Crash and Burn

17. Living in a Nightmare

The next 2 weeks passed by in a flash and before I knew it, it was already nearing the middle of March. I've spent the last few days sorting out all my notes for future references and my free time bothering Mel. "You know, it's her sobriety birthday in 2 days." My head raised from the pillow that I was laying on and I turned to face Mel. I gave her the best confused look I could muster and frowned. "Who?" Mel rolled her eyes and threw her pen at me. Okay, what was that? "Don't act dumb. You know who I'm talking about." I stayed silent and continued sending Mel a lost look. She got up from her desk and came to her bed that I was laying on, pulled the pillow from under me and smacking me square in the face. "Your lady love, Miss Demi Lovato." I groaned and rolled over on my front, burying my face in the sheets. Ever since my finals ended early this week, I hadn't stop thinking about her and Mel knew it. "I thought I hid it well enough," my voice was muffled by the bed but I knew Mel heard me. I heard Mel scoff then felt the bed dip beside me. "Oh please. I can read you like a fucking book."

I turned back around and looked up at the white ceiling, trying to get my mind off of Demi. "You should go surprise her." I shot up and looked at Mel as if she had grown 3 heads. "You're insane. What do I say? Hi Demi, happy birthday. Okay, bye!" Mel smacked the back of my head and I glared at her while rubbing the now sore spot. "I know you like her, Al." Mel paused and sat up, placing her hand on my shoulder. Her face looked serious and she gave me a sad smile. "I know you're scared of falling in love again but you can't keep holding on to the past. You're still so young and you have to move on eventually. It's been 5 years since it happened and Demi is honestly such a good person. Who else would you rather move on with? I mean, I'm pretty damn sure I don't have to remind you but it didn't quite work out with Jessica, did it?" I sighed and flopped back onto the bed, rubbing my temples to ward off the impending headache I could already feel coming.

My heart clenched when I thought of Jessica. It wasn't fair to her. I shut off love ever since I was 18 but when Jessica came into the picture, she was so persistent and sweet. I caved and agreed on one date with her and we got along really well. We just clicked but I knew that I could only love her as a friend. The year that we were together, I was never fully committed and could never say 'I love you' and mean it the way she did. With another sigh, I sat back up and looked at Mel with determination. "You're right. Demi is as good as anyone can get and I really do like her." Mel beamed with pride and the excitement shone in her eyes. "I'll go look up flights for you. Go pack." She bounded back to her desk happily, completely ignoring the homework that she was previously doing.

2 days later

I stood nervously in the middle of La Guardia airport, doubting my decision to get here to confess my feelings for Demi on this day while waiting for Max. "Alex! It's good to see you." I heard the familiar Australian accent and smiled when I saw him standing right in front of me. "Hey Max. Sorry if I didn't see you earlier. I was zoned out." He took my bags and started leading me out of the airport, avoiding the paps that were camping out in hopes that some celebrity was going to walk through. "Are you okay?" I looked over and saw how concerned he looked. I nodded and took a deep breath, "I'm just nervous. I know how seriously she takes her tours and I'm not sure if she'll be okay with me showing up like that." Max sent me a reassuring smile. "She loves it when people come visit so you're all good. Now come on, she's in rehearsals right now and we have to be quick to sneak you around."

We arrived at Barclays Center way too soon and I could feel the nerves eating me up. "Are you sure you're okay, kid? You seem really jumpy and you looked like you're about to be sick." I just forced a smile on my face and nodded. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the concern but I really want Demi to be the first person to know that I was here to confess my feelings for her. So I bit my tongue and scrunched my face up. "I have to pee." I sent him a sheepish smile and he picked up his pace to the entrance. He checked that the coast was clear and ushered me to the bathroom, taking the flowers that I had gotten from Demi out of my hands. When I got in, I locked the door behind me and splashed my face with water, taking deep calming breaths. You can do this, Alex. I looked at myself in the mirror and held my own gaze, watching the fear in my eyes swim around like sharks. The knock on the door made me jump and I heard Max's voice. "Alex, are you almost done? Meet and greets are almost over and we have to get you to her dressing room before she gets there." I took a deep breath and exhaled, too shakily for my liking. Here we go.

My legs wouldn't stop bouncing when I sat down on the couch that was in her dressing room. Max had left me here so that he could go escort Demi. "It was hard enough to explain why I couldn't be there for the meet and greet. I said that I had to call home and also arrange some stuff for her. She didn't totally buy it but she left it alone. I think she thinks I went to hook up with somebody," he said. I got up and started pacing around the room. I left the flowers that I got for her in the bathroom in case my cranked-up ass started plucking at the petals. I was way too restless and my heartrate felt like it was going a million miles a minute. Then door swung open and I snapped my head to look over, frowning when I saw that it wasn't Demi. "Who are you?" The guy gave me a once over as he looked at me confused. "I'm Demi's friend, Alex. And you are?" He closed the door behind him and plopped himself on the couch. "I'm Demi's... friend, too." I frowned when I heard the hesitation before the word 'friend' but brushed it off.

He was scrolling through his phone and I had now taken place in the glam chair right in front of the ever so bright mirror. The nerves were eating me alive but I had clenched the muscles in my legs so that it wouldn't start bouncing but I felt myself about to lose the will to stay the fuck calm. "I'm going to the bathroom." His gaze found mine and he frowned. Okay so maybe I didn't have to tell you that but it's not like I'm suggesting for you to join me, idiot. I felt myself blush in embarrassment and decided against trying to explain myself and just walked in. I sat on the counter that was there and thought back to when Demi said goodbye in San Diego. The smile fought its way to my face effortlessly when I remembered how close we were to kissing. She likes me, too. I didn't have a reason to be nervous.

I repeated that in my head like a mantra for 10 times before freshening up. I looked over at the flowers that I had gotten for her sitting on the other side of the counter and plastered a wide smile on my face. I can do this. I heard the door to the room swing open and grabbed the flowers immediately, turning around to walk out there to surprise the woman I was sure I had fallen in love with. I heard her squeal and smiled to myself, thinking that she saw my purse sitting on the table by the couch and knew that I was here but when I opened the door, my heart dropped and broke into a million pieces.

There she was, the woman I've fallen in love with, in the arms of the guy that came in after I did, sharing long slow kiss.