Ben

Chapter Three: Have Ben

    "Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you, and all the things you do..."
        -Yellow by Coldplay

    I've always related Ben to the stars, pretty to look at yet hot to the touch. It wasn't as if I could get to touch a star, I can't even reach one. And that is exactly how he is for me; he was out of my reach.

    Stars they say are but big balls of gas, nothing more. But the stars were put there for a reason. Stars can teach us one too many things.

    Stars -no matter how faint they are still tries to light up the dark skies.

    Stars stand as the guides of the lost souls in the raging seas. It shows us direction.

    It was an overrated metaphor I know. But Ben was exactly like that. He belongs among those who are vibrant. I call them creatures of the light.

    These are individuals who shine on their own; or rather belong to those who shine on their own. They were these people who can talk casually with others, who can laugh loudly with others, who become the center of attraction of others because of how energetic they are. They are the beautiful creatures that belong to the light.

    While me? I was here, kept in the same circle that I made sure was safe. I am afraid of going out of this circle that I have grown to become attached; my comfort zone.

      I have probably developed trust issues as I go beyond the boundaries of life. I figured that life can be very surprising and overwhelming. And I don't like that feeling. I don't like the feeling of being inside the light. I don't like the feeling of being noticed. I hated it because when people notice you, their expectations grow more too. It was not only their expectations that I was afraid of, I was also afraid of their perceptions about me.

       It's kinda dumb, me fearing the judgement of others? Although what I show is the exact opposite, I was very much careful of how I show myself to others, there are even times that I forget who I truly was and that is even more fearful than anything else.

       But there goes Ben. Unafraid of what others might say. I was sure of this for I have witnessed a lot from him that proves how true he is to himself.

       But he was also pretentious like me but not exactly like me. He was pretentious in a way that he enters a relationship but was afraid to commit. Only a guy with more than one failed relationships could be like this.

       It wasn't just because they didn't work, it was because he did not care whether it would work. Even I was not so sure about that. Perhaps he has his own reasons, but despite him being like that, I really did not mind. I believe that he was more of his parts. I believe that Ben as a whole is what matters.

       During break time, me and my friends sat on the benches fronting our building. We were talking about how cold the weather was and how'd I got lucky to have brought my jacket.

       "Crissa!"

    Someone from the second floor called out, it was a guy. The voice was familiar. I looked up to see who it was and to my surprise, it was him.

       "Can I borrow that jacket of yours? It looks dope."

    What in the world? Is this real, is he really talking to me?

    My eyes widened and hesitantly pointed at myself to confirm if it was really me he's talking to.

    He smiled and nodded.

    I was dumbfounded that my reply came out breathy.

    "O-okay."

    I said as I nodded.