The Protector

XXXV

Together, we walk to the light as the radiance calls out to me, begging that I step through into an unknown land where uncertainty awaits. I can already feel the overwhelming sense of peace spilling out to greet and swarm my worn, tired soul. I know I'm going to be prosperous and serene over there, but something vital is missing. I should be excited for eternal serenity, I just can't get it to work for me.

We reach the border of darkness and light. One more step and I'll be in the place of perfection. It's as though I'm stepping into the ocean off of the hot summer sand - exciting, nerve wracking, tranquil. I'm about to spend forever with my family in a heavenly land, and this time we won't be torn apart.

Mum and Dad beam, encouraging me to take the first movement since I'm appearing scared and rigid. Forcing a grin in return, my stomach drops. I'm so wrong.

This isn't my family, only a tiny section of it. The rest of my family is mourning in a way that is tearing them apart from themselves and each other. My family is Luke, Jake and Lewis, my big brothers. If they aren't here, we're not complete. Even then, it isn't all of us, not truly. Caleb, Amy and Mia are by soul our family too. Alex, Justin, Beck, Michael, and Kelis, plus so many others. Friend's that I regard to be as close to family as nature allows.

Then to top it all off, there's Lizzy. She's my everything, and I simply cannot be without her. She's more than family, she's my better half which isn't even an exaggeration or saying. She's sweet, patient, loving, relaxed, someone I'm not deserving of but would lay my life down for as many times as needed. She's my future. She's the start of a new family, one that I've always dreamed of since I was a little girl. How can I fathom giving that up?

My family is out there, in tremendous pain because I'm starting to give up on trying to get back to them. My new family is dying, and I'm not putting the effort in to do anything to stop it. I can't do that while I'm here.

I jerk away from my loving parents, putting as much space between me and the ray as possible. Finding a safe spot a few yards away, I root my feet into the invisible floor, refusing to move even an inch closer. The urge to walk through captures you when too close. I refuse to be brainwashed into leaving behind my loved ones. If Zayn couldn't hypnotise me to do what he wants, neither will this stream of light.

"Lucy? What's wrong, Sunshine?" I stare at him with an expression of fear and confusion that makes them rush over to apply comfort. "Sweetie, what are you doing?" Mum holds me in her arms, the smell of her perfume steadying what feels like my heart reforming.

"I can't do it." She pushes me away, keeping me at an arm's length to inspect my face.

"What do you mean?" Dad places his hand on her hip, already seeing my thoughts and decision being made. "It's too early to give up, Mum. I will not be taken away from them. Did you wind up here when you both died?" Glancing between them, I find my answer written across their faces. "You've been sent here to help me decide when I want. This is the land between life and death where there is nothing because no one ends up here. I have the option to go back, I just don't know how."

"Love, this is the land between worlds. This is where lost souls are trapped because they cling to life they no longer have. We're here because you're refusing to let go, to save you." I knock her hands off of me, shaking my head with a deep frown. "No, you don't understand. If it was my time, I would know."

"Sunshine, we do understand. We didn't want to leave you." They nod at each other, then stop at my face. "I know, but you were prepared and ready. You died protecting us, a consequence you knew would happen and accepted with open arms." I point at him then Mum, "And you died when we were altogether like you wanted. You always said that when you knew I was going to be alright, then you were going to join Dad. That time came because you saw me defend myself and the boys were there to care for me. You were accepting your fate when you died and trusted me. But you came back when you believed there was something I needed to know, am I right?"