The Only Girl In The World

Chapter Twenty-Two

~Kaylee

Coughing slightly, I winced as a sharp pain coursed through my chest. Letting out a sigh, I rolled over on the hospital bed and looked at the door where Rick was talking outside with a doctor.

It’s been a week and I still wasn’t better. It felt like it was getting worse every day, it’s getting harder to bear the pain. My chest always felt tight, it felt like it took extra energy to take in breaths and each breaths I took made my lungs feel like they were on fire. All I could do was sleep at this point, it seemed like even opening my eyes was a load of work.

Eventually, they finished talking and came in.

“You’re going to be fine just try not stress yourself too much and don’t skip your drugs next time." the doctor smiled at me, lying directly to my face!

God I’m sick of this! I’m tired of the lies, I didn’t need anything to be sugar coated like I was a child.

 “I’m tired of hearing that over and overall. I know I’m not fine!” I snapped. “Why do you guys keep telling me I’m fine when every single day of my life, I’m in pain. I just turned eighteen, I think I’m old enough not to be lied to.”

The doctor seemed a bit taken aback while my uncle just let out a sigh from behind.

I calmed down and spoke in a lower voice. “Tell me what’s really going on….please?”

The doctor looked at my uncle as if to ask for permission and he nodded.

“Well…at this point, your cancer has spread so much that there really isn’t much hope left.” the doctor started.

“Not much of a surprise... or new information at that.” I mumbled unimpressed.

Ignoring me, he continued. “Your drugs aren’t doing much for you at this point…I mean it’s the reason you’re still here but...well…you’re lungs are slowly deteriorating and probably sometime next year, you’ll have to be placed on hospice care. For now, we’re going to the best we can do.”

“So I’m really going to die? There’s no saving me?” I couldn’t help asking, I was preparing myself for an answer I already knew.

He didn’t say anything as he looked away and that was enough answer for me.

I already knew this or at least I knew at one point I would die, so why did I feel a dull ache in my heart? Why did I feel tears stinging in my eyes? Why did I feel my heart feel like it just dropped and shattered into a million pieces?

“How much time left?” I asked, my voice a little shaky but I refused to let any more emotions show.

“It’s too early to give an exact time. Maybe a year…half a year…but that doesn’t matter. Just enjoy whatever time you have left.” He said, his eyes resting on me once again with pity. “I promise you, we will try everything we can to the end, if it doesn’t work, you just have to enjoy your last days.”

I nodded and just spaced out while the doctor turned to talk to Rick. I couldn’t be bothered to listen to what they were saying. The drive back home was silence and only one thought circled through my mind.

This was it. I really was going to die, I really couldn’t be saved.

“Are you Ok?” Rick asked pulling me from my thoughts.

I wanted to give him a smile and tell him I was OK but I couldn’t. I could fake a smile and lie easily any day so why couldn’t I do it now?

I couldn’t fake it. I couldn’t say now and cry out the pain inside. I just felt numb.