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Kylie: My Happy Place
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I gotta stay high all the time To keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh High all the time To keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh Spend my days locked in a haze Trying to forget you babe I fall back down Gotta stay high all my life To forget I'm missing you Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
I take out the small packet from my pocket and I pour the contents onto my island. I let out a giggle as a sudden gust of wind blows through my kitchen, causing me to lose a quarter of the powder.
I turn up the volume to the song that is currently playing before I grab some paper that I have lying around. I roll it into the perfect before I hold it against my nose, the smile falls from my lips as I begin to move the paper around.
I let out a cough as I snort the powder. I back away, wiping my nose until I feel that it is right to try again. I place the paper in a position which works best as I start working my way through the powder.
Once I finish snorting it all, I step back and I hastily grab a hold of my fridge doors as I feel myself crumbling to the ground.
"Shit." I curse as I feel drool falling out of my mouth. My body crashes to the floor and begins to shake. Besides my overdose, I have never felt this loss control over my body.
"KYLIE!" I could barely hear my sister shouting my name as I struggled to gain control over my body. I feel something being placed under my head and someone calls for an ambulance.
"She's having a seizure."
---
"Oh Kylie." Zion shakes his head as he looks at me. "Why?"
I could faintly hear the news playing in the background, my name was being said and the word drugs was tied to it. The acting job that I thought would stabilise my career would be taken from me, I would be back to square one.
"Kylie." Zion lightly shakes my body and I lock eyes with him. "Why did you take drugs again?"
"I'm not ok." I answer him. "I'm not ok."
"I know baby." He wraps his arms around me, pulling me close to him as he kisses my head. "You were doing so good, Kyls. I would watch the news and see how successful your album was doing but here you are now."
"Just another drug addict." I fake a laugh. "I'm definitely living the best life."
"You need to fight your demons." Zion whispers in my ears. "Don't let them win, I have to go now but I'll try find you tomorrow."
"No." I tear up as he prepares to leave me. "Don't leave me again."
"I never left." He steps back. "You put me in here to get better and now it's your turn to get better."
I feel a hand on my shoulder and I say nothing to Zion as I'm taken away. I'm led to an office where a psychiatrist now sits, analysing me.
For the first time in a very long time, I am going to tell the truth and nothing about the truth. There was an actual reason why I started taking drugs and a reason as to why I continued. I never wanted to admit it but to get better, I have to tell the truth.
Only the truth can set you free.
"I've read your file." The balding male says as he looks at me. "You was recently released from Cavertons Rehabilitation Facility after completing a 21 day program followed by an additional 10 day aftercare program. The progress that you made in that time is quite remarkable but here we are today."
"I relapsed." I say in a blank tone.
"You relapsed." He picks up my folder and has a brief read through. "Are you aware of why you relapsed?"
I wrap my arms around myself, not answering his question.
"Alright, let's do it like this." He clears his throat. "Eleven months ago, you released a self titled album."
I nod my head.
"What song best describes you?"
"Issues." I silently respond as a deep frown settles on my face. "Me and my heart, we got issues."
"Issues was centered around self love but I'm guessing that there are underlying issues which were not addressed." He comments and I nod my head. "What were the issues?"
"You never introduced yourself." I rub my arms as I stare into his eyes.
"I did." He gives me a kind smile. "Your eyes were focused on me but it did not appear as if you was listening. I'm Dr Jameel."
My face hardens at the name.
"That's also my surname." I bite down on my lower lip. "My dad hates me."
Dr Jameel says nothing as the tears begin to fall from my eyes. I could barely focus on his face as I stare past him, out the window.
At first I felt caged in this room but maybe I was seeing it wrong. I always assumed that I was being caged in but maybe this room would symbolise my freedom. This is one of the few places where I can say it all without being stopped.
"Is your father part of the reason why you take drugs?" I shake my head.
"I thought it was because I was suffering from daddy issues, I was never good enough for my father so I went looking for love in all the wrong places." I look at Dr Jameel. "I thought I did it for him but he wasn't the full reason. My mind had locked away something so that I wouldn't h-hurt anymore."
"What did it lock away?" He softly asks as if he knows that I'm about to say something traumatic and maybe it is that. He has probably heard thousands of these stories before so what makes me different.
Is it the fact that I carried like normal?
Is it that I went on to become the biggest superstar before I overdosed?
"When I was fourteen..." My mind goes blank and my vision blurs as I fight myself. The words are on the tip of my tongue but the words have never been said out loud and my mind wants to protect. It knows that there is no going back from here.
"Kylie."
"I was a child actress before I became a singer." I close my eyes, not wanting to see Mr Jameel's face. "As an actress I worked with many people. I worked with other children and I worked with adults, a lot of adults."
I hear him make a sound as if he knows where this is going.
"I worked on a show called Living Life as Kids and it was a show about adults reliving their lives as kids." I squeeze my eyes shut. "I was molested, every day for a year."
