The Cleansing: Part One (Book Two of the Golden Eyes Trilogy)

Chapter 21: I Had Nothing.

Finn

Nova pulled into the driveway and made her way inside. She didn't even look at me as she walked into the den that was slowly becoming Shasta's room and woke her up from her nap.

"Are we going to see our friend?" I heard Shasta ask through a yawn.

"Yes Little One we are. Put on your shoes for me while I go change okay?"

Nova once again didn't look at me as she made her way up the stairs and into our room. I haven't felt Nova's cold shoulder in such a long time I forgot how horrible it is. And I couldn't feel our bond. It was as if she'd closed it off to me somehow. I followed her into our room and stood in the doorway as she changed into another outfit and tossed her clothes into the laundry basket in the closet.

"So you give me some of the best sex I've ever had and then ignore me?"

Nova said nothing as she pulled on a clean shirt and shorts before putting on her new boots again.

"I said I would try." I pushed further as she continued to ignore me. I hate being ignored and she knows that.

"But you didn't mean it Finn. You've already made up your mind. You're not even going to give him a chance. So I'm going to make you see what I see in him and maybe you'll understand why I am as attached as I am. I want him to be a part of our family Finn. None of you were a part of my plan and the world was even crazier back then. But I still took you all in.

"You and Tommy. The girls. Shasta. The boys. The Wonder Twins. Walowski. I didn't want to bring any of you into my life but I did anyways. And I don't regret it. But we had a lot more to deal with back then than we do now. This feels normal and sane to me compared to what we went through back in the United States.

"We're finally in our safe place Finn. We are. Everything is okay now. You're the one who convinced me into having four kids. Of having a family. And I'm trying to start on that family because I want it too. And I want him to be a part of it. I'm going to make you see how amazing he is and you'll understand why I want him so much. I'm going to prove you wrong." Nova left before I could say anything and I sat down on the bed with a heavy sigh as I went over what she said.

I hated that she was always right. Compared to what we went through in the states the most difficult thing we had to do was find our places. But almost everyone had already. Except for me. Lily taught an art class, Halley and Finch worked with the children in the school. Tommy, Ashton, and Kyle all worked on the military base in different departments. Walowski was developing the cure but had a secure job with their lab once he completes his task.

Rudy was currently watching the kids until they started school next week but even he found his place at the local library. Nova was training the Resistants and me? I had nothing. I didn't have a place here. Maybe that's why I was fighting Nova so hard. I felt like I didn't belong here. There was nothing for me here.

My only use was being the first person cured of the virus. I didn't fit in anywhere. Everyone else was living their lives and enjoying their time here while I was stuck in a rut. And I didn't even realize it before but it was putting a strain on mine and Nova's relationship. I was fighting her about something I shouldn't be.

I made a promise to her and I broke it.

So I will try to like the kid. Nova never asks for anything but I can give her this. Three days to convince me into adopting him. But I did need her help. I needed to find my place here. I needed to feel like I belonged too. If this is our home for who knows how long I need to make it my home. Nova made any place feel like home but I needed something to do.

I needed to be a part of something. I didn't like sitting around all day. I wanted to be part of the new society. And hopefully Nova will help me even though she's pissed at me right now. I know where she went and maybe it's time I tried for her. It has to be give and take. Not just take and take. And until that conversation I didn't realize just how much I took Nova for granted because she was right.

She wasn't going to take us in but Finch convinced her to. She even went out of her way to go back and save Halley when she didn't have to. She didn't want Shasta at first but then she caved. She didn't want to take on the Wonder Twins but Finch forced her into it anyways. She didn't want to take on the boys but I begged her to and she did.

And the whole time before we actually got to our safe place Nova cared for and protected all of us when she didn't have to. She died for us, got shot for us. Was tortured for us. She constantly put her own life at risk for people she didn't even want to care for to begin with. But she opened her heart to us and fed us and protected us and constantly risked her own life for us when she didn't have to.

Nova was so right holy shit. I do take and take and give nothing in return. I couldn't give her the one thing she asked of me. She didn't even want a solid answer she just wanted a chance to show me that he would be a good addition to our large and crazy family. And I couldn't even do that for her. She was right for being angry with me.

But I'm going to fix that. I'll give her these next three days to change my mind. I'll meet the kid and hang out with him and get to know him. And I won't be biased and reject him just because I don't believe I'm ready for another kid. It's going to be whether or not he does belong with us. I'm going to give Nova what she asked. After everything she's done for me-for all of us-it's the least I could do for her. I'm always taking and never giving and this is my chance to give.

I headed downstairs and got into the van, driving towards the orphanage. I parked next to Nova's new jeep, smiling as I reminisced about that night. I was right about something that night too. We were going to have our ups and downs. It won't always be perfect. But the ups were so good they triumphed over the downs and made the downs worth it. We were just having a down. But I wanted to fix that. I wanted to make things right. And I would start by giving this kid a chance for her. I just hope she'll forgive me.