As I lay in my bed, I wrap my arms around myself as I think back to my session earlier that day. Knowing that I told them about the sexual abuse makes me uncomfortable since I kept that to myself for the longest time.
The crazy thing is that it's not uncommon in the entertainment industry.
I sigh deeply as I stand up, I make my way over to my makeshift vanity and I spend the next ten minutes applying makeup. Since my issue is with drugs, I do have some privileges in my room. They know that I'm not about to self harm or cause harm to others so I have been given a tiny mirror for my room.
I was allowed a total of five makeup products so I chose wisely. I chose my eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow palette, lipstick, foundation and powder. Even though I have been allowed the makeup products, they get taken away after 7pm because they do room checks.
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I look at myself in the mirror for a moment. I am a beautiful girl but I am also such a damaged girl which overshadows all of the beauty.
I've seen what molestation does to people. Most of us throw our lives into drugs and alcohol eventually overdosing while other commit suicide. So many stories have come out about this yet there haven't been changes.
Adults should not touch children.
Teenagers should not touch children.
So, why does it happen?
I look away from my mirror and I stare down at my feet.
Even now I wonder how my my life even ended up this way. I thought that when I disappeared from this life, all would be well. I was doing good when I came back, I had the number one album in the world and I was on top of my game.
Now I'm in rehab for the second time and it hasn't even been two months. Coming out of here, I can't guarantee that I will have a career to go back to. I may not even have family waiting outside for me after the way I've disappointed them.
---
I can't even smile as I look at Zion who running his hands through his hair.
"We shouldn't be here together." He mutters and I frown at his words. "I'm going to request a transfer."
My frown deepens.
"Don't."
Zion lets out a deep sigh and that's when I realise that he is going to break my heart for the hundredth time.
"Just say it." The words barely come out of my mouth.
"I may have given you the impression that I want to rekindle what we had but I don't." A tear slides down my face. "Being in here has allowed me to do some serious thinking and I've been thinking of ways to cleanse my soul. I know that you didn't get me into drugs, if anything I got you hooked on them."
I rub my arms as I just stare at him.
"I love you Kylie, I really do but what we had was toxic. Everytime I look at you, I'm plagued with memories of what we used to do. We would snort cocaine off eachother infront of our friends, we would have sex infront of them and we were just vile to be around. Those people weren't our friends but we stayed there for so long. I've been in here for almost three months and not a single person has reached out to me."
"They didn't reach out for me either." My voice cracks.
"I know baby." He cups my face. "I'm happy Kylie, for the first time I am a happy man. I thank you so much for putting me in here, you have changed my life. I have changed my life but there are things that I need to leave behind."
"Me." I step out of his hands and I wrap my arms around myself, "You need to leave me behind."
"Maybe someday we can unite but I need to get better." He gives me a sad smile. "Upon arriving, I had done some tests and they concluded that I would have been dead before my twenty seventh birthday if I had continued the way I did."
"Oh Zion." My bottom lip trembles at his words.
"Rehab has been good to me and I won't be leaving until I feel sure of myself." He smiles at me. "I have transferred your money back to your account and I am now paying for my own treatment."
"Zion." I back away from him as more tears fall from my face.
"Thank you." His face brightens up as if he has cleared his conscious. "Thank you so much and I'm sorry for putting you through everything that I did. I will always be there for you as a friend, no matter what."
"I love you Zion." I utter the words for the first time in a year. "I love you and I want to be with you. I thought I could move on but you consume my mind and I need you back in my life."
"I love you Kylie but I don't want you back."
I don't wait around for anything as I run away from him. I find myself a corner where I completely break down because that conversation did not go to plan. With Zion practically out of my life, I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
Is there a point?
"Miss Fenty, Dr Jameel is awaiting your presence." A nurse says as two men help me to my feet. I don't fight back as they lead me to the office that I don't want to be in, I don't want to talk about my past anymore.
I never want to relieve what happened to me ever again.
I went through enough of it as a child.
One of the men knocks on the door as we stand on the opposite side.
"Come in." The man to my left pushes the door open and I am suddenly pushed inside before the door shuts behind me.
I go to cuss but I freeze as I spot a familiar man standing next to Dr Jameel.
