Out of Town: A Spot Conlon Story

XXXV

I feel lips on mine when I wake up. My eyes flutter open and I see Spot's bright blue eyes staring back at me. The sunrise reflecting in his eyes I can feel myself getting lost in them. He has seen so much, more then I ever will. I want to be with Spot for a long time, which is crazy. We have only known each other for a month, I do not know why we are so connected. I want Spot. I want him to be there for me like I am for him. I want him to be happy. I want to start a family with him, which is something we can never do. I need to tell him eventually, he must know. But right now we can just be in eachother's arms staring at eachother.
Days go by each day waking up next to each other. It has become routine. Once I'm up I'll go downstairs and talk with Edith. Then I go to the courthouse to listen to some hearings. After lunch I go to the docks to meet up with Zoom and Toes for reading lessons. And finally I go to bed with Spot. Of course things change occasionally, I might buy a book for the boys to read in the afternoon, or Spot and I might go for a swim but other than that it is schedule. It is getting boring as things become normal, stiff even.
How can everything be so perfect but not right? I love waking up and staring into Spot's eyes. I love helping Edith, she is like the Grandmother I never had. I love helping the boys better thems. I love falling asleep in Spot's arms every night. Nothing is wrong, nothing is out of place. No, I do miss somethings. For instance, I miss the thrill of being on stage and performing for Aunt Medda. I miss talking to Claire everyday. I miss sewing, and Aunt Medda's cooking. I miss Olivia and Wendy. I miss my mom. Why did she leave me? Was I not enough? Will I ever be enough? Why am I messing with myself, everything I going fine. I want to dance again, I want to dance for Aunt Medda again. That is when I need to do. I am ready to go back to the theater. I am going to miss waking up with Spot everyday, seeing the boys, and my mourning talks with Edith but I need to dance.
I'll go back on Sunday mourning, just so I do not go back in the middle of practice week.
Tuesday afternoon I am walking up to the harbor as usual. Spot is on his throne aiming with his slingshot. His eyes spell confusion. This does not seem like a good time to mention I am leaving on Sunday. As I approach him he puts his slingshot down frowning at me.
"Pete came down today, the hattan boys are goin' on strike" he says.
"Why?"
"The pape price went up, I know they'll be here soon" he sighs, "askin' for my support in da strike". He picks up his slingshot again hitting a bottle from a ways away, "I can't put my boys well-being in danger even if I support the effort behind it". I can't leave Brooklyn until the strike is over, I can't leave Spot like this.
"Shouldn't you stand up for whats right" I question him.
He looks at me for a long time before answering, "if we don't sell papes we don't eat. And Jack isn't da best at thinkin'. He can talk all he wants but what happens when he gets push back?". He puts his hand under my chin to make me look at him, "I'se can't bring myself ta let the boys starve that. Also Edith a pension from Pulitzer, if we don't sell, she won't be able ta support the lodging house. Where would we sleep?"
Spot is right, we can't put our well-being in something we are not sure is certain. "What if they prove they'll stand strong"
"We back up our brothers"
"Can we go on a walk tonight?" I ask him. I will be good for him to think about his decisions. Also, I could tell him about my infertility. Is it too soon to tell him about it? No, it doesn't matter how long we have been together, our relationship moved quickly. It is time for him to know I can't have kids. Not that we would want any right now, I still have a year of school left. We are teenagers we don't need to think about kids, so I shouldn't tell him yet. No, it seems dishonest if I keep it from him. I don't know what I am going to do.
"A walk sounds nice" he says breaking me out of my train of thought.
"Try to take it easy until then" I say. Spot tends to stress himself out when he has to make decisions about the boys. He loves being the leader and instilling discipline but he doesn't want to make a decision to hurt them.
"No promises" he gives me a smirk.
"For me" I pout getting up on my toes.
"I'll think about it".
I give him a peck on the cheek before heading inside to teach Zoom and Toes. They are picking up quickly, they can identify all of their letters and can read simple words. I have gotten them some children's book over the past week and they are able to read most of the words in them. It is impressive for some seven year olds. I guess that they have had some exposure to literature due to the papers, so that might play a roll in it. Whatever it is though, I am just happy that they are learning.
Zoom and Toes are like the kids I will never have.
"Can you tell us a story before we go to bed" Zoom asks me. He tugs at my skirt a little bit"
"Of course" I say, picking Zoom up and holding Toes' hand leading them to their room. Some of the other little kids are already in bed and asleep now so I make sure to keep a hush voice. "Their is a princess trapped in a tower deep in a Forrest. No one knows she is there, except a robin that sings to her every morning. As the years go by she begins to sing with the bird. This catches the attention of a nearby explorer. He-" they story is interupped by snoring of the boys. I guess I will finish the story later. I leave the room without making a sound before greeting Spot in the common area.
"Time for a walk" he says holding out his hand to me.
I place my hand in his,"indeed" he lifts my hand to his lips and gives it a light kiss.
"Then what are we waiting for"