Crash and Burn

18. Painful Gasp

I slammed the door shut and stalked right into the kitchen to grab yet another bottle of alcohol, then walked to the couch and plopped down on it. The tears started streaming down my face the second I stepped into the cab outside the airport and I was sure that the driver thought that I had been dumped or I was a lunatic. Well, he wasn't that far off. I took a swig from the bottle and reveled in the burn as it went down my throat. "Alex?" I turned around and saw Mel holding up my old baseball bat. "I thought someone broke into our home. What are you doing back so early?" She walked closer after putting down the bat and gasped when she saw my blotchy cheeks and streaming eyes. "Oh my God. What happened?" She sat down beside me and I cuddled into her immediately. I didn't answer her. I just kept crying.

Flashback

The flowers slipped from my hand and fell to the ground with a rustle. Cliché, I know, but the shock and hurt that shot through me rendered me of the usage of my brain. The tears were already welling up in my eyes. Demi's head shot towards my direction when she heard the sound and she pushed the guy away. "Alex? Wh-what are you doing here?" I tilted my head back and took a deep breath, stemming the tears from flowing. "I came to say happy birthday." The guy frowned and looked at Demi in confusion. "Isn't your birthday in July?" Demi looked over at him, then back at me. "Will, why don't you wait for me outside? I need some alone time with Alex." He frowned but shrugged. "Sure. I'll be outside lighting a joint." He took Demi in his arms and leaned in to kiss her but she turned away so the kiss landed on her cheek. "See ya," Sir Pothead, my new nickname for him, squeezed her ass and walked out. I almost puked.

"I can explain."

Can this get anymore cliché? I think the fuck not.

"I don't want to hear it." I bent down to grab the flowers as Demi walked over to me, guilt swarming her eyes. "Alex, c'mon. You said you'd understand if I found someone to hook up with." I turned around, anger now coursing through my veins. "I did say that, didn't I? But it's only been two weeks and I sure as hell thought that you'd be able to keep it in your pants for this short time. Besides, when I said find someone, I meant someone that respects your boundaries and lifestyle. Not some pothead that didn't even bother to find out when your birthday actually is." I thrusted the bouquet of flowers into her hand and grabbed my purse, turning to walk towards the door. Thank God my suitcases are still in the car. Demi grabbed my arm before I could take a step towards the door though. "Please don't go, Alex. Let me explain." I turned around to face her and saw the tears welling up in her eyes. The guilt never left either. I took a deep breath. "You have 3 minutes." Demi lead me to the couch and sat me down. She set the bouquet down on the coffee table adjacent to the table and took my hands in hers. Luck wasn't on her side because just as she opened her mouth to speak, knuckles rapped on the door and Kelsey walked in, gaze on her phone and clearly not sensing the tension. "Hey Dem, I need to know if Will is coming along with us again."

Again?

Demi cleared her throat and Kelsey finally looked up. "Oh jeez. I'm so sorry, I'll just come back later." I nodded at Kelsey as she sent me an apologetic smile before running out the door faster than a roadrunner. I turned to look at Demi and raised an eyebrow. "Again?" She sighed and held my hands tighter in hers, as if this was the last time that she ever would. "I met Will 2 stops ago. Almost the whole team was out around the city and we were at some café when Will approached me. At first, I just talked to him because he was being really nice and then I invited him to my show. He met me backstage and we hooked up at the hotel." I winced and Demi shot me an apologetic look. "When we were done, he pulled out a bag of weed from his pockets and asked if I wanted some. I said no and that he had to stay away from me if he was going to smoke so he went outside the hotel." I looked at her unamused and expectantly. "This is not explaining anything and I'm pretty sure that's your 3 minutes." I tried to wring my hands out of her grasp but she held on even tighter. "I was getting there. Please just give me 5 more minutes... I can't lose you, Alex."

I can't say no to this woman and someday, it'll be the death of me. I nodded at her to continue.

"It felt freeing that someone didn't know or didn't care about my addiction and wasn't being careful around me. Throughout the tour and even before it started, my whole team was putting so much pressure on me and I didn't feel like I was living my life. It didn't feel like my life because everyone was controlling everything and to have someone not walk on eggshells around me, it felt great. Will wanted to leave after his joint but I invited him back into the room and told him that I'd get whatever he'd want to eat when he got his munchies. He's not a bad guy, you know. He just smokes pot and when he found out about my addiction, he apologized and wanted to leave but I said that it was fine and invited him to stay longer. He's just like a breath of fresh air."

I gently pulled a hand from Demi's grasp and ran my fingers through my hair. "This is a lot to take in Demi. Why didn't you come to me when you were feeling so pressured?" She gave me a torn look. "And tell you what? That everyone was crowding around me and treating me like a baby? I'd sound like a kid that didn't want a babysitter, as if all I wanted to do was grow up. I'm turning 26 in a few months and that sounds downright pathetic. I was trying to impress you too, remember? I like you, Alex. I really really like you and only you." I took a deep breath and sat back on the couch, letting my body relax. "If you think that I'd think of you as pathetic when you don't like people constantly smothering you, do you even know me? There are things that I haven't told you yet either but you don't see me making choices that's going to push you away. I'd never see you as pathetic and you know that, Demi."

She kept quiet and just continued looking at me pleadingly. "There's a string of questions popping up in my head. Do you have feelings for him? Are you going to develop feelings for him? If I didn't come down here today, how long were you going to bring him along for? I don't doubt that you're strong enough to say no when he offers you weed, but what if he has something else?" I let out a dry chuckle and Demi winced. "I don't even know what hurts the most. The fact that you felt like I would judge you for how you were feeling or that you've moved on so quickly or that you don't respect yourself enough to find someone else. Besides, don't you think I've noticed how short our conversations are getting? How distant you've been even through text?" I shook my head and grabbed my purse off the table. "I need some time. I'll call you when I'm ready." Right before I opened the door, I turned around to see her crying on the couch. My heart ached but I knew that I couldn't fall apart in front of her or cave in. "You were the breath of fresh air for me, I got addicted and I fell in love with you. I think the part that hurts the most is that I wasn't the same to you." Her body shook uncontrollably as the sound of her sobs filled the room.

All she is now is that painful gasp of air that forces through your lungs whenever you're short of breath.

Flashback Over

After leaving the room, I hunted Max down and got him to bring me back to the airport. Over 4 hours of waiting and a plane ride later, I'm sitting in my living room couch with a bottle of alcohol in my hand. I didn't know how long it took before I got my shit together and told Mel what happened but I was now drained of tears. The salty streaks were drying on my skin with no new ones to wash them away.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

AN: I hope you liked this chapter and please remember to vote, comment and share! Sorry for any mistakes, I'll edit when I have the time.