Sanders Sides One Shots(HIATUS)

Rain(No ship)

Sorry I haven't posted in a week! I'm super excited for the new episode and SCREEEEEE-

Side note: It's raining super hard(and I mean super hard) today so that's nice and foreboding

Also happy anniversary to Lee and Mary Lee!

ok these descriptions took wayyyyyy too long to write

TW: Depressed/Suicidal Deceit(I'm a sucker for Deceit angst so bear with me, there will hopefully be a part 2)

Deceit loved the rain.

He didn't really know why he was attracted to this sort of weather, the dreary drizzle of water that occasionally fell from a cloud-covered sky. Maybe it was because his head was a confusing place, some days a twisting, confusing maze of lies and truths and other days just annoyingly stubborn and full of the insistent need to fabricate a falsehood, and the constant pitter-patter of droplets pinging against his wall helped calm him down. Maybe it was because he was a villain and the dark dinginess of the foggy, muddy weather fit with his aesthetic. Maybe it was because he was so far away from the insistent brightness of the light sides, just a cloud blocking the sun, clouding everyone's eyes and minds and hearts until nobody could think straight.

Maybe it was just because he was part snake, and snakes had a natural instinct to come out during the rain and look for prey, weak and slowed by the mud and water dripping from the sky.

Whatever the reason, he snuck into the imagination(quite easy, by the way. Remus never watched his door) and bent it to his will, forcing the sky to leak like squeezing a wet sponge. Dark, ominous clouds gathered before his very eyes.

A few moments later, Deceit sat under a tree that was almost enough to keep him from getting wet and watched the rain fall.

A few droplets splashed lightly on his chest and face, spattering infinitesimal pricks of cool water on his cheeks. Deceit smiled and let himself get wet. He figured it would take at least thirty minutes for the rain to soak through his clothes, and he could move to a drier place if he needed to. At the moment, he was content with just letting his eyes scope out the landscape in front of him.

He had picked a tree atop a good-sized hill, a quercus ilex, if he recalled correctly. It looked to anybody to be just a normal oak tree. And it was. But that was what made it special. See, every living thing had something distinctly beautiful about it, and this tree was no exception. It had a thick trunk and sturdy branches reaching towards the sky like outstretched hands extending to touch the clouds. Deep green leaves hung from its boughs, laden and plentiful. They drooped slightly in the rain and blew in the suddenly ferocious winds, but never gave up, clinging tightly to the tree from which they had come. Yes, this tree was a fighter, and it would do whatever it took to reach the sky and touch the clouds and see what it couldn't see before.

Deceit let his mind wander, the ridges of the tree's bark digging slightly into his back. You would think that he would be bored, but he could be left alone to his thoughts for quite a while and remain slightly entertained.

He just couldn't let his thoughts wander too far down the darker paths.

He shoved those unwanted thoughts away and focused on the hills below him. He was sitting on a substantially sized root, gnarly but not too uncomfortable. His feet rested on damp grass below him. Deceit's eyes traveled down the hill, to the long grasses and small boulders and streams, swollen from the rain constantly pattering at the ground. The hills in the distance were quite pretty, actually. About half a mile to his left, a small forest started, dotted with pine trees. Flowers, flattened by the wind, hid among the tall grass and smiled at Deceit from afar, a constant reminder that nothing was as it seemed on the outside. Lightning flashed on the horizon, just close enough to see but far to distant to hear. And then Deceit's eyes had nothing to settle on and he couldn't distract himself from the thoughts that had been nagging at his brain since he sat down. The constant reminders, mostly unintentional, that he was unwanted. Useless. Villainous. Evil. Immoral. The diamond scales that shone on his face, forever separating him from all other sides.

Deceit had never wanted to be the villain.

And yet, he was. He was lies, deception, two-faced, a snake. Everything he stood for went against good. Self-preservation was his entire purpose. And that was immoral. Therefore, he was immoral.

And he could never belong.

At first he thought he could fit in with the dark sides. But he realized that they were just as distant as everyone else. Orange never talked to anybody. He isolated himself in his room, shutting everyone out and himself in. Remus, however dark he was, was still half of a whole. Part of creativity. Brother of one of the light sides. Try as Thomas might, he could never deter him, and he would just keep returning. As soon as he was introduced into the series, his fate had been sealed. He would become a light side, or at least a neutral side. There was no way out of it.

And Virgil. Virgil, Virgil, Virgil.

Virgil was the only one who had kept Deceit going during his darkest times. Anxiety, a side as distant as Deceit himself, so deep in the dark that he was sure he would stay forever. Deceit and Virgil formed a bond. They comforted each other when they sunk too deep into their own minds, further and further away from their hosts.

But soon, that bond shattered like glass. Virgil rose up to join the light sides, and Deceit was alone.

It was for the best, he supposed. No one wanted to stay with him and talk to him. Socialize. Visit, even if it was only to say hello and make sure he hadn't faded into nonexistence. And Deceit was fine with that. If no one wanted him, why should he bother? He didn't want to burden anyone.

He told himself that he didn't need a family, or friends. All he needed was himself.

He had always excelled in lying, especially to himself.

(he didn't want to admit it, but he loved the light sides. Even Patton, who went against everything he stood for.)

Deceit didn't want to steal anyone's food, so he stopped eating. He didn't want to bother anyone with his feelings, so he bottled them up and kept them locked away. He didn't want to bore them with his endless chatter about philosophy and things that fascinated him, so he didn't talk to anyone. He didn't want a voice. He was just a villain, a hindrance after all.

And then he began to wonder. Do I make Thomas a bad person?

Am I needed? He supposed not. After all, Thomas never really lied anyway.

Am I wanted? That was a definite no. Nobody liked him. Even his own host had called him a 'Slimy Boi'. Everything about him went against the lights.

When you lo-care for someone, not much hurts more than their scorn.

What would happen if.... he didn't want to finish that thought.

The more you try to force out a thought, the more intrusive and/or repetitive said thought becomes.

He hid behind his lies. If you tore that away, he was nothing.

I thought that that was coping, only joking, never showing sadness, hoping it would go away...

What would happen if I ducked out? He shook the thought away as soon as it crossed his mind. But it wasn't that easy. What was the point of even going on, if he was scorned and unwanted and unnecessary anyway?

The point of life can't be just effort for effort's sake.

He doubted he had much effect on Thomas anyway. He did just fine without him. He had plenty of other sides that would help him preserve.

Thomas would be fine. Deceit just burdened him anyway. In fact, Thomas would be better off without him. Deceit was worthless. A snake. A liar. The darkest of the dark.

lie...

Deceit ignored the nagging voices in his head(BMC reference fully intended) and sunk out to his room.

He took a deep breath.

Suddenly his room seemed darker than ever before.

That morning, Thomas woke up, only to find that he couldn't lie.

hehe cliffhanger! Part 2 coming soon.