Missing Pieces of Me

3 Something's Not Right

Blanche

I closed the door, holding the bags of food and turned to Alex. He was in the verge of laughing. His face was getting red. I just rolled my eyes.

"You know, you could help me set these up."

"Aren't you going to ask the delivery guy to join us?"

"Why?"

"Oh nothing."

We continued to eat while watching tv. The episode was a tearjerker making our competition harder. After eating, we were both crying messes (I don't even know if that is a word but don't tell Lexy, he gets sensitive about grammar).

I lost the game because my face feels like it burns a lot. My glasses were becoming foggy due to the sweat around my eyes. Even though Lexy won, he volunteered to clear the dishes, provided that I do my best to not play the video until he finishes. It's tough but I let him. Anything to not wash dishes.

Last time I checked, which was 2 episodes ago, it was 9 pm so I'm guessing we're way past our bedtime. Just one more episode till next season, I decided to continue watching while dear Alex, was sound asleep next to me. What a weakling. It's his fault that he keeps missing episodes. Tsk, such a light sleeper.

He was murmuring something. I can't quite get it all but I can hear the sadness in his voice which was like a different side of him since he was always happy. It was like a silent longing for something. I stare back at the screen to watch the next episode.

My eyes were closing but I urged it to fight on. I can do this. I can finally finish a season in one day. The sleep won and I feel my vision suddenly blurring, feeling myself join my friend off to dreamland.

This was a different dream than the one I had. I looked at my shirt; the blood seemed to have disappeared, like nothing previously happened. I looked around and I notice that I'm in a room. All the walls are painted white, no furniture but the light bulb above was shining brightly I had to squint. I try reaching for one of the walls but they just seem to move away farther.

This was one spacey room. I turned to look for a door or something, something else other than white. I looked behind my back, to my sides, to every angle but I can't see anything else except for white. I was getting irritated so I ran.

No particular direction in mind, I just want to go somewhere. I feel my legs get wobbly and stopped to catch my breath. I closed my eyes and breathed. I tried relaxing myself and think of something else. I pictured rain; the smell of the grass right after raining; the color of the sky whenever rain approaches.

I look up, still eyes closed, until I feel something fall on my face. It was wet. It was a slow drip at first then more drops went after, forming rivulets on my face. I open my eyes and gone was the endless room of white. It was all replaced with the subtle gray of the sky, raindrops falling and forming into puddles on the floor. It was all relaxing.

I started walking again with a newfound energy. It led me to the city. It looked similar to the city I was living in. It's good to see something familiar here. I try to find my apartment or to recognize some of my neighbors ( as if I know my neighbors) or at least Alex but as I look at those around me, I can't seem to recognize anyone's face. I mean, I'm not very attentive to details and refuse to look at people's eyes but if you see a face enough, surely, you will remember something about what they look like.

I paced around the corridors, stairs, every nook and cranny of what's supposed to be "my place" but it seems odd. I try an experiment. I started by the staircase and counted the steps toward the first room I see.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5

It takes 5 steps. I tried coming back to the staircase with an almost similar measurement of my paces as before and counted again, this time toward the stairs.

1,2 3, 4

I stopped for there was no more room to walk to, unless I want to fall. I try again but this time it was 6 steps. I tried and tried but it is never consistent. I decide to just leave the building and walk around. Maybe the building has a tricky design.

I was going nowhere and the building felt like it was changing every time I look at a different wall. It was a very subtle change, nothing you would notice unless you were actually looking for it. I look at a wall and notice it was painted a shade of very light blue and move on to the next but by the time I returned to it, it has already changed into a plain white one.

I went to the lobby because I felt dizzy and mentally exhausted and I wanted a place to sit on. The more I stare at the rooms, the smaller and inconsistent it seemed so I ran out. I ran and ran with no destination in mind until I feel my legs turning into noodles. I find a bench and sit, panting and covered in sweat. I observed my surroundings, "I can figure this out," I told myself.

I noticed that the rain stopped. Everyone was going on about ALL their daily routines: A mother driving her kids to school; a student who seemed to be cramming for exams, judging by the papers scattered; everyone was busy except for one person. I can't quite see the face but I feel the cold stare, murderous maybe? What was I supposed to do? I looked around to check if I there was some other thing that person was staring at.

I can't take it anymore. I have a bad feeling about this dream. It's like I shouldn't even be here. This makes no sense. It's my dream. need to wake up. What can I do? I see the person approaching me.

I was on high alert. I feel chills, adrenaline coursing through my veins. This is it, fight or flight. F---. I don't want to know what happens next. I tried making a scene, shouting, jumping up and down but no one notices me.

"This is just a dream," I chanted to myself repeatedly as the mysterious stranger was closing in. I closed my eyes, like I always do whenever I'm in a situation like this. I still haven't felt my bed or any familiarity of my home, am I still in the dream? I try to open my eyes but I felt someone still staring at me and decided against it. I just stayed there frozen. Counting down to give myself a false sense of comfort.

100, 99, 98...