Creepy Uncle Sam's Gastronomy Guide For The Apocalypse

Chapter II: The Danger Zone!

With the knowledge of what to stockpile, what to trade, and what to steal from the rotting carcass of your neighbors as you show them the business end of your boomstick, you are all set to be an apocalyptic chef and begin your training!

You might be hungry at this point and decide that, today, you want some good-old steak. You take out a steak from the freezer and put it in your counter for it to defrost while you go to a quest for medicines at your local supermarket.

Well, you better put your helmet and glasses because you have you stepped into the danger zone!

I'm not talking about the Kenny Loggins song, but the temperature range in which foods are at a higher risk of decomposing and turning no bueno. All food can be contaminated but as mentioned above there are some conditions that favor the development of icky-sticky bad germ thingies, one of them being the abuse of time and the temperature that occurs when food is allowed to sit for a long time in temperatures that favor the growth of germs. We call that "the danger zone!"

The temperature danger zone is between 5 ° C (41 ° F) and 60 ° C (140 ° F). This refers to the internal temperature at which microorganisms grow and multiply rapidly. Not only does this apply to raw food, but for cooked food that has been let to cool as well. For this type of food, the correct reheating must be a minimum of 74 ºC (165 ºF). A food thermometer is a great took for the apocalyptic chef. You can find some cheap ones on Amazon, or at the ruins of your local food store.

So when you put a piece of meat or poultry on the counter to "defrost," you're only making it so that germs can have a nice orgy and multiply on your food. That makes you quite icky. Never defrost at room temperature.

The only safe way to defrost is by:

Moving the food to the fridge at 41 ° F (5 ° C) or less.

Submerged under a stream of water at 70 ° F (21 ° C) or less.

In a microwave, if the food is to be consumed immediately.

Anything between 41°F (5 °C) and 145° (63°C) is considered to be a part of the danger zone.

In order to sanitize risky foods to kill every bad icky stuff inside, the food must achieve an internal temperature above 145°F (63°C) for 15 seconds if it is fish, meat or pork, and over 165° (74°C) if its ground beef or poultry.

Anything outside of that is straight into the danger zone, even the ever so popular "rare steak."

Now, the reason people can eat rare beef but not rare poultry is because beef is generally denser than poultry and germs such as salmonella don't penetrate the beef, while they have a field-day with poultry. As long as you sear the outside of the beef, the inside should be fine. But I would be careful of the danger zone nonetheless. This is why ground beef must be thoroughly heated as the broken cellular molecules are breeding ground for icky shit.

Now, you have successfully and safely defrosted your chicken, made the necessary cuts, and are about to cut vegetables with the same cutting board and knife and SWEET CHEEKBONES OF BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, WE ARE GOING TO THE DANGER ZONE AGAIN! THIS TIME BECAUSE OF "CROSS CONTAMINATION!"

Cross-contamination is the transfer of dangerous bacteria from a portion of food to another. The bacteria generally found in food are mostly removed during cooking or washing the fruit and vegetables. But if these foods, once cooked or washed, come into contact with raw food (meat, fish) or without washing (vegetables, fruits, etc.) can recontaminate.

Always clean your knife and board with soap or bleach before using it again. If not, you're risking cross-contamination, and that's icky.

Food-touching surfaces can also cause the transfer of contaminants, as well as each of the utensils that are employed, so it is important that you take into account the following measures when serving food:

Do not touch the plates, glasses or cups on the parts that have contact with the foods.

Do not use bare hands to touch foods that are ready to be consumed.

Use tweezers, deli paper or gloves.

Never make ice with your bare hands or using a glass because there is a risk of breaking it inside the container. Use scoops to scoop up the ice.

Never use towels for cleaning spilled food for any other purpose.

Never use the same utensils to take different foods, have one too everything.

"But Creepy Uncle Sam!" you might be saying, "I'm not afraid of no icky germ! I'm alive and I've never done those things!"

Let's take a look at some of those "icky germs" you're saving yourself by observing proper hygiene:

Botulism:

Causes and characteristics: Caused by toxins produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum that attacks the nervous system and is generally fatal, even if a small portion is consumed of the poisoned food.

Sources and foods involved: Food in contact with the ground and other foods. Canned food, canned vegetables with low acid content (it is something very rare in commercially canned foods).

Staphylococci:

Causes and characteristics: Caused by toxins produced by the Staphylococcus aureus bacteria, being probably the most common food poisoning. It is characterized by nausea, vomiting, stomach pain, diarrhea, and lightheadedness.

Sources and foods involved: Usually food workers. Custards and desserts made with fresh products, potato salad, protein salads, ham, Hollandaise sauce and all those foods that contain high protein contents.

Escherichia coli:

Causes and characteristics: This bacterium causes severe illness, either from poisoning or infection. It causes severe abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and other symptoms like E. Coli poisoning. When it comes to an infection, it causes severe abdominal pain and bloody diarrhea. Usually, the disease can last between 1 to 3 days, in some cases it produces long-term damage.

Sources and foods involved: Human carriers, the intestinal tract of animals, especially livestock. Contaminated water. Raw or undercooked meat, dairy, and other pasteurized foods, fish from contaminated water, mashed potatoes, Apple pie.

Salmonella:

Causes and characteristics: Infection from eating food with salmonella presents symptoms similar to a Staph infection, but it can last much longer. The majority of poultry carry this bacteria.

Sources and foods involved: Contaminated poultry meat. Contamination through feces of food workers. Eggs, sauces, raw food, sausage with poultry, shellfish from contaminated waters.

And these are just the most commons.

Make sure you wash your hands, observe basic food hygiene protocols and you might make it past day 2 of the apocalypse. At the very least you won't die of food poisoning.

Wash your damn hands!