Creepy Uncle Sam's Gastronomy Guide For The Apocalypse

Chapter XXVI: Where's The Beef?

This one is a chapter I've been dreading to write.

See, livestock, which are staples of any diet for their unparalleled fat and protein content, are the hardest things to teach about, mainly because they are so hard to come about. With trade routes gone, streets closed, and the economy in shambles, you either have to trade things for meat, or do the ultimate sacrifice and storm and compound for some.

While some types of cattle are easier to maintain and keep than others, like sheep or goat, most are just too unwieldy to keep unless you join some sort of enclave or group, which, again, I would avoid. I tried once to join a enclave run by a guy called Michael the Unsullied, and let's say that he liked to hokey-pokey a bit too much. Keep yourself safe.

The best bet is to steal some meat in the middle of the night, again, with the help of Mr. Molotov, and take home.

But what cut of meat you should take? What kind of animal you should eat? Well, take a deep breath, sharpen your knife, and wait until sundown, for we are plunging into thenqonderful world of cattle and livestock!

MEAT - HOW DOES IT WORK?

Meat is animal tissue, mainly muscle, that is consumed as food. "Meat" is a colloquial and commercial classification that only applies to terrestrial animals - usually vertebrates like mammals, birds and reptiles - because, despite the fact that it could be applied to marine animals, these fall into another category, that of fish, with crustaceans, molluscs and other groups often receiving the seafood name. Beyond their biological classification, other animals, such as Marine mammals, have sometimes been considered meat and sometimes fish.

The basic food species for consumption are caprine, cattle, pigs and poultry. We already covered poultry extensively, so read our chapter on chicken for that one. As for the rest, well, let's go one by one and try to make sense of them all.

BOVINE CATTLE

Once upon a time, people would let their cows graze near the highways for families to point at them and yell "Cows!" during travels. Now, they keep them sequestered and hidden, mainly in fear of people making them aware that they are cows, and therefore, delicious, and they start to eat eachother. Such is the nature of the apocalypse.

The domestic bovine descends from a group of breeds of uros, which have been extinct for a while, cuz we are them all. The uros, of which the last specimen died in a Polish park in 1627, were in other times very common in Europe and its territory, which stretched across Africa from North and the Middle East to Southeast Asia and China. There are 2 main types of domestic cattle, the Zebu that have a marked hump at the level of their backs, and the Taurins, which do not have a hump, the latter are the most popular in regions like Africa and Asia.

The 2 types, due to their total interfertility, are usually considered as subspecies. In addition, it has been proven at the molecular level that all races of European and African domestic cattle, whether of Zebu or Taurin origin, are from the same mitochondrial line, while the Indian breeds are from another.

Cattle are raised throughout the planet for their ability to work, their meat, its milk, and its leather. The female is the cow and the male, the bull - if it has been castrated it will be called an ox. The baby of the cow are the calves, and the young specimens are known as yearlings when they are one year old.

Just like with chickens, cattle meat is the most tender when they are young. Since meat is mostly muscle mass, the more it's used, the tougher it will be. Cow meat is seldom used, as birthing makes the meat as tough as nails and with a bitter taste.