I crave attention, not from a crowd but from a single person. I crave affection, not from a hook-up but from a relationship. I want the innocent things, like holding hands while taking a stroll through the park. Forehead kisses when having each other in a tight embrace. Randomly confessing our love for each other over and over again just because we can. I crave it, and I hate it because my craving will never be satisfied. So I have to settle with flirting to fill the empty spot of affection. Being really obnoxious, to cover for the attention I'm not going to get any time soon. So I'm being filled, but not my the things I want and it hurts. It hurts seeing people being able to do this, but here I am on my bed writing over these cravings that will never be satisfied. But what can I do about it? Nothing, I can't do anything.
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I'm tired. I'm tired of acting like I'm stronger than I feel. I'm tired of laughing at things that make me want to cry. I'm tired of agreeing to things that make my skin crawl. I'm tired of letting people control the way I should act and feel. No, I'm not your friend. I'm your biggest nightmare. I'm so tired of trying to live up to your expectations that you broke me. The lock that's kept this demon caged for so long, is finally broken. Now I'm after you, so you better run, you better apologize and beg for mercy because this demon is after blood. And I'm not planning to stop it.
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No matter how many times I try, no amount of words will ever bring you back to me. No amount of confessions, no amount of compliments. Even when I become your rock, you don't acknowledge me. I am merely a pebble on your road to happiness, while you are a mountain I must overcome. Every once in a while, you throw in a storm, avalanche, blizzard. Things to keep me from reaching the other side. So it takes me longer to get over you, than for you to get over me.
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We all have that someone that is our light. That light is so bright that even when they leave, it's still there. Glowing lighting up every corner of the heart so we're not scared. There might be times that light seems to shine too bright, others it seems like it barely glows at all. It's scary for a while, but remember that the light will always be there for you, that's all that should matter.
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I thought we built up a strong structure, something that would never fall. Something that would never waver when the storm would hit. A structure made of confidence, love, and truth. But that pitiful stack of insecurities and doubts came tumbling down as soon as the storm started forming. So now I'm here, laying on the ground waiting to die as the storm comes closer. I have no protection so I have to build my own fortress, but it already may be too late.
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Poems
PoetryA few thoughts, poems, and whatever the fuck I want it to be. Don't read if you're easily offended because some of these topics are really sensitive.
