Puzzle of My Heart (Westlife Fan Fiction) Completed

Chapter 30 - One more

Layla and I had decided to go out clubbing that Monday night. She would bring Rebecca and Megan, two other girls in our class. This night was supposed to get me on other thoughts. Nothing Rebecca and Megan were aware of though. But I wasn't very hyped on it.

I went home to dress up. I would text Layla when I was ready to meet her outside the club.

I searched for an acceptable outfit in my wardrobe. After some frustrated digging in a pile of clothes, I finally reached for a purple top. But something dark blue on the floor caught my eyes. It was a jumper. Bryan's jumper.

And that was it. I couldn't pretend anymore. My emotion flushed over me in one second and I was on the floor crying in his jumper.

I never gave him a fair chance. I had been so damn stupid and such a coward! I had been so disappointed on Bryan's acting. I felt let down when he'd concealed the fact that he was part in a famous boy band. I wanted to feel control for once. So I dumped him. That's so damn stupid! I thought his lie had made my feelings for him fade away. And maybe they did for a while, but dumping him made me realise how much he means to me.

And now I didn't have the courage to take him back and beg for his forgiveness. A weak and tragic person, that's me. A person who broke up with someone just to get the feeling of being the one in charge. To be the one who made a decision, who had the power to decide. A person who was scared to feel betrayed again.

In that moment I hated myself. I didn't deserve Bryan. He had made one mistake, and I didn't even let him tell me the reason, give me an explanation. I had been an idiot. And I couldn't see any reason for Bryan to take me back. I hadn't given him a chance. Why would he treat me differently?

My phone vibrated on the floor beside me. I released my face from a wet jumper and answered with a sob.

"Hello?" Layla's voice spoke.

"Yeah..." I replied and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Honey are you okey?"

"I'm ok."

"You're sure? I can hear you're crying."

I considered to explain and tell her. But in the next second I wanted to punish myself. I didn't deserve any pity from anyone. I had been so stupid, I deserved to feel how I felt. Instead I wanted to do something impulsive. Something I probably would regret.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes." I said and hung up. I put on the top, threw on my jeans jacket and went out.

••••••••••••••••••

I did not even enjoy clubbing. Being around foreign people just made me insecure, and sweaty. But this time I had a plan.

"Here she comes!" Layla met me with a hug. And the other two, Megan and Rebecca followed her example.

We all bought a drink each after we'd entered the club which air was hot as the steam from boiling water. My three companions approached the dance floor, but I interrupted to inform them.

"I'll stay here, in the bar."

Layla looked disappointed. Se lowed her voice when she spoke. "Are you sure? I don't want you to just sit here and grieve. I want to have fun with you."

"Sorry, I don't feel like dancing at the moment. I'll have more fun from here." I said trying to sound convincing.

"Ok if that's how you feel..." She said clearly disappointed, and walked away with Megan and Rebecca.

I drank my drink. It didn't even taste good. Alcohol is overestimated. But it can be useful under some circumstance. I ordered one more and drank it at once. Then one more. I drank drink after drink, after drink.