Yo Ho Yo Ho

Because I Love You

"Because I love you." I said to him.
"I mean like-"
"I know what you meant." I said to him. "I love both of you. But at the end of the day I had to choose."
"Why me though?"
"Because you saved me from myself. You never have gotten tired of saving me from my own chaos. This, tonight! Is the perfect example on why I knew I needed you here."
"Well, because I love you too." He said. He didn't need to, I know that, but it's nice to hear.

"Harry well be here soon you know, eventually." And I nodded my head in agreement.
"I'm just impatient!" I said dramatically. "I just want everything now! I feel like I've waited enough and I just want everyone together already I don't want to wait."
Carlos laughed knowing impatience is one of my bad habits.

"Mind if I interrupt?" Ben said fixing his sweater as he approached Carlos and I outfront of the main building of Auradon prep. I cleared my throat a little bit and my heart was beating really fast. I hate apologizing because I'm embarrassed of my actions and I don't want to explain any further.
"I-I'm sorry. Your majesty." I said to Ben, but looking to Carlos.
"That was dumb of me." Ben said chuckling nervously and rubbing the back of his neck. Carlos nudge me in the ribs to continue my apology.

"I shouldn't have gone all claws out on you like that. You didn't deserve that. I know you're trying to do the right thing but it's just hard for me to understand that your care is so genuine."
"I apologize for going all beast on you too. I overstepped my boundaries and shouldn't have pushed you like that. And I should've asked you about inviting Harry over here before I did it, I guess I just wanted you to put it all behind you and move forward and embrace it here."

I sighed. I can see his thinking but it just doesn't work like that. In a perfect world it does, my the world is far from perfect and so are people and so is love. It's messy and it's confusing and it hurts sometimes but you fight for what you believe in and what's right to you, and no one can tell you what you're feeling is invalid.

"I get it." I said to him. "But what you have to understand is just because I'm here doesn't mean the Isle didn't happen to me. Carlos and his mom raised me while my dad was off getting high. I moved in with Mal and Evie when I was 12 because things were happening within me and Mallificent and Queen took me in to be mothers to me. Harry he-" I began as the memories took over my emotions. "Harry saved me that night my dad attacked me. He busted the doors down with Gaston's son Gil and I was barley conscious and I was bleeding and they took care of me. Uma she bandages me up and Jay and Jafar made it very clear to my dad that he would not come near me."

I sniffled and wiped my cheeks with my palms and exhaled deeply.
"I was abused. And I'm ashamed that I was abused. But I'm not that scaredy cat anymore. I have claws and fangs now too, and I will bare them to protect the same people who did that for me. I bargained for Carlos before you because he loved me when I felt like there was nothing in me to love. Jay protected me from the man who was not suppose to lay a paw on me. Mal and Evie embraced me in my most vulnerable state and accepted me. And Harry showed me how a man treats a woman. The Isle is not my home. The people on the Isle are my home."

I felt 20 pounds lighter. Like saying it outloud took the burden out of my head. It was out there. The universe has confirmation of the horrors I've witnessed and the hell that I've been through and it's her turn to repay those, positive or negative. The stars sparkles in my honesty and the setting sun glistened the lake and she calmed me. Mother nature was talking to me telling me that it's not my burden to bare anymore. Healing comes in waves, and maybe the waves hit the rocks from time to time, but it's okay, you're still healing you're still healing, she tells me.

Ben wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. I was startled by his sudden embrace and looked to Carlos and he nodded with a smile on his face. I patted Bens back since my arms were awkwardly angled.
"Help me do the right thing." He whispered to me.
"You've done enough." I said as we parted. I held onto his forearms. "It's our turn to do the right thing." I said looking back to Carlos. "It's our turn to change people's minds on VKs, and be the example to get those kids there here."

Ben sniffled and rubbed his nose on his sweater and he looked to the Isle briefly. "Harry Hooks quite the character though." He said lightening the mood. I laughed along and responded, "Ah yes he is. Quite the pirate too if I may add."
"Oh yeah?"
"Well duh. His dad is Captain Hook. Been steering boats since he was a baby. One time we snuck out with Uma and crashed the bloody boat in the dock. I thought Ursula was going to make us glue it back together." I said giggling at the memory.
"No way." Ben said laughing as we walked back to the dorms.
"This one time.." Carlos began "The girls were getting their nails done at Lady Tremaines and me and Jay were waiting outside for them fooling around and Harry and Gil came walking down the alley and you know we were roasting each other and everything and then they moved along and Jay was just laughing and I couldn't figure out why and he pulled out from under his jacket he had Harry's hook and we were rolling on the ground laughing and then you girls came out confused as hell."

I reminisced on the funny memories and it made me realize that my time on the Isle wasn't all bad. Although it's easy to remember all the bad things, talking about the good stuff showed me that I'm not made of all the trauma. I have had good times and laughs and fun memories there. The horrors that have happened to me are not who I am. How I overcome and can still laugh and smile and love, even after being through hell, is who I am. 

And I am not a band person for the ways I tried to kill my sadness.