Missing Pieces of Me

15 What If is What Kills Us

Alex

As usual the dream starts in a black, motionless, lifeless void. The memories came back the instant I came here. Blanche was with me and the world just disappeared when she left. I try to look for her, thinking that she may still be around to pull me out of here or if she's safe and sound but how do you really look for a person when there's no place to look in?

I stay in where I am and just wait, as I usually do. It's not as sad as it seems, not being able to dream a lot. Sometimes it's good since I don't have that sense of it being incomplete or an unhealthy obsession on it.

Besides, this way makes me sleep a lot better since I'm not tired when I wake up, my day won't be affected whether what happens here is good or bad since I wouldn't have any recollection of this when I wake up, not that anything ever happens.

Remember when people tell you that time moves very fast when you're dreaming? It really does. I feel like I've been waiting for days just to hear Blanche call me again so I can be summoned to her world. The hope it brought me to see such beautiful sights even for just a moment. I wonder if my conscious self can remember? I deserve to because it hurts knowing that I can't fully appreciate it.

I try to not waste my time practicing here since I have the space and time to practice creating worlds. Maybe I'll learn it here and I can create my own too just like Blanche or the figure and we could create such an empire here.

Okay. What to make first? I should start simple, maybe just the floor. I need to somewhere to stand on. That should be basic enough. I look ahead and just think of the floors at our apartment, or on campus grounds, anything that is hard and flat; somewhere I can walk on. Nothing.

Maybe I just need to close my eyes. I repeated my thought process as accurately as I could. After a while, I try to test my progress and slowly extended my foot expecting it to hit something. Nothing. Still no progress. What am I doing wrong?

As the days go by, I became anxious. What if Blanche really abandoned me? That probably wouldn't happen, or maybe she can't return anymore because she lost her powers. She could just accept it but I wouldn't want her to lose her life just so that she can live here with me.

A thought I try to push away suddenly pops into my mind: What if she just forgot about me? Not wanting to return to our conversation just because she wants her space? How dare she give me hope by calling me and showing me a different view just to abandon me in the end?

Flashbacks of the world around me crumbling until it is completely destroyed haunted me. Is that going to be the scenario every time she comes to call me? She leaves early and I'm left to deal with watching as the world I've come to adore and be amazed at turns back to the nothing it really is? I can't take that. I just want to create something on my own so I can be able to maintain what she created or to just live alone in a place I can control.

I got more motivated at the thought of me finally being able to create that I decided to try again. I decide that maybe the floor was a little too ambitious and decide for just a single pebble. I imagine myself holding a pebble, not quite sure what size or texture I want it, just something that fits my hand and something that makes me feel. I close my eyes and form my hands into a fist, silently trying my best to think of a rock inside my hand but nothing. I want to throw something but I couldn't even make something I could throw. I screamed out of frustration when I heard something.

It was an echo. My voice made an echo. If I'm not mistaken, an echo is a sound and sound is caused by sound waves. Sound waves don't move through a vacuum. It seems like a stretch but I tried it once again. Is this something that happened before that I just didn't notice or something new? But something did change. I feel a bit stronger now. I feel a like I'm more complete now than ever.

I tried screaming a couple of times and the same thing always happens; an echo always returns. I tried reaching my limit but only one echo is made. Maybe I just need to improve more. I soon grew tired of screaming because I feel my throat become raw. I try again creating a pebble. I concentrate hard again; closing my eyes and try to form the pebble in my hands but I still failed.

I opened my eyes and, to my surprise, it was the figure staring back at me directly; its face just inches away from mine. The moment I opened my eyes and saw the figure, a sudden electric charge flashed in my hands. I quickly removed them out of shock at the sudden scenario.

"Look who finally did it," the figure said approvingly.

"Did what? Wasn't that you?" I replied, confused.

"Nope. Honestly, I'm just as shocked as you are."

I stare at disbelief since it was my first time to create something even just as simple as that. Suddenly, I felt myself growing weaker again. I see my body slowly fading again.

"Not now!" "Not when I'm just beginning to make it..." I shouted, pleading to an unknown force.

"Rethink my offer. Even if it's just a simple thing, it's better than what you've done before..."

That was the last words spoken to me before I finally lost control of my body and it returned to my conscious self.

I woke up irritable yet surging with unknown happiness. It's like my metaphorical soul has, for the first time in years, finally had the chance to be complete. I look at my phone and noticed that it was already five o'clock in the evening and figured that Blanche and I should get dinner since she still has medicine to take. I got up and left my room. I knock on her door.

"Blanche, you want me to order something for dinner?"

"Piiizzaaa..." she replied, in that somehow husky voice she had since her fever started.

"Okay. I'll call you when it's here."

"Okay. Thanks."

She still seems pretty sick but I guess the medicine is working since she was in a good state a while ago. She may just be a bit tired. I dialed the pizza place and watched tv while waiting. I brought my books and also reviewed my notes since the midterms were just around the corner. I was so focused when a creaking sound caught my attention.

It was Blanche, still covered in her blanket, standing by her doorway. I almost had a heart attack at the sight since she was used to creeping around and not make a sound. I was still stunned when she finally spoke.

"I heard the tv on. What are you watching?"

"Just a random series."

She plopped next to me and we continued watching in silence. 

A/N Thanks for reading the story. If you like the story please vote and comment. I want to hear from you guys.
Also, this book is almost finished.