Missing Pieces of Me

21 Up, Up, and Away

Blanche

I trapped myself in my room and locked the door. I couldn't face anyone yet. Carrie and Bruce stayed with me in the apartment for a while. I lay on my bed and can't help thinking about everything that happened. He's gone. I wish I could've done more; talked to him more; spent a few more days; or ignored my ill thoughts of him as his unconscious self. Now, I don't suppose I can still summon him since his soul may not even still be here, in this dimension, and even if it was still here, he doesn't want to see me again. He stated that very clearly and I just have to grant his final wish on the matter. I still can't believe it. I just wanted some time alone not for an eternity.

A soft knock interrupted my thoughts and I quickly wiped the tears that ran through my face. It was Carrie, "Blanche, do you want something to eat, at least just a sandwich or something," she said softly through the door.

I managed to voice out a croaky reply, "No thanks. I think I'd rather just sleep for now."

"Okay. Just come out when you want to eat."

I close my eyes and ran to my last resort, the dream world, for a bit of comfort; away from every tragedy in my life. I didn't care that I can't control it as precisely as I could before. I just want a place to run to. I feel my consciousness slipping away.

When I opened my eyes I couldn't pinpoint my exact location because there are a lot of images of me. I realize that I was surrounded my mirrors. I don't remember creating these. Suddenly, one image of me started talking, "I told you this would happen." Then another one answered, "Well, it's not entirely her fault." Then another joined in, "But why is are you even back here?"

"Should've just stayed where you belong."

The voices overwhelmed me. I feel trapped inside this box of mirrors. Out of frustration, I tried to find the walls and pushed through one of it. It fell on the opposite side but it seemed to support the top one for it fell on me. I was in the process of closing my eyes because I wouldn't want to see or feel the agony and pain of broken glass shattering through me but I heard someone call my name and a bright light flash.

"Are you okay?" it said, in that familiar voice whenever I'm in this land.

"UP! It really is you! I missed you," I practically shouted as I ran for a hug but my happiness soon falters when I passed through UP.

What just happened? I look at my hands. Why can't I feel? I look around; nothing to be seen except a blank slate or tabula rasa if you will. I look at UP to try to find some answers but UP just broke my gaze.

"What's happening?" I asked, panicking.

"You're losing control of your dreams, Blanche. I told you this would happen if you don't accept my offer soon," UP said grimly.

"You'll start from not having any more control until you eventually stop having the necessary requirements to entering this world. You've exposed yourself too much from the real world that your connection with this one is growing weaker by the minute."

UP may have sensed my loneliness because in a few moments, the scenery had color. It was one of my go to sceneries to create whenever I'm here.

"I tried to replicate it as best as I could but it's the best I could do. Hope this somehow cheers you up."

"You can spend what may be your last moments here wallowing or you could talk with a friend. The choice is yours," UP said while patting my head.

"What do you need?"

"I just need someone to talk to," I replied.

I told UP everything that happened in the real world. UP pitied me at my current state, in tears wailing like a kid that lost its favorite toy but I wasn't a kid and Alex wasn't just a person I needed, he was my human who was going to be my friend forever. Now, he's gone and the only hope of communicating with him is next to impossible.

"You know, you can still stay here. It's not too late but you can still live a different life here; something you can control; something without twists and turns, and with Alex" UP said after a moment of silence.

"Blanche, Alex is here. He chose to stay here. You say you miss him. You don't have to anymore. He's here but not really. I left him to practice in his own world but I can call him so you can meet again."

"As long as he's happy, I'll be fine. Thanks for the gesture though but, no thanks. I want to respect his last wishes even if it hurts. Besides, if I do see him, I may not want to leave and I'm still not ready to leave the real world yet," I said, forcing a smile.

"This is your last chance to visit this world with a safety net. Who knows when your soul can piece together as one again?"

"No thanks," I said through a smile. "That's just what living is. You have to embrace all the hurt because sooner or later laughter and happiness will come to comfort you."

After that conversation, we both stopped talking and just enjoyed the scenery until I woke up.