Sunshine {JHS x BTS}

I

Hoseok sighed as he looked in the mirror. His finger traced the bridge of his nose lightly, silently cursing the way it looked.

He looked at his Yoongi hyung who was peacefully sleeping on the lounge chair at the other side of the room. He admired Yoongi's cute button nose... why couldn't he have a nose like that?

His eyes then trailed down to where Yoongi's pale collarbone was peaking out slightly.
"At least one half of Sope is skinny... the other half is a fat-" he couldn't even finish his sentence as he gazed at his reflection with nothing but anguish and pure hatred.

"I hate you..." he whispered.

"Hoseok-ah.." a sleepy voice called out. Hoseok turned and saw the droopy eyes of his hyung. "Yeah?" He responded, forgetting his troubles as he made his way over to the man.

"Bad dream again, Hyungie?" Hoseok asked, already outstrerching his arms for Yoongi to slowly make his way into. He held Yoongi tight as his fingers ran through his hyungs hair.

"Seok~" Yoongi gasped out fearfully. "Shh, Hyung. It was only a dream. You're okay..."

Hoseok sighed as he whispered sweet nothings into his ear, ignoring the voice in the back of his head criticising him for not being as slim as Yoongi.

"You need to see someone for these dreams, Hyungie..." he spoke up again.
"I know... but then I have to tell them about- yeah.. I can't Seok..."

Hoseok sighed and Yoongi allowed him to straddle him, making sure to hold his sunshine close. "It was... her again..." the pale rapper spoke.

Hoseok hummed, letting Yoongi play with his hair as his other hand ran up and down his back. "She told me that she- she loves me and... then she..."

Yoongi didn't finish, didn't have to. Hoseok knew anyway.

Hoseok pushed his self-hatred to the back of his mind and focused on his hyung, dismissing the silent voice telling him he should be the one to suffer.

"It's okay hyung, you're safe," Hoseok told him, loving the way he felt so needed whilst Yoongi held him the way he did.

"Suga hyung!!" another voice boomed as the door flew open. Yoongi was quick to push Hoseok off him, the man landing on the floor with an 'oomf'.

"Jimin-ah?" Yoongi questioned, being quick to mask his previously distressed expression. Jimin pulled him up out of his seat with an excited grin. "Come on, Hyung! I made you something!"

Yoongi sighed and reluctantly agreed, letting Jimin drag him out of the room with a wide and eager grin.

Now Hoseok was left alone to gaze into the mirror, fighting back tears.

God, he felt so empty, he felt so full of pain and disgust by just looking at himself. "Lose weight, fatty," he told himself, nose scrunching up.

He snapped his eyes shut, unable to look into the unforgiving mirror any longer, heart racing as he tried to breathe through the pain.

"Don't- don't fucking cry..." he muttered under his breath, head hanging low and legs struggling to bear his weight.

"Do not fucking cry!" he shouted as his legs finally gave out from beneath him, hands finding solitude gripping his hair painfully tight.

His eyes were burning like wildfire as he held back his stubborn tears. "Don't cry, don't cry," he whispered like a mantra, almost screaming upon feeling a tear trickle down his cheeks.

'I bet if the members saw me like this they'd laugh their asses off. Army's don't care... does anyone even care?' he thought to himself as he messily wiped his tears away.

Hoseok took a seat on the lounge chair that he previously straddled Yoongi on. Why couldn't he have him back, he loved his hyung's hugs, he loved the fact only he could get them even more so.

He almost smiled as he thought about the way Yoongi held him, before his nose scrunched up in disgust. 'Why are you thinking of your hyung like that you freak' he whispered to himself. 'He'd be so disgusted if he found out, he'd never wanna hug you again if he knew how much of a fucking freak you are'

Hoseok was scared as the voice of his hyung ran through his mind, tormenting and criticising him until he curled up for security that he knew he was never going to get.

He was so disgusted in himself it actually hurt. "Why can't I be as beautiful and handsome as Seokjin hyung?" he asked himself, squeezing the small amount of chub on his thighs. "As talented as Jeongukkie..." he went off, running his hand through his hair. "As cute as Jiminie... as smart as Namjoon-ah... as sweet a smile as Yoongi hyung... as funny as TaeTae... god why do I have to be me? I hate me..." uo