waiting... | nick mara

twenty one

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nick's POV
it's been two days since chris last talked to me. i didn't find her when i woke up. i only woke up to a minor headache and zion's trash cooking.

i wanted to catch a ride with jasmine to school so i could check up with chris, but jasmine had other plans for the both of us.

sleeping with jasmine just for fun is never my intention, but it helps keep me distracted. and she's more than willing to help.

i walk onto campus alone, i needed to get away from jasmine and hopefully catch chris. all i seem to think about is chris. this isn't supposed to be normal.

i meet up with everyone else but kept my eyes open for her. the bell rang before i could find her. might as well continue the search later on.

***

i leave my class a few minutes early so i could be there once chris exits her class.

the bell rings as i'm about to reach her classroom door and i see her walk out first.

"chris! hey!" i call out to her as i pick up my pace. she doesn't look back at me.

"hey," i say as i finally catch up to her.

she doesn't look back up at me and my smile falls, "what's wrong?"

she walks faster than normal, "um nothing, i have to- um... meet up with shawn."

oh

i let her walk away, feeling dumb, "i'll just see you later."

i get my lunch and take a seat next to edwin. "hey man what's up," edwin says and takes one of my fries.

"aye don't touch my food dude," i swipe his hand away and he laughs, "hey um, did chris say anything to you?"

edwin gulps down his food, "did she say anything to you?"

"no, she's just been acting weird lately."

"like how weird?" he asks me as he takes another one of my fries.

i swipe his hand again, "i don't know. it's like she's avoiding me."

edwin's eyes start drifting off, "she probably... just... is busy."

"yeah... probably," i hesitate, but maybe she really is just busy. or maybe she just doesn't like me anymore. damn have i already messed up that bad for her to switch up on me like this? god, i have to stop overthinking.

edwin nudges my arm, "hey let me ask you something though."

i let out a sigh, "fine ed, go ahead. just take another fry,"

he smiles, "nah not about that, but i'd gladly take another.... but why do you care so much?"

my eyebrows furrow together. edwin notices and continues, "nah man like why you so worried if she talks to you or not? if i remember correctly, you were the one ignoring her all throughout high school."

why am i so worried? these aren't feelings... right? i shake the thoughts out of my head, "nah i'm not worried. she just hasn't been giving me the attention she always gives if you know what i'm saying."

why the fuck do i say these things. i don't want to say them, but at least it got edwin off my back.

***

health concepts finally rolled by and i walked in the classroom early to try to find her.

i spot her in her usual spot alone, her head in a book.

"hey nerd," i say to her as i walk to my seat. she looks up to meet my eyes, but i could see her bright mood go down.

she doesn't reply to me and returns to reading her book. "ohhhkay then," i remark as i sit down.

shawn walks in and she immediately puts the book away as she flashes him a smile.

"damn where was that when i walked in." i scoff and she turns her head to glare at me then brings her attention back to shawn. hey at least i got some sort of recognition.

"hi cutie," shawn says all flirty and chris is just eating it all up.

my eyes roll as i bring my arms together. "what's up nick," shawn turns his attention to me and nods my way.

"hey pretty boy," i manage to fake a smile his way. tiffany comes into the classroom just as the bell rings and i think this has been the first time i've actually been happy to see her.

all throughout class, chris seems to be extra close to shawn. it gets me so annoyed seeing her laugh at his dumb jokes. they're not even funny, i don't get how she's laughing that hard at them.

even tiffany noticed my balled up fists, but i just got more annoyed as she tried helping me let loose.

as of now, the bell is about to ring and i've already made my mind up on just meeting her before she rides with zion again.

the bell rings and she starts packing her stuff while still talking to shawn. i just walk past them and head toward zion's car. jasmine hasn't been taking her home lately and it's partly my fault, but if it's not me then jasmine is just with any other guy.

better me than anyone else right?

"what are you doing here nicholas?" chris raises my attention as she walks closer to zion's car.

"well hi to you too christine," i cross my arms together.

she lets out an annoyed sigh, "you didn't answer my question."

"have you been avoiding me?" i let out, a little embarrassed about how insecure that sounded.

her eyes dart to the ground then back up at mine, "kind of?"

"want to explain to me why?" i step closer to her.

she tucks her loose strand of hair behind her ear, "um well... you know how we slept in the same bed at z's house?"

how could i forget. i lower my head to meet her eyes, "yeah what about it."

she starts to fiddle with her fingers, "i- uh... i woke up in your arms."

i want to laugh but i also want to wrap my arms around her. she seems so nervous telling me this and her deep brown eyes are glossy as she looks up at me.

"and... you think that you're cheating on shawn," i give her a small comforting smile, seeing that is all what i can give her.

she lets out a deep breath, "well yeah and i know what you're gonna say, 'it's not cheating if y'all haven't even made it official blah blah blah' but it will hurt him. and that's the last thing i want to do."

her amount of sympathy to a guy she barely knows makes me mad. shawn isn't the guy she thinks he is and i can't be the one to tell her.

"that's why you're avoiding me? so pretty boy over here can't get hurt? do you not see what i see?" i point my direction towards shawn on the other side of the parking lot hanging out with a bunch of girls surrounding him.

i look back to chris to see a frown has been put on her face, making me want to take back everything i said.

she looks back up at me, "nick look. i trust him. and you know, as well as anyone else around here including shawn, that i had the fattest crush on you for quite a while. if i told shawn what happened, i don't know what's gonna happen but i can't take that chance okay?"

i watch her as she stresses over everything. "okay. i'll keep my distance." i let go of the situation and a relieved smile appears on her face.

"but just know," i walk backward towards my car, "i did this for you. not him."