Dear diary,
This is going to be a long journey.
I guess I'll start off by introducing myself, Im Michael and if I'm going to keep doing this diary shit, I'm gonna have to be 100% honest with you. that means I'm not going to hold anything back or sugar code anything. My thoughts are going to be written down no matter how bad they make me sound or now stupid you think they are.
I honestly hope nobody ever reads this because the stuff I'm going to write in you is gonna be some personal shit.
Ok, time for the honesty
My life's shit. Many people may think I have it all good and perfect, but they don't know that I'm breaking inside. I have 2 parents that love me very much and I'm thankful for that. but even though I have family and friends, I'm alone. nobody understands how I'm feeling inside. no one. I want to self harm, I feel like its going to be my escape from my hell of a reality, but the truth is I'm scared. I've never done anything like that before and I'm scared I'm going to do something wrong or fuck something up.
I try starving myself to lose weight, because honestly, I'm fat. I'm fat and it disgusts me. but every damn time I try to starve, I give in and end up eating more than I should. I've been at it for 5 months and I've only gotten fatter. I don't change in gym class anymore because I'm grossed out by my body. when I bend down, I get rolls of fat and its absolutely disgusting.
I'm not depressed but I have really bad anxiety and stress. I get so nervous over little stupid things like talking to someone new, walking through the cafeteria to get my food, getting up to use the bathroom in the middle of class, or even sitting down on a chair because I'm so fucking terrified that it will creek and everyone will know how overweight I am.
I swear my diary isn't always going to be sad and depressing like this. I don't know how it's going to end up to be honest. I'm not sure if Ill keep writing in you and if it will end up depressing or happy. I might not even write in you one day and completely stop.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
