Creepy Uncle Sam's Gastronomy Guide For The Apocalypse

Chapter XXVII: Pork - The Cannibal's Substitute

A disturbing fact about pork is that it taste remarkably like human - meaning, slightly sweet, savory, and very fatty.

How do I know what human tastes like? Well, because of muscle, of course! Since meat is mostly muscle, we only have to see the spread, density, and use of the muscle to see how can it taste like. It so happens to be that pork muscle and human muscles have a very similar composition and spread. Our muscles don't tense up for short periods of extreme speed, but are more on the resistant side of things.

A similar situation happens with dogs and goats, and cats and rabbits - they taste the same. They are also delicious with rosemary and garlic.

The good thing about pork as a livestock is that it's very easy to raise, as pigs take little to no time to become big and delicious. Unlike humans, which take years to become a delicacy. It is then not uncommon that communities of cannibals that thrived before the apocalypse have moved to a Pork-based diet, which we can use to our advantage.

It is a simple matter of stealing a pig from a cannibal camp, and eat for days, because you can eat everything from the pig, sans the oink!

Be careful not to get caught tho...you are basically a delicacy in the right hands.

PORK - HOW DOES IT WORK?

The wild ancestor of most domestic pig breeds is the wild boar. It's domestication began in the Middle East about 13,000 years ago, although it occurred as a parallel and independent process of domestication in China. From pigs, their meat is used; its fat, which is edible; their skin to the manufacture of leather, and bristles, for the manufacture of brushes, among others products.

Pork is processed from young animals (6 to 7 months old) that weigh between 175 and 240 pounds (79.5 and 109 kilograms). They are taken young as to avoid them using their muscles too much. There is also the Suckling Pig, which is the baby pig that is slaughtered while they are still drinking milk.

Most of the pig is cured and used in the production of hams, bacon and sausages. Uncured meat is called "fresh pork".

How to make sure those filthy cannibals are not selling you human meat instead of pork meat:

When you buy pork, look for low-fat cuts on the outside and that they present a firm meat of pinkish gray color. For pork to have a better flavor and tenderness, it must contain a small proportion of fat marbled in the meat. It the pork has a tattoo, well, that's a human.

The color of pork is considered "red" because it contains more myoglobin than chicken or fish. When fresh pork is cooked, it becomes more pale but still remains "red". All cattle are considered "red meat."

How to handle pork:

There is no such thing as a rare or medium pork. Unlike beef, pork meat is very porous and riddled with deceases that you have to heat to eliminate. Pork must be cooked properly to eliminate parasites and disease-causing bacteria that may be present in it. The people who eat improperly cooked pork can contracting trichinosis, which is caused by the parasite called Trichinella spiralis.

You can enjoy pork cooked to an internal temperature of 145˚F/68°C when measuring with a food thermometer, before removing meat from the heat source. For safety and quality, allow a standing time of at minus three minutes, before mincing and consuming the meat. Other organisms that can be found in pork, as well as also in other meats and poultry, are Escherichia coli, Salmonella, Staphylococcus aureus and Listeria monocytogenes. All of these are destroyed by proper handling and complete cooking. So cook your meat thoroughly, you weirdo.