Gender Fluid? Pansexual?

Escaping a Toxic, Abusive, or Manipulative Partner

People always say, "oh if it were me I would leave." or "You're being stupid for staying." But people fail to comprehend the complexity of one's psychological state when in a toxic relationship.

I recently escaped my toxic relationship of 3 years. 3 years of withstanding emotional abuse and manipulation. I know how hard it is to get out, so here are some steps I noted during my process to help anyone else experiencing something similar.

First, recognize there's a problem. Often times in these kinds of relationships, you're tricked into thinking that there's no problem with what's happening and that it's normal. This especially happens with younger parties due to less experience, and is what happened to me.

Next, develop some self worth. Most abused people have pre-existing self esteem problems that are fueled by the relationship. They make you feel worthless, useless, helpless. Like no one else can love you like they do. This is where step 3 comes in.

Develop a support system. You need people in your life who know what you're going through and can give you advice from an outside standpoint. A lot of times abused people, especially adolecents, return to their abusers. For comfort, security, something familiar. You need your support system to be there for you and keep you from going back to your abuser.

Finally, recover. A lot of times after an abusive relationship people either rush into something new in a desperation to be loved, or they shy away from people completely in fear of being abused again. This varies depending on the person, but I experience the former. Neither of these are healthy ways to move on, and as a start you need to heal from the abuse. You might not realize it, but your mental health has been greatly damaged by the abuse. I recommend seeing a therapist. A lot of people are turned off by therapy, but I promise that it's one of the easiest ways to recover from a traumatic experience.

After you've healed and recovered, which takes varying amounts of time, you can then make an effort to move on if you want to, or not. Because your health comes first and foremost. If being alone is your recovery, that's fine. And if developing new relationships helps, that's fine too.

My DMs are always open to help and give you any advice if you're in an abusive, toxic, or manipulative relationship. And please, if you need help, don't be afraid to reach out for it. It gets better, and there's more past an abusive partner. There's better.

For more on my story, check out my latest book "My Shitty Life and How I Live It." where I go into detail about my experience with an abusive partner.

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