digital heart | minsung | ✔

43

trigger warning
slight mention of suicide

Another moment of silence follows, with only the soft chirping of birds and the wind sweeping over the plains to offer some sounds. The curiosity and nerves are gnawing but I wait patiently, not wanting to pressure Minho into talking. He'll speak up when he's ready, and he's free to take as much time as he needs.

The tension that hung between us before is almost gone, and I realize that I'm already happy to have him next to me again, even though I still have no idea what his story is. It's funny how weak I am when it comes to Minho, practically forgiving him before he even said anything.

"Jisung, I lied to you," the raven-haired boy next to me suddenly speaks up, keeping his eyes on Twilight and Valkyrie, who are peacefully grazing in the distance. He softly nibbles on his lower lip, obviously still deep in thought.

I look at him in confusion, my brows knitting together in a small frown.

"About what?" I suspiciously ask, suddenly worrying about what direction this conversation will go into. I'm honestly not sure how much I can handle, and I can merely hope that what Minho tells me won't be the end of everything between us.

But then again, we already are on our second chance.

The older chuckles softly upon seeing my expression but quickly wipes the smile off his face again and sighs. "I am gay. Very gay, especially for you, but Minho always pretended to be straight, more for himself than for anyone else."

Minho? Is he talking in third person now? My eyes wander to his player menu, floating next to his head. Lee Know, Minho, is he trying to imply something? Making assumptions is so tempting, but I've done that enough when it comes to this boy.

"Ever since I found out about my own sexuality, I've been fighting it with all I have. Yes, I used girls for that, and it's something I'm not proud of. Chan hyung convinced me to buy Anthem of Fighting, hoping that it would distract me from that habit because obviously, it was hurting me and all the girls as well. For months, it did nothing."

He pauses, and a small smile plays on his lips, bitter yet genuine. "Then I saw a guy online, chased by three monster pigs that were far above his level, I decided to be a good guy for once, and I saved him. You. I never believed in love at first sight, but you made me rethink my beliefs."

Then he laughs, the sound void of any humor. "My online life was quick to become the best thing that ever happened to me. I had you, and you made me the happiest person alive. But the more I fell for you, the more I started to struggle in real life. Yes, I stopped dating random girls, because you were all that mattered to me, but at the same time, my internal struggles were too much to handle, and I harshly pushed the boy I loved so much away from me as soon as he saw me in real life. It broke me, but there was this little voice inside my head that told me to keep it up, to protect myself."

Minho looks up, and his eyes are glossed over with tears as they meet mine. "Maybe you were excited about meeting me in real life one day, but you met the real me online. Lee Know is more real than Lee Minho will ever be."

The last sentence he spoke catches me off-guard and combined with the tears that threaten to leave the boy's eyes, it makes my breath hitch in my throat. That one sentence is enough to bring back the feeling of dread to my consciousness, like a cold hand slowly squeezing my heart. The boy in black swallows thickly, and continues.

"I used to have a twin brother. We were really close, he was my everything and I was his. Everything we did, we did together. Not because people expected us to, being twins and all, but because we genuinely wanted to. Maybe our bond was unusually deep, but whatever, it doesn't matter any longer anyway.