LOVE MEEE!! - (Abandoned)

Being Alone

C. Ian

Wow.

I guess they really are together. I can't believe it.

The first time I saw them kiss, I didn't even give it a second thought, but the when they danced together at the party, it bugged me.

Maybe Misha's dancing pissed me off.

That's probably it, right?

The way his hips swung. His ass bouncing around as he moved. The ribbon on his soft hair. The bu-

No. Bad Ian.

You are 100% gay~ shit!

Straight. I am straight.

But why does it hurt when I see him with Felix?

Why do I want to beat the shit out of Felix so he'd stay away from my Misha.

NO!

Not "my" Misha!

Damn it, what's wrong with me?!

"Umm, Ian?" I totally forgot that Claire was with me.

"Ye~'Sup, gurl?" Gurl? What the hell's wrong with me?

I could be gay, but I'm not some fangirl. I still have my dignity.

"Okay, that was officially the gayest thing you've ever said. Anyway, you look like you're about to castrate someone."

Castrate, huh? I look at Felix up and down. Hm. Maybe.

"Don't tell me you're actually considering it?" She laughed with a little snort, she's making fun of me.

So what if I want to kill Felix every time he so much as got close to Misha?

I just heard myself.

Am I going crazy?

"You do know that you did just say that out loud." Oh god, was she being serious?

"I think something's wrong with me."

"Nah, I think you just got the hots for a certain new student." She was doing the with her eyebrows again, and she had that suggestive smile on her.

I gulped, "What are you talking about, Claire?"

"Don't try and deny it, Ian, you like him!" Crap.

"Stop joking around, Claire. You know that I'm straight." I avert my eyes from her piercing gaze.

There's no way I could be attracted to guys, impossible. I'm a hundred percent straight.

"Well why don't we test that then?"

Test?

"I'm coming to your house later, then we'll see if you really are 'straight'."

She pecked me on the cheek and disappeared into the cafeteria, leaving me dumbfounded and confused.

What did she mean by that?

~~~

I sat nervously on my my couch as I waited for Claire.

My parents aren't home, they never are. I learned to fend for myself when I was young.

At first they'd be gone for a few days, maybe a week. But when I turned 7 they disappeared from my life.

Not completely disappear though. They still pay for my tuition fees and send me allowance every month, about 5 grande for all of my food needs and clothes.

I've been living in an apartment under their name since I was 12, so naturally I had to learn to do everything myself.

I taught myself how to cook, burned my self at least 10 times before I got used to it, mind you I was 9.

I learned to do laundry, and broke the washing machine and fixed it on my own.

(I  once wore all pink to school when I was 9)

I became self-sufficient.

But if there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at it's fashion sense.

That's why I wear the same thing most of the time, not really the same thing— just the same colours and brands.

The only pop of colour in my closet is a lingerie an ex of mine left. It was red, made with silk, and adorned with frills.

And it was flat chested. Claire tried wearing it once but she said it felt like someone was squeezing her breasts like a lemon.

Which sounds sexy if you haven't seen it yourself, but it's actually just pure suffering.

Ann, that was her name, never talked to her again after we broke up, I think she was Chris's best friend and she left town a year ago.

I don't even know why I dated her, I don't even know why I dated Claire.

She asked me out and I didn't want to  hurt her feelings so I said yes.

Don't get me wrong, she's an amazing person and all, but I just didn't feel anything for her.

We went out on several days, had sex a bunch of times, almost had the scare of my life after we didn't use a condom, but I still didn't feel anything for her.

I guess I just didn't want to be alone. Sure I have friends, there's Luke and Jade, and the others that I hang out with.

I mean yeah I'm not really close with any of them, but they're still there.

As for Misha, I don't really know what to think of him, he came unto me the second he saw me and I guess he sounded kind of adorable.

And Claire.. she's like a sister to me, I probably realised that just today, the way we talk to each other, the way we never really acted like lovers, we were most likely confused.

Anyway, I've been waiting for Claire, and she hasn't shown up yet, I'm beginning to think that she's not gonna come, after all why would you want to hang out with a guy you just broke up with?

Ding, Dong!

I'm gonna shut up now, I got up to answer the door, sighing to myself as I turned the knob.

And what I saw made me want to close the door and hide my face in embarrassment.

"H-Hi..?"