Healer

Simula

All my life everyone is expecting me to wear stethoscope, holding a scalpel and stick my nose in those medical books. But this life, the life that I don't want to be. When I was a kid, my mother taught me everything she knows when it comes to that kind of field.

My father is an honorable man, ambitious, strict but kind. What do you expect from a Commander of Special Forces? My brother is great on his field, a lawyer and I'm the one who's been trying to reach their expectations. Ah, what a life.

I sigh. I look around on these white walls, white ceilings, white lab gowns, charts, and the scent of alcohol.

I'm at this place called hospital. Yes, I reach their dream for me but I never reach their expectations.

"Doctora!" A nurse called. Bumaling ako sa kaniya, hinihingal ito at mukhang kakarating lang.

"Bakit?"

"The board is looking for you, may pag-uusapan ho raw kayong importante." I run my finger through my hair, this is frustrating.

Ilang beses ko na bang pinatunayang wala akong kasalanan?

Hindi ko pinansin ang presensya niya sa halip ay nagmarcha ako paalis sa nursing station. I'm a GS, general surgeon. Gusto pa nga nila akong paaralin ulit para maging triple board passer pero tinanggihan ko. I'm old, I have my mind and I have my decisions in life. Hindi na nila ako kayang diktahan pa, ayoko  nang ganoong buhay.

Life is all about cycle, you will be born in this world. With or without golden spoon in your mouth, you'll grow, learn in school, study your ass off to have good grades and go to university to reach your dreams and then you'll work. Have a family and kids, you'll retired and you get old, then die.

Life is predictable.

Narating ko ang opisina nang board. "I'm sorry I'm lil bit late."

They just all look at me, those look tells me that their disappointed and disgusted. I really want to roll my eyes right now but I want to keep my pride as a doctor and prove to them that I am not at fault.

There's no fault here and they are missing the whole point.

"Have a seat." Her voice control everything. I glance at her. Nothing change, still the same. The strict aura, the sophisticated face, straight back, her stethoscope and her controlling voice.

Siya ang director nang ospital na pinagtratrabahuhan ko. By the way, she's my mother.

"Pinatawag niyo raw ho ako." I really want to choke those politeness stunts of mine right now. Pakiramdam ko nagsasayang lang ako nang oras at lakas.

"This is all about the incident two days ago, Dr. Menaid." That brute spoke. I really don't like him. I really don't like CS surgeons. I don't really like his department, cardiology.
"I already said, dying in operation bed is nothing serious. The patient already knows what she's been dealing, what treatment she'll be having and what's the purpose of her surgery." Matigas na wika ko.

The board just look at me, all of them scoffs and did not accept my answer.

"Are you hearing yourself, Dr. Menaid?" There he is again, sana hindi nalang siya naging doktor. Bagay sa kaniya maging imbistegador.

"A patient died. Human being. Bakit parang wala lang 'yon sa'yo? May konsenya ka pa ba?"

O my god. I can't believe this!

"You cross the line, Dr. Parkers. Hindi ko mararating 'to kung hindi ko pinaghirapan, parang wala lang sa'kin? Oh, no hard feelings mister but I really tried my best doing CPR for almost one hour. My team mates are tired for doing it but I never give up, I said 'I will save this patient no matter what, she give her life on me so I will do my best to save her' kaya huwag mong sasabihing parang wala lang 'yon sa akin. Yes, a human died but aren't we used to it? That we did everything we could but sometimes we failed and it's not enough? Kaya huwag ka sanang magsalita na parang alam mo ang lahat. You are a CS, hindi mo alam ang pinagdadaanan naming mga General surgeons. That's all, thank you and please excuse me."

Umalis ako sa harapan nila at dirediretchong lumabas sa ospital para makalanghap nang sariwang hangin.

That man.

Kapag siya ang kaharap ko lahat nang lakas na mayroon ako ay nagiging abo. Lahat nang pag-asang mayroon ako ay nalulusaw kaya ganoon nalang ang pag-ayaw ko sa kaniya. I hate everything about him. His life, his profession, his department and him.

I really dislike, Siowojen Parkers.