Yo Ho Yo Ho

The Meeting

Kittys POV
At 11:50 me, Evie, Mal, Carlos and Jay walk to the head building. I knew I'd be nervous, and I've been plenty nervous, but god damn. My knees were shaking as I walked and I had to keep inhaling and exhaling harshly. My hands were clammy and I kept clearing the lump in my throat that just wouldn't go away. My stomach churned and jumped and my heart was bumping in and out of my chest.

I shakily walked up the steps and down the corridors to Bens office. Jay knocked on the wooden doors and I was prepared to see him standing there. The doors opened and I peered around Ben and the office was empty.
"Any minute now." Ben said pursuing me into the room. I held onto Evie and Mals hands as we entered.
"We're right here." Mal whispered to me.
"You always have been." I said back smiling.

It was 12:00 and nothing. I started bouncing my leg and biting on my nails waiting in one of Bens massive chairs. I kept checking the clock as if my life depended on it and the ticking of the seconds mocked me. 12:07. Nothing. We all stood in the awkwardness and no one spoke. I cleared my throat again.
"Typical." I said scoffing. "I had a feeling he'd bail and not show up. Coward."

Then the knock came. I bounced to my feet and everyone turned to the door and we looked at each other.
"Come in!" Ben belowed. The doors opened and it felt like forever for them to reveal, Harry?
"Harry w-what are you doing here?" I asked confused.
"I dunno. All they told me was that yeh were meeting with yehr dad and they brought me here. Late as usual I see." He said sighing.

"Just 12 minutes late." A sleazy voice spoke from behind Harry.
There he was. The man of the hour. A wide and wicked grin plastered on his stupid face. Scruffy as usual and hands chained in front of him. Leather jacket ripped and dark jeans with holes in the knees. Wild spiked up hair and chipped nail polish. Even the scent of him triggered me. Whiskey and musky cigars. He was just as hideous as the last time I saw him.
"You got big. You look good." He said to me.
"You look like shit." I said eyeing him up and down and he laughed.

He walked in and the chains rattled behind
him and his boots echoed heavy. My breathing got shakier the closer he got.
"It's been a long time." He said.
"I could have gone longer."
Harry moved to behind me and the rest of the group moved behind Harry and stood against the wall.
"What am I doing here?" He asked annoyed.
"I need to talk to you." I said looking directly at him.
He scoffed and looked confused.
"I'm sorry let me put it in your vocabulary, I'm talking to you to put you in your fucking place!" I said in his face.

"Then let's hash it." He said sourly.
"No no. There's no we." I said laughing. "I'm speaking. You're listening." I was coming in hard at him I wasn't going to ease into it, I want him to break.
"Friendly reminder that you left that was your choice." He said.
"No I didn't have a choice! You didn't give me a choice! If I had stayed I wouldn't have survived with you. I left because I had to. You ruined me!"
"Well you ruined me! You left me alone too!"

I huffed and I couldn't believe the shit I was hearing and I looked at him puzzled.
"You twist things up. You say I hurt you? Did it hurt you when I didn't say no loud enough? Was my resistance to quiet for you?" I asked.
"You forgot about me." he said.
I lifted my shirt of the evidence from that night and he swallowed hard and his inner corner on his mouth twitched.
"I didn't forget a minute of it. It haunts me. You haunt me! Do you remember what you did?"
He inhaled and his exhale was shaky. But he didn't answer.
"I remember all of them!" I said through gritted teeth.

My eyes turned purple and I balled my fist until the veins in my arms popped out.
"What happened was ugly and painful. It was wrong, it was without reason. It didn't make sense, I didn't deserve it it was unfair! All I wanted was a hug and you gave me a knife and a box of matches."

"And I was selfish and out of my mind! You know it was never supposed to be like this it wasn't supposed to happen..."
"But you did! Over and over again. You made a choice! Then I made mine! My anger was righteous your violence was senseless. Frozen because I had no other options, motionless and hoping for it to pass. That was all I could do I was a child!"

"You were my pride and joy don't make this narrative that I never loved you!" The volume made me shake a bit but I wasn't that same scaredy cat.
"I was your punching bag! Who hurts a kid like that! I couldn't stop crying I was so afraid!"
It was starting to get intense now and I was seeing purple. All I wanted to do was knock him out.
"You fucked up and that kills you! That your shitty actions had consequences! But guess what dad, I thrived without you. I had a million firsts without you, I grew without you and I am done with you making me feel guilty about your bad choices."
"You're still my child. You're my kid and no matter how you feel about me and whatever I've done you can't change that!" He yelled back at me with a hint of satisfaction.

"Family's not who you're born with, it's who you die for." I quoted Jay, and I can feel him smirk behind me. "And them," I said with my voice cracking, "they're my family. I would jump in front of a bullet for all of them. And they would do it for me! You can't stand here and look me in the eye and tell me you'd do the same for me."

He stepped closer to me and looked me dead in the eye. I stood there strong but scared.
"I can't change the past Pur," God I haven't heard that in a long time, he used to call me that when I was little. "you're allowed to grieve for the child you never got to be."

I was crying and hearing the nickname sent me. It made me miss how I used to see him. It made me miss the person I thought he was.
"I tried so hard to love you!" I said sobbing. "I thought that if I loved you so much that you would get better you would be better! And then that would heal you! I wanted nothing more than to fill that void in you with so much love and understanding but I don't understand and I tried so fucking hard. But people aren't medicine, my love and effort wasn't enough. And I'm sorry that I couldn't heal you."
I sniffles and wiped my eyes.

"And I feel sorry for you! Because I have them!" I said pointing to everyone behind me. "And you're alone again."

He wiped tears with his shackled hands and I finally let him get a word in.
"I think about you always. I don't know if it's the end of a chapter and you'd come back later or it's the end of the story, but I can't help but to think of you. I love you. I miss you. And I'm sorry this is the way it became."

"But it was never enough." I said shrugging to him. "You can't heal in the same place that made you sick! You don't want to change and I can't make you. But maybe, at a less miserable time, before it's too late, we'll meet again."

Then he left again.