One Night Mistake

VIII

It's been a week since na kinaladkad ako ni Grayen na yun sa Hospital. Takot atang mabuntis ako HAHAHA.

Napagdesisyunan ko ngayong magpageneral check-up para may maipakita pag hiningian ako ng pinagapplyan ko. Incase lang naman.

May mga tumawag na kasi sa akin para sa interview, and kailangan masigurado ko munang wala akong sakit bago magsimula.

I went inside the hospital at hinanap si Doc. Leah Gomez, my ninang and our family Doctor.

Binuksan ko ang pintuan ng office niya at nakitang nagsusulat siya. Napatingin naman siya sa akin kaya nginitian ko agad siya.

Tumayo siya at lumapit sa akin. Hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi at iginaya ako sa upuan.

"Hi iha, bakit ka napabisita?" Ngiting wika nito.

"Magpapageneral check-up po ako ninang para sa work." ngiti kong sambit.

"Ahh I see, so you will handle the your company now?"

"Ah no ninang, I'm going to work to other company for a while so that atleast I have experience."

"Hmm, that's fine too. You're matured na iha, I'm happy to see that." Tumango lang ako bilang pagtugon sa sinabi niya.

Iginaya niya muli ako sa isang kwarto at doon chineck ang aking height, weight, blood pressure, cholesterol level, blood sugar test, throat, ear, eye ko.

Pumunta pa kami sa ibang room para gawin pa ang ibang test. Nang matapos ang lahat, sinabihan ako na bukas ko din makukuha ang result.

Nagpaalam na ako at umalis. Dumaan muna ako sa company uli at nagobserve sa mga employee. Mukha namang maayos sila at ginagawa ng mabuti ang trabaho.

Matapos magobserve, I decided to go to the bayside to calm my nerves. I've stress this past few weeks dahil sa mga lalaki na yun. Nakakaloka kaya, sobramg gulo at hindi ko na maintindihan.

I still have feelings towards Gab and it's not easy to unlove him. I tried not to think about my feelings to him pero parang mas lalo akong nasasaktan.

And that day na pinrotektahan ng babae, sobrang nasaktan ako. Kasi ako dapat yung nasa lugar niya, ako dapat yung babaeng nasa tabi niya, ako dapat yung babaeng magpapaligaya sa kanya, dapat ako yung babaeng minamahal niya, but not anymore.

He changed, alam kong minahal niya din ako sa loob ng 2 taon. Hays, bakit ba ganito. Bakit ba kapag magmamahal ako, kailangang masaktan? Bakit laging may katumbas na sakit kapag nagmahal? I really don't understand.

Love should have no disappointment, impatience, irritation, anger, or pain. Love should be all about happiness and everything but I guess, I'm being delusional. Fantacizing love as a perfect and unconditional.

Wala na talaga sigurong totoong pag-ibig. Pagmamahal na nga lang ang meron, mababaw at kayang magbago pa. Hays, nakakalungkot talaga.

"Miss, here." Nagulat ako ng may magsalita. Napatingin ako sa harapan ng makitang may inilahad na panyo ito sa harap ko.

Hinawakan ko ang pisngi ng mapansin na basa ito, nahihiya ko itong tinanggap at ipinunas sa mga luha ko. Hindi ko na naman napansin na lumuluha na pala ako.

Umupo ang lalaki sa tabi ko. Nanatili lang akong tahimik at pinupunasan ang luha ko.

"Silence is a protective coating over pain." Tinignan ko siya ng marinig na magsalita. Nakangiti itong nakatingin sa baybayin.

"I guess so." Napangiti ako ng mapait.

"May I know what's the reason behind crying of a beautiful lady beside the bay?" Sumulyap ito sa akin at muling tumingin sa baybayin.

"They tell me think with my head not that thing in my chest. I believed in myself all the time that love is all how you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices I might face but I guess I'm wrong. I believe in my own thoughts that I could change him, I didn't even believe in my friends at first but yeah, I risk my love for him."

"Hmm, you are you after all. Your emotions are slaves to your thoughts and you are the slave to your emotions that why you felt a lot of pain. But doesn't mean you are wrong, you just let your emotion go with the flow that's why you love him even he is not the one. You made yourself believe in fantasies that's why you are very dissapointed to the result."

"Yeah, I see. I made a mistake of loving him. I know it's all wrong from the start for loving a person who just know how to play. I thought that I can made him change for a better person, but I guess I'm just a delusional."

Gosh, ansakit nun ahh. Tamang tama talaga sa puso ko.

"You don't make mistakes, mistakes make you. Atleast these mistakes make you smarter. They will make you stronger, and they will make you more self-reliant."

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. Tama naman talaga, I felt more stronger but I'm still not ready. I'm still not ready to let him go, sobrang sakit.

"I just don't understand, why? Bakit mahal ko pa din siya kahit sobrang sakit? Bakit patuloy ko pa din siya minamahal kahit sobrang nasasaktan na ako? Pagod na ako pero bakit ganito ang nataramdaman ko? Of all the people, I trusted him." That's it, sobrang nakakapagod. I don't want this anymore but how can I let go this feelings?

"Sometimes we have thoughts that we don't understand. Thoughts that aren't even true- that aren't really how you feel- but they're running through our heads anyway because they are used to it. Nasanay ka kasi sa mga bagay na hindi naman dapat. You let yourself fall and end up getting hurt."

"Yeah I guess so. If I only could go back just for a night to the past, so that I could change it and I'll make it alright."

Fuck this feelings, I wish I never known him. I wish hindi na lang siya. Nagpakatanga ako sa maling tao.

"Never forget what and who you are before you met him, for surely the world will not. Instead, make it your strength so that it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it because the world will never be used to hurt you."

I smiled as he said those world. I need to be strong because the world will never used to hurt me. Yeah, I already know now. I'm happy na nakausap ko siya ngayon. Gumaan ang pakiramdam ko.

"Thank you, I appreciate everything you said." I smiled in front of him. Naglahad ako ng kamay sa kanya.

"Leanne Zaira" ngumiti din siya sa akin at kinamayan ako.

"Andrew Maux Dawson." I smiled as our closed elopped.

"You're a man of words. Thank you talaga. Napagaan mo ang pakiramdam ko."

"Nahh, no need to thank me. Basta when you need advices just call me or talk to me." Naglabas siya ng calling card at ibinigay sa akin.

"Are you flirting now with me?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at tinawanan.

"Maybe? HAHAHA"

"Hey, I'm just joking HAHAHA." Napatingin ako sa relo ng mapansing madilim na.

It's already 7 at napahaba ang pag-uusap namin. Tumayo na ako at muling humarap sa kanya.

"I guess I need to go home now, it's already late."

"Ihatid na kita? Gabi na din kasi?"

"No need I have my car with me. I would want to see you soon again." Kaway ko sa kanya bago umalis.

"Yeah me too." Sigaw niya at kumaway din akin. Napatingin ako sa isang madilim na parte nang maramdamang may nakatingin sa akin mula doon.

Pinanliitan ko ang mata para makitang mabuti at mapansing may lumabas na pusa mula roon. Nagkibit balikat na lang ako at pumunta na sa sasakyan.