The Alpha Rogue

Chapter 25

Getting ready for my first date with my mum's help is something I never thought I'd do. I'm really glad she's here though. Without her, I'd probably be freaking out way more. I'd also be alone with only Olivia to help me and, as much as I love her, she really doesn't know what she's doing. She wanted me to wear a ball gown from my mum's closet. Though, I don't know if my mum's choice is much better.

She wanted me to wear a tiny black dress that was way too revealing for me. I don't care if some else wears it. I mean if it makes you feel confident, then wear it. Show off your body if you want. But it's not my style. I like wearing suits because I look hot and they give me confidence. The opposite of how I feel like in a dress. I'm always too worried about the dress showing too much. I feel very self-conscious.

It also doesn't help that you can see my scars. I've gotten past thinking they make me look weak. In fact, most of them make me look pretty badarse. But there are a few words carved in my back which I don't want anyone to see. Especially Olivia. I know the words aren't true but I still want to hide them. I can't help it.

However, I don't think a suit or a dress is the best option for this date. Alpha Zaine and I may not talk about personal things a lot but both of us are very observant. He knows more about me than I like to admit. I wouldn't want to go somewhere fancy. He knew it. At least, I think he does. The best thing to do was to wear something comfortable but as cute. A sweater and jeggings seemed to work best.

My mum agreed with my choice and decided to help me with my hair and makeup. She kept everything more natural which wasn't like my usual makeup. Though I don't contour my face, I do prefer to have a more dramatic eye and lip. However, my mum really did an amazing job. I was glad she could help me.

She and Olivia made me feel less nervous about this whole first date thing. They assured me that there was nothing to worry about. Both think Alpha Zaine has a big crush on me. I had to kindly disagree. He's never seemed to be the least bit interested in me. Not from what I could tell. If he actually does have a crush on me, he has a really shitty way of showing it.

Though I have to admit, I have a crush on Alpha Zaine. I've tried to ignore it because I know I shouldn't like him. He's hurt me. I can't forgive him. Not yet. I know I don't deserve to be treated how he treated. Even if I had willing slept with other men. Nonetheless, he is my mate. I feel a pull to him.

But it's not just the bond. I've seen how passionate he is when it comes to certain things. I've seen how hard he's trained to take over for his father. I've also seen how he acts around people he cares about. He lets his guard down and reveals his actual personality. One day, I hope to be one of the people he could let his guard down around. I also hope I can eventually let my guard down around him.

However, I don't want to get my hopes up with silly fantasies. I was going to change things. We were going to fix our relationship so we don't fight all the time. But that doesn't mean our relationship will be romantic. We just have to be civil with each other. I just find it hard to believe he would want to date me. I don't know what about me is attractive to him. Though he did ask me out on a date. But I'm guessing it's either because of his parents or the bond.

I couldn't let myself overthink things. Not right now. I won't ruin this date with me overthinking things. This is my first date- the one first I could save for my mate- and I will enjoy it.

When I was finally ready, I made my way to the living to meet Alpha Zaine. Thankfully he was wearing casual clothes like me so I didn't feel underdressed. I'm not used to seeing him so casual but I can only hope he dresses down more. Sure, he does look hot in suits. But he just makes casual clothes look sexy as hell.

"Hey," he smiled. "You look gorgeous."

I blushed at his comment. I really wanted to scold myself but I didn't. I promised myself I would enjoy this date. I can't let my insecurities get in the way of my happiness. I'm going to live in this fantasy world for today. "Thanks. You look good too," I told him. I was going to suggest we get going until I saw Matthew.