can't keep hiding from me because I won't date you."
     "I mean, I can—"
     "I'm serious, May."
     "I know."
     A brief silence ensued. May angled her head to peer up at the underside of his chin. He didn't look at her.
     "I really liked you, it fucked me up," May whispered. "Am I undateable or something?"
     "Undateable?" Caden echoed.
     "Yeah," she whispered, closing her eyes again.
     "No, you're not." He paused, dragging a finger through her hair again. He felt her shiver under his touch. "You're my best friend."
     "Okay."
     She sighed through her nose.
     "Okay."
     He kept his eyes on the ceiling.
     "If we're best friends, you have to start telling me the bad stuff. Everything you went through at college, you've gotta vent."
     "I will."
     "You have to let me be there for you. Stop hiding from me."
     Caden looked down and met her gaze. She held it briefly before burying her face in his chest again.
     His fingers found her hair again and she didn't feel so alone.