Head Down

◤forty seven◢

Compared to how Jeno has been crying all the water out of his body, Donghyuck has calmed down an eerie amount. Mark doesn't know if he's doing that thing where he forces himself to detach from everything he's feeling, but that's honestly the least of his worries right now.

Donghyuck doesn't say much, is completely silent where he's sitting beside Mark. The latter is just holding the younger's hand, letting Donghyuck rest his head on his shoulder.

Mark knows that Donghyuck doesn't really talk about his problems. But this isn't something that should be brushed over, both he and Donghyuck know that. Donghyuck had called him here for comfort and someone to ease his heart and mind, and if that's all Donghyuck needed from him right now, then Mark is more than happy to oblige.

"Do you like hydrangeas or blue violets, Mark hyung?" Donghyuck asks, running his finger along Mark's knuckles. The way he asks his question is quiet, but he's calm as well. Mark doesn't know what it means, but he can only treat Donghyuck like he normally would. With care and love, because Lee Donghyuck needs a lot of that right now.

"I like blue violets," Mark answers, calm despite the nerves wracking up his brain and heart.

"This is why I love you," Donghyuck admits, voice cracking a bit near the end. "Do you know what blue violets symbolize?"

Mark manages to smile a little bit in Donghyuck's direction.

"I love you too. What do blue violets symbolize, baby?"

"Faithfulness." Donghyuck answers, breathing out through his nose. "How fitting of you to choose it."

Mark smiles a bit wider at that, humming.

Suddenly, Donghyuck let's go of Mark's hand. He instead, crawls into the space between Mark's legs, hugging around the others waist. He lays his head down on the older boy's chest, and presses his ear right against Mark's heartbeat. It's rhythmic and consistent, and it shuts down the whirring thoughts in his brain. It grounds him, reminds him that he's not alone, and that he won't ever be alone in this, if he didn't want to be.

"Mark hyung?" Donghyuck whispers after some time, careful with the way he didn't want to break the delicate atmosphere between them.

"Yes Donghyuckie?" Mark hums, one of his hands coming up to play with Donghyuck's honey brown hair.

Donghyuck's wearing a big hoodie, one which Mark puts his other hand under, caressing the younger's waist lovingly.

He loves Donghyuck. So much that he can't find the right words to say it properly. So sometimes he hopes his actions convey the mouthfuls of sap he wants to pour into the other's ears, let's Donghyuck know that he's the one. To Mark, he's the one.

"What if I move to Seoul?" He asks, still soft and gentle, still not wanting to break the delicate silence around them.

And to be fair, Mark hasn't been to Seoul yet. Hasn't stepped foot into the city. But he's been in Toronto. He's been in Vancouver. He can somewhat picture it; the bustling city life. The late night lights, the parties on the block. The skyscrapers and the street food. The sleepless nights and the busy mornings. 

Mark thinks it's like Donghyuck's meant to shine there. He's larger than life, and way, way larger than the little town they're cooped up in.

"I think you'd have the time of your life," Mark says honestly, staring up at the ceiling as he tries to picture Donghyuck against the black sky illuminated by the city lights. Donghyuck against the industrial buildings which reach the clouds. Donghyuck against the world, in a city as big as Seoul.

He doesn't have to try hard.

Donghyuck fits right in.

"I don't like here." Donghyuck admits, circling his arms tighter around Mark. "I used to like it a lot. I used to love it. But then my parents got divorced. Jeno broke up with me. Dad got remarried. Taeil left. And now..." Donghyuck's eyes sting with the tears he's been pushing down for the past hour or two, and he can't help himself anymore as he slip from his eyes. "And now Dad is going to ruin another marriage.

"I don't like what being here has done to my Dad, hyung." Donghyuck sighs, sniffling. "He's bisexual, but he can't be who he wants to be because he'd get fired from his job. And it may seem like his job isn't worth it, but he's a family man. Or at least, that's what I thought. Before he cheated on his wife."

Mark doesn't say anything yet, doesn't know what to say if he's being honest. He simply continues his ministrations on Donghyuck's hair and on his waist, providing as much comfort and warmth as he could while Donghyuck speaks words which mustn't be easy leaving his mouth.

"I just don't wanna be here anymore. Taeil is in Seoul. Your parents are in Seoul. Let's go to Seoul, Mark hyung."

Donghyuck sits up on his knees, still between Mark's legs.

"Wouldn't you like that?" Donghyuck whispers, a small smile crawling onto his mouth. Donghyuck's lips are chapped and his eyes are bloodshot. His hair is tousled and his pupils shake. His nose is red and his cheeks are flushed. His eyes are teary, and his boy looks so devastated. "I hate it here." He adds, forever whispering.

Both of Mark's hands are now under Donghyuck's sweater, holding his tiny waist. He brings the younger forward, until Donghyuck's knees are bracketing his hips and he's sitting on his thighs.

"I hate it here too, my sunflower." Mark agrees. "Wouldn't it be nice to catch a train? To leave this all behind and to start anew. Where nobody knows us. Where we're free to do whatever we want. Where we can be together."

"I want to be with you." Donghyuck nods, bringing his face closer to Mark's and looking into his eyes. "I want to hold your hand everywhere we go, and I want to do it without pretending like I can't hear all the insults. I want to be somewhere where reputation doesn't taint our lives and restricts our way of living. I want it all with you."

Mark kisses him slowly.

"I want it all with you too," he whispers against the other's lips.

Donghyuck sniffles again.

"I love my Dad. And I love Taeil. I love Jeno and I love Jaemin." Donghyuck starts, tugging at the drawstrings on Mark's hoodie. "And I love Mark Lee. I grew up here. I met you all here. I loved you all here.

"But I can't be here anymore. It hurts."