The Only Girl In The World

Chapter Twenty-Six

~Kaylee

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Becca asked as she watched me unsure as I smiled at her from my bed across where she sat on my chair.

“Perfectly fine.” I lied even though it’s been three days and my heart still felt like it was ripped out of my chest, torn into two and thrown on the road for a truck to run over it.

Three whole days and after a few crying shower sessions, binge watching sad movies with chocolate ice-cream and surfing the Internet on how to curse someone with black magic, I was slowly accepting the reality. Or at least I was trying.

And I wasn’t joking about the last part, if things worked Melissa is about to receive the shock of her life.

“I mean it’s OK to cry…nothing to be ashamed of.” Becca said still not convinced.

I wasn’t even sure if I could cry even if I wanted to, I was convinced I had ran out of tears.

“Nope, all good.” I smiled widely and she rose her eyebrows at me.

I let out a sigh as the smile drained from my face. Taking a pillow, I pulled it against me resting my head on it.

“It hurts like hell, I won’t lie, but I had some time to think over it. I really can’t be mad at him.” I said honestly. “Before him, I lived with so much pain, regrets and hatred. For not just me but everyone else around. When I met him….he was different from everyone else. Even when I gave him, such a hard time, he stuck by me.

 My life was so monotonous. The drugs, the hospitals, the pain, the therapies…the loneliness. When he came, I craved that little change he brought in my life. Maybe I was selfish…I wanted more but even at that, I only ever thought about myself. He kept pulling me in even when I kept pushing him away, even when I was such a jerk, even when I kept lying to him.

At first I lied because I didn’t want him knowing in my business but then I continued lying because I didn’t want to lose him. Now I want to tell him the truth because I want to lose him so I don’t hurt him.”

I let out a dry humorless laugh. “God I sound crazy right now.”

Standing up from her chair, Becca came to sit down next to me on the bed pulling me closer to her so I could lean on her.

“Have you ever…well you probably haven’t but…” I paused. “Have you ever been afraid of dying not because you’re scared to but because you don’t want to hurt the person you love?”

A tear drop escaped from my eye as it rolled down my cheek. Love. I seemed to be saying that word a lot now. A word that hadn’t left my mouth in a long time was now something I was casually saying.

“Before him, I was trapped in the dark hole that I had dug up for myself but after him…I could smile genuinely and see the world in a whole different way.”

 A few more tears escaped cascading down, a sad smile plastered on my face.

 “I finally understand why I wasn’t ready when the doctor confirmed the words I had been waiting for….I craved death but then I finally found a reason to live and I was going to leave that reason behind. But I can’t be selfish…any more than I already am.

Lord knows how broken I was when I lost the people I loved…I don’t want that for him. And even if he doesn’t love me now…I don’t want him to get there so I’ve been thinking, it’s probably best if we end this here.

Maybe if I live long enough to graduate, we’ll go our separate way and he’ll never know. And I’ll be happy knowing that he would be OK, with someone who deserves him.”

“Even if it’s…M-Melissa.” I said trying not to choke on her name with disgust. “If she makes him happy, then I’m…fine with it.”

“Has he tried to talk to you at school?” Becca asked and I nodded.

“Yeah but I’ve been avoiding him. I just can’t face him now…” I sighed. “I mean ignoring him till graduation isn’t a bad idea…”

“You may not agree with me on this but if you guys are going to end things, you should tell him everything. Get everything off your chest.”

“I don’t need to anymore. If I do ever have courage to talk to him, I’m finalizing things. If I tell him, then what? Pity? Is he going to come back just because he feels sad for me?” I stated. “We’re done and there’s no need for that.”

“You do you Kaylee, I’ll support you on whatever decision you make.” she gave up. Throwing her arms around me, she pulled me in a warm hug.

“You know hearing you talk about this, I feel really dumb and stupid. I was such a horrible friend.” I heard her say and I pulled from the hug so I could look at her.

I shook my head. “You’re here now, at least I don’t have to deal with this alone.”  

“Till the end?” She stretched out her pinky finger.

I smiled as I linked mine with her like we did when we were kids.

“Till the end.”

I was packing my book into my locker when I heard the locker next to me open. I already knew it was Christian. I smiled as bit as I remembered this was the first place we met when I ignored him.

Shutting my locker, I turned around to leave when he called my name.

“Yeah?” I answered stopping in my tracks but I didn’t look back at him.

“You can’t even look at me now?” He asked and I felt my heart squeeze.

“I’m going to be late for class.” I said and continued walking.

That is until Christian started walking by me making me stop again and turn to look up at him.

“What exactly do you want?” I asked him.

He stared at me, a guilty and sad look shining through his eyes but I didn’t let it get to me.

“You’ve been avoiding me…”

“Oh, I’ve just been trying to catch up with what I missed.” I shrugged.

He didn’t say anything for a while as if he was thinking of what to say. “Kaylee…I’m sorry.”

“If it’s about what happened, I’m not mad anymore.” I looked away.

“Then look at me” He pleaded but my eyes remained fixed to the walls.

I was afraid I would start crying again if I looked longer into his eyes and I could see almost everyone in the hallway secretly trying to watch and eavesdrop on us.

“Kaylee…let me explain-”

“Look can we not do this here” my eyes snapped up to him, my cheeks burning up from the attention we were receiving. “Or in fact anywhere else. If you want to explain then tell me what’s really going on between you and her.”

He didn’t say anything and then he looked away like I did.

 “If you can’t tell me, then what’s there to explain? Let’s just end this here.” I gave him a small smile, my eyes glassy from the tears I was trying so much to hold. “Thank you for everything.”

And I left. He let me walk away this time not trying to draw me back. I did it. It’s over.

And I meant it when I told him Thank you. Even if we weren’t together anymore, I can still be a better person. Even if it’s to the little people I care about in my life.

He brought me out of my shell, I could do the rest alone.

So thank you.
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