Saved By You

Epilogue

Song: There for you by Flyleaf

"When I was four, I didn't know what life would be like without my mum or dad. Leaving England and coming to America was scary. But when I started to get close to my new family, I knew everything would be just fine.

I still don't understand why. I don't understand why my life was like that. Why I had to suffer through depression. I suffered so severely that you are reading this now, and I am dead.

When I would close my eyes at night, I would find peace after my day. When I would wake up, just for one second, I could forget who I was. Forget what my life was. I treasured that one second but that isn't enough for me. I wish I could keep all of those seconds and make them a forever. The beauty in that one second each morning is something that I cannot describe in words.

I never got why everyone hated me so much. I just know that this is what they wanted. I want to make them happy so maybe, just maybe, they can finally like me.

My first day of high school was terrible. But then, I saw you, Matthew. I saw you and I realized that not all people are full of hate and anger. All of those months before you even payed attention to me were hell. I spent my nights crying myself to sleep, thinking that you would never love me.

Mum and dad, thank you for putting up with me for all of these years. I know you didn't have to but you chose to.

Gavin. I wish that I could somehow write this so you could read it so it would be special to you and only you but I can't. I love you so much. Don't you ever blame yourself for this.

Danny...i just want to say that I love you. You were the first to make me feel special. You are my best friend and always will be. P.S. tell Patty to keep his covers coming.

Shawn. I'll never forget you. I don't know if you can keep memories when you die. Maybe if I go to hell, all my memories will stay with me to torture me. But I know that your memories will be special to me.

Right now, sitting on my bed at eleven twenty, I can only think of the bad times.

I hate myself. I hate every inch of my body. I don't get why you want me here. I just want to die. I have wanted to die since I was young. I hate to be in a world where all you feel is pain. I'm sorry for being a waste.

Dad I'm sorry that I couldn't become an artist like you wanted me to.

Mum I'm sorry that I wasn't the perfect girl that you wanted when you adopted me.

Gavin I'm sorry that I wasn't always there for you.

Matthew Lee Espinosa.
I can't come to words to tell you how much you mean to me.
I love you.
That's all I can think of.
I love you so much.
I knew I loved you from the first time we kissed. And I know that I love you now.

Now you may think that Matthew and I's love was just another teenage story, but it was more than that. So much more. He saved me. Maybe, not enough to stop me now, but it could've been a lot worse. My life is hell. But with Matthew...everything was fine."