Yo Ho Yo Ho

The Fallout

"I first met Cherry when she was walking down the alley by my old place, I was sitting on the window sill and I climbed down."

I took another drag and blew out.

"We kind of became inseparable because we both were dealing with our dads issues. You know, my dad always getting fucked up and her dad was verbally and emotionally abusive to her, and we felt a comfort in each other. As we started to get older and things at home started to get worse, that's when I met you guys as you know, and we just started to see each other less and less, but never failed to get to each other when shit got bad."

"Then when Carlos and Cruella took me in and I moved, I was so anxious of just getting out, I never told her where I was. I ran into her not to long after and told her where I was and what was going on. She seemed like a little mad at me and I told her that if I could get out she could, and she just shook her head at me and told me that she still loved her dad and he was all she had. I understood where she was coming from because that's how I thought. I thought things couldn't get so bad because my dad was supposed to love me and care for me and we were all we had, but then after meeting you guys, and seeing how bad it could get, I realized I didn't need to stay."

"But she talked me into talking to my dad and shit because "hes family" and I listened to her. After sleeping on it for a few weeks and then decided to go see him. That night he attacked me. He was all sorts of fucked up and Hatter was there, walked in tried to tell him how I felt and that he was still my dad but I wasn't coming back unless he changed. Motherfucker lunged at me broke me through the wall and all I could do was lay there with my hands covering my face. Next thing I knew, Harry and Gil were pulling him off me and they busted the door down after hearing me screaming and shit, you guys know that. And then after that, I just kind of blamed Cherry for putting me back there. If she hadn't planted the idea in my head, I would have never went back there and I would not have been in that position, but I got Harry out of that night, and Gil and Uma, so in a way it was like a win."

"I told Cherry what had happened the next time I saw her and quickly told her how Harry and Gil came and it was almost like she was pissed that they did." The group sat back and just listened as I relived everything that still haunts me.
"She kind of blamed me being all like, 'Oh what did you say to trigger him?' or 'Why didn't you fight back?' and I felt shamed by her even though it was her idea. You know? So then after that I just started to distance myself from her because it kind of just reminded me of that night and I felt guilty that I blamed her but I did."

"Then Harry and I started, you know. And got even more distances from her because shit was still bad at her place and it was hard to sit there and hear her talk about it like I didn't understand, because I did and she knows it. I had offered for her to stay with us and Mal said it was fine but Cherry kept saying that they're my friends and she feels awkward and that it's weird and dumb shit. So again, for her to sit there and tell me how hard shit is and how trapped she feels was like a huge slap in the face to me. It's like throwing a rope into the water and yelling for someone to catch it and they're screaming at you that you're not helping."

"Then one day, I just stopped. I stopped reaching out, I stopped going past her place, and I stopped trying so hard, but I never stopped caring about her and hoping it doesn't take a night like mine to make her leave. I saw her after a few months of avoiding her and she went...boom." I said making an explosion form with my hands. "She ripped me a new one, and I let her for a bit you know? I felt like I kind of deserved it a bit but then..." I said chuckling nervously and biting down on my lip to stop the inevitable tears.

"She keeps going and going then she stops and catches her breath and says, 'You learn to leave well. Like father like daughter' and I just.." I snapped my fingers. "And I just remember seeing purple. I kept hitting her and hitting her and she just laughed. I pushed her into the brick walls and I was shaking. And in that moment, I realized I was just like my dad. That if I was pushed just enough, I am capable of doing the same thing he did, I could hurt the ones I swore to protect. And she leaned up against the wall and her nose was bleeding and my knuckles were bruised and I became everything I hated. I hated how she would bring out the worse in me. So that last thing I said to her was, 'If you don't have good intentions just leave me alone. I'm tired."

"And we never spoke again. But I always hoped that after all that, that maybe one day she'll call me and tell me that she's sorry too. But I started to learn to love the sound of myself walking away from things that are no longer good for me. And I never told anyone this because I am so ashamed of what I did. I'm ashamed of how many chances I gave my dad and that I hit Cherry because I never wanted you guys to be afraid of me or look at me different."

"Family's not who you're born with." Jay said. "It's who you'd die for. And sitting here, I know that you have all our backs."

"We're with you until the end of line." Evie said.

We all put our hands in the center and raised them up. All my grief says the same thing. This isn't how it's supposed to be. This isn't how it's supposed to be. But the universe laughs at me and says but this is how it is.
And I have my family.

But I may never forgive the universe for treating her so badly.