The Only Girl In The World

_Chapter One_

Edited

~Kaylee

What is death? What really happens after you die? Is there really an afterlife? Or you just cease to exist as a whole.

These unanswered questions are the reasons why most people fear death. The fear of the unknown.

I have always wondered why a person would ever crave death so much, it overcomes that fear. I never knew until I was the one that craved it.

I stood before the mirror, my fist clenched as I took shallow breaths in and out. The girl at the other side of the mirror gazed back at me, her dark brown eyes ringed with dark bags underneath them, devoid of life. Emotions lay hidden and trapped beneath the surface.

Clearly, she had lost weight recently, you could tell by the way her collarbone jutted out. Her frame fragile and small, you would hardly believe she was seventeen. Her once light brown skin losing its glow and getting paler by the day.

I resisted the urge to smash the mirror with my fist and just tightened them the more by my side.

“Fuck that’s me” I mumbled to myself as I felt bile rise up in my throat. “Why me? Why does life have to be so unfair?”

I blinked the tears threatening to fall willing myself not to cry. I already looked like a mess, I wasn’t about to get red and swollen eyes from crying.

“Why can’t things go the way I wanted for once?” I asked to no one in particular.

Why me?

Cancer, why me!?

In fact why did my life have to be so miserable?

Why couldn’t things go the way I wanted for once?

I had the perfect life.

Even if I didn’t have everything in the world, I had an amazing family and friends who loved me and that was enough for me.

It was all perfect, till my 14th birthday. That’s when life took a turn and everything started to go downhill. One thing after the other, it was like I was cursed.

From my dad’s death, to my cancer, to my mom’s death, to losing my friends and the pain of being truly alone. When does it really ever end?

Each day, I was slowly losing myself...I wanted to stay strong, I wanted to honour my mom’s last wish but I couldn’t find the strength in me anymore.

I am 17 now and my cancer became even more aggressive. It had spread to the lung, lymph nodes and now going to the middle of my chest. Every single day of my life, I go through intense pain enough to leave you bawling on the floor. I was being forced to take drugs that didn't do shit for me. Being lied to, that I was going to be ok.

They said I was strong though, my body was fighting the cancer. It’s not every day you'll see a stage four cancer patient living a normal life.... well slightly normal life.

But no matter what they said, even I knew that it was getting obvious.

Even If I hadn't heard it, I felt it.

Every day, I was getting worse.

Every day, it was getting hard for me to breathe.

Every day, it was a problem to get out of my bed.

I could feel something slipping out of me every day.

It was my hope of ever surviving and that was the stamina and energy slipping out too.

Everyday death seemed to be calling my name.

And I was beginning to think.

Maybe death wasn't so bad....

Maybe death was a beginning of another journey…

Maybe death would set me free…

Maybe I could meet my parents...

"Kaylee are you ok?" I heard my uncle, Rick, ask from behind me interrupting my thoughts.

Taking a deep breath, I turned around to face him and plastered a fake smile on my face.

Something I had become so good at.

“I'm good" I said in a small voice.

No, I'm not!

I moved in with my uncle, it’s not like I had much of a choice as he was my mom’s brother and only living relative.

My mom’s only relative who wasn’t there for her when she needed him most. Because of that, I and my uncle weren’t exactly close. I was mad at him for abandoning my mom and even if he took me in, he wasn’t going to get to me easily.

It didn’t help either that my mom and Uncle were really identical, sometimes it hurt to look into his dark brown orbs and the same messy hazel brown hair gene they seemed to share. When he smiled, he smiled just like she used to.

"Are you sure you want to go back to school...I mean you-"

"I'll be fine, it's my last year" I said cutting him short. "I want to at least...try and graduate high school."

He gave me a sad smile. "You will".

You're allowed to dream but dreams don't always come true, right?

"Well when you're ready, breakfast's downstairs” he said.

I nodded before he turned and left.

I did a bit of light makeup so I could look normal and not like a sick dying person. Which coincidentally I was ha-ha.

I pulled my braids up in a ponytail. I lost my hair to chemotherapy twice and it’s never grown back to the same healthy curly light brown bouncy hair I once had. That’s why I always had braids on.

I was already dressed so I picked up my bag, slipped on my hoodie and went downstairs for breakfast. After breakfast, I stared down at the heaps of drug on the table in front of me.

They didn't work, I never understood why I had to take them. I did it for my mom though, she had hope but I didn't. She made me promise before she died and I wasn’t about to break them now.

They were just chemicals they were pumping into my system but she believed it would work for me. What I really wanted to do was toss them into the trash every day.

Sighing I forced myself to take them.

"It’s going to help you, I promise" I heard my mom’s voice echo in my head.

And promises aren't always meant to be kept.

Clearing the table and washing my plates in the sink, I picked up my car keys making my way outside. My car wasn't anything fancy, barely working actually. It was ok though, sure it made a lot of noise and stopped occasionally, it was my mom’s.

It made me feel a little closer to her if that even made any sense. Probably if I were normal girl in a normal life, I would be saving up to buy a new car with a job.

But I’m not.

My uncle was rich though, but he never showed up to help my mom so I made sure never to take a penny of his.

Starting the car, I reversed and drove off to my school.

Last year of high school, here we go.

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Thanks for reading,
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~Harmony