digital heart | minsung | ✔

36

Later that day, after my classes were over and skipping dinner, I find myself online again, marching through the city that's wrapped in the midnight darkness.

The atmosphere in Nox is rather cheerful tonight. Torches are everywhere, the light given off by many flames dancing over their surroundings. It was busy, with street performers making music everywhere and players and NPCs dancing to the cheerful melodies together.

If I remember correctly, tonight was a special occasion related to the two moons of Parallel, Noras and Laras. Were the current events different, I wouldn't have hesitated to join the festivities -heck, maybe even with Minho.

I quickly ban those thoughts from my mind, knowing that they'll only hurt me more and more. Everything is already spiraling downward enough, I don't need to bring myself down even more.

Actually, I wasn't even planning to go online at all tonight. But upon entering my room a while ago, I suddenly remembered something.

There is something I have to do.

The dancing flames set a certain ring around my finger to shimmer brilliantly, multiple colord gemstones all standing out in their own way. It's a beautiful ring, but for the very first time, I'm not staring at it to admire the piece of jewelry. For the first time, I'm not smiling like a lovesick idiot while looking at it.

I'm staring at it with pain, and the hollow feeling of loneliness is quick to settle in my being. Never before did I realize how raw emotions actually are in the online world, but right now it hits me really hard.

My vision blurs as tears water my eyes, and I know what I have to do. Get rid of it, that's the only option.

The ring is the last string that really ties me to Minho. It holds many good memories, but all they do is hurting me now. I can picture it too clearly; the way he gently took my hand in his, the illegally attractive smirk he wore when he pushed the ring onto my ring finger. Thinking of them used to set my heart afire, now it only feels like a hand yanks it out of my ribcage. Once it's gone, I should feel better, right?

I hardly give a shit about the fact that I'm practically standing in the middle of a buzy plaza. Players and NPCs bump into me as they go, some cursing at me or asking me to move. It's like I hardly process it at all, my thoughts once again take it over.

From the very beginning, things have been too perfect to be true. It started the day he saved me, a pathetic and dumb level fourteen player that ended up in a level twenty-five area. Why on Earth did I think a guy like LeeKnow would actually take genuine interest in me? He must've thought of me as an easy target from day one. I should have seen it coming when a perfect guy like him wanted to be friends immediately, because who would act like that to a stupid, random stranger they just met? And it didn't stop there. Good looks, flirty, touchy, incredibly good with words, aren't those common qualities for... for... what is Minho?

My thoughts are completely messed up, and I'm aware how toxic my mind is becoming. I'm doubting everything, and I'm currently replaying all the moments I shared with Minho. Was all of it really an act? Were there actually genuine moments? Was I really just a toy for him? A nice distraction? If I wouldn't have ran into him at school, would we ever have met? Or would he just have broken up with me before that happened, happily moving on to a new guy? If Changbin and Chan knew, why didn't they do anything? Are they playing the same game?

But Changbin seemed so happy when he saw Felix.

Hyunjoon's words didn't leave my mind, either, but they aren't soothing me at all. If anything, they only add to the confusion even more, leaving my thoughts in complete chaos. They almost want to make me think a little more positive about this all, but I'm too scared to allow that. But if Minho really talked about me like that, getting all happy and-

What if Hyunjoon is lying as well? What if it's all just one giant set-up? What if it's all just one big game to break my heart?

I don't want to hold onto strands of hope that might be as fake as everything else. Now isn't the time to try and fix what used to make me happy. It's time to let it go.

Unknowingly, tears had started to stream down my face, and I only notice when a strangled sob escapes my throat. I look up, wiping away most of the tears. People are looking at me, both players and NPCs. Weird looks, some judging and some curious. They all lack sympathy, but that's okay. Sympathy gets me nowhere.

Pursing my lips in a thin line, I turn around and walk away, leaving the lively plaza of Nox behind me as I go. The silence rests on my shoulders heavily, and it makes me awfully aware of the fact that I'm crying.

I chuckle humorlessly, and the sound that escapes my lips almost scares me. It doesn't sound like me at all.

I guess Minho dumping me really broke a part of me away, huh? Sucks to be me.

I just want to be happy again.

With one harsh movement, I pull the colorful ring from my ringfinger. It clatters to the ground pathetically, disappearing from my sight under the absence of light in this dark alley. Soon, a small burst of blue particles gives away its location, before it automatically transfers to my inventory.

That was step one.

I use the back of my hand to wipe away a new round of fresh tears that threaten to leave my eyes as I open my menu, wasting no time to search for the ring in my inventory. I bite my lip harshly as I tap a few buttons, making a notification pop up.

    Are you sure you want to sell this item?
           ↳ yes/no

I want nothing but to hit yes with all the resolution I felt a moment ago. But it's like that all went down the drain the moment I was given the choice. Now my finger lingers in the air idly, and my mouth feels awfully dry when I attemot to swallow.

Why would I keep it? Sure, it boosts my stats, but I know I don't need it. I'm strong enough on my own; I don't need Minho, nor do I need any of the junk he gave me.

That's what I try to tell myself, but it's as if my entire being refuses to select yes. I blink once, twice, trying to get my jumbled thoughts in line. Memories of my time with Minho flash through my mind, and before I know it, my fingers tap no instead.

I can't do it.

Staring at the ring while it slowly spins around in my inventory gets me nowhere, so I close it with a sharp movement, moving to the logout button instead.

My entire being longs for Minho's presence, a silent plea that will never be heard nor acted upon. Minho might be nearby, but he's so painfully far away at the same time.

If tossing that stupid ring doesn't work, maybe I should just stay away from the game completely. That way, I won't get assaulted my painful memories all the time.

I smile bitterly as I hit the logout button, most likely for the last time in a while.

Maybe it's time to find other distractions.

Anthem of Fighting online has lost all its glory to me, and I highly doubt that can ever be fixed. It's time for JOne to take a break.

It's time for Jisung to fix himself first.

--

i'm sorry for yet another lame filler, i promise the next chapters will be more eventful.

okay so, in the next book, seungmin might take back all the times he said he wasn't interested in dating when he meets a certain boy 👀