Our Version of Parenting

Daily Life

*The Actual Bri Wrote These: blueberryjeno *
Kid:
Bri:
Bri: Say fuck
Kid: Fuck
Jeno: WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU'RE RUINING OUR CHILDS PURE BRAIN
Bri: Gotta blast
-
Kid: Mam what is sex
Bri: How I created you
Kid: But how does it work
Bri: Were the guy releases SPERM into the girls-
Jeno: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF
Bri: *stands up* Nothing bitch *runs away*
-
Kid: Mom why are you mean to dad
Bri: Because he's dumb but don't tell him
*Jeno walks into the room*
Bri: NOW WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT WATCHING PORN WITH YIUR FATHER'S ACCOUNT
Kid: Wha-
Jeno: Yeah I may be stupid but I have ears so who's the stupid one now
Bri: Still you
Kid: .
Jeno: If you would like to live so you can see our child's college graduation then I suggest you run
Bri: Bitch you can't catch me-
*Jeno starts counting*
Bri: OH SHIT YOU WERE SERIOUS
-
Bri: PENIS PENIS PENIS
Lydia: You're child is gonna be corrupted
Bri: And? Not my brain.
Jeno: BITCH I HEARD THAT
Bri: AND YOU CRUSTY HOE WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT
Jeno: Brielle Olivia I will not hesitate to take that fucking flip flop over there and slap you with it
Bri: Ah shit the middle name *takes flip flop quicker* PARRY THAT MOTHERFUCKER
Lydia: Well I mean you're correct
Bri: *throws flip flop at jeno*
Bri: BITCH I'M OUT HAVE FUN
-
Bri: Did you know sperm whales can't cum?
Kid: Wow wait really?
Bri: Yup
Kid: That's kinda cool actually
Bri: If only your father learned that
Kid: Hold up-
-
Lydia: No
Bri: Yes
Lydia: NO YOU CAN'T LET YOUR KID BE A STRIPPER IF THEIR CAREER FAILS
Bri: It's not my life
Lydia: You have a point but still
Bri: They're gonna get money anyway
Lydia: Okay then go ahead
Jeno: *blinks for 20 continuous seconds*
Bri: Oh hey Jeno-
Bri: Yeah I'm sleeping on the couch aren't I
Jeno: I'm not gonna answer that
Lydia: *Wheezing*
-
Bri: Your father doesn't know street humor
Kid: Demonstrate
Bri: Sis you be looking crusty, hoe you best get that hair fixed before I pull it out your scalp
Jeno: What I just took a shower and DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY HAIR. Since when was I your sister?
Bri: See he can't survive without me, I saved him from natural selection
-
Bri: You know jumping off of a bridge would be fun
Lydia: No-
Jeno: No-
Bri: DID I SPECIFY HOW AND WHY I WANTED TO
Lydia: But no-
Jeno: DID I STUTTER I SAID NO
Bri: Fine y'all are no fun
-
Bri: Do guys sit with their legs apart because they don't want to hurt their balls
Jeno: I-
Jaemin: Yeah I can confirm
Jeno: WHY DID YOU ANSWER HER
Jaemin: It was a good question
Kim: We-
Bri: At least SOMEONE agrees with me
-
Bri: So is jumping off of that bridge still on the table
Lydia: No-
Kim: No-
Bri: Why
Jeno: And she calls me the stupid one
Bri: I will fucking punch you sir
Jeno: Your tiny, you can't hurt ME
Bri: No but I can carry the child you were stupid enough to make
Jeno: You win
Bri: When do I not
-
Jeno: *eating chapstick
Bri: EW WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING
Jeno: It smelled good so I thought I would try it
Bri: NO THAT'S DISGUSTING
Jeno: Why it won't hurt me
Bri: BUT IT'S GROSS
Jeno: So is you eating cheese and yoghurt together I don't complain
Bri: So is childbirth but guess who didn't complain about it in the first place
Jeno: ...
Jeno: Why do you always win
Bri: I have four sisters and I'm the middle child, Iearned how to deal with stupidity
-
Kim: Be honest did you really want a child that's 10x worse than you
Bri: NO I DID NOT
Kim: Yeah you've been too nice about it
Bri: Children are evil things from hell
Kim: Well now we know how your child is going to turn out
Bri: A crackhead yes
Bri: That little THING isn't gonna have -69 fucking braincells like it's FATHER
Jeno: I right here
Bri: Yeah I know
Jeno: 😐
-
Jam: Who do I have to fight this time
Bri: Jeno
Jam: Why-
Bri: Because he ate my food
Jam: AIGHT BITCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU BE
Jeno: Stop yelling- OH SHIT
Jam: FOOD IS TO BE RESPECTED NOT TREATED LIKE IT DOESN'T BELONG TO ANYONE
*proceeds to beat the shit out of Jeno*
Jeno: BRIELLE JESUS CHRIST HELP GODDAMMIT
Bri: No
Jeno: I love you?
Bri: Yeah I love me too
-
Bri: I AM THE GAYEST OF THEM ALL
Jeno: How does that make any sense
Bri: Many things don't make sense
Jeno: But if you're gay then how did we have a child
Bri: Can you not take a joke?
Bri: also have you met me?
Bri: My personality is GAY
Jeno: But why-
Bri: *straight up slaps the hoe
Bri: Shut the fuck up
Jeno: Wow I-
Bri: 👀 the fuck I just say
-
Bri: YOU BITCH WHY DID YOU MAKE ME HIT MY FOOT YOU FUCKFACE FUCK YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
Lydia: *dying of laughter
Bri: YOU MOTHERFUCKER FUCKING DIE YOU FIRE HYDRANT
Bri: *tries to kick the hydrant again
Jeno: That's enough outside for today * drags her away while Lydia is still dying
Bri: I WILL FIND AND KILL YOU HOE
Jeno: No-
Bri: *proceed to kick him in the shin
Bri: FUCK YOU BITCH I HOPE SOME DOG PISSES ON YOU BASTARD
Lydia: And this is why you're my favorite niece
-
Bri: *trips over a rock
Bri: BITCH
Jeno: I don't know her please help
Lydia: Yes you do, she wasn't the one crying all night because she had to visit her parents
Jeno: We don't speak of that
Lydia: I filmed you doing it
Jeno: YOU WHAT
Lydia: I can gladly pull it up and show her
Jeno: No-
Lydia: BRI
Bri: What
*proceeds to show her a video of someone eating remote buttons instead
Jeno: You dirty son of a-
Bri: Gonna act like I didn't hear your conversation while I was yelling at the rock
-
Jeno: *bites finger
Bri: *looks over
Bri: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YIU DOING
Jeno: It's a habit leave me aloneee
Bri: No, you probably don't remember where you put those things YOU NASTY
Jeno: You're probably right
Bri: Yeah, I know, goldfish boy
-
Jeno: Hi since your up can you make me some food
Bri: ... no
Jeno: Why, you're already up
Bri: I. Am. Not. Your. Mother. So. Shut. Up. Lee. Jeno.
Jeno: Well at least I asked
Bri: Yes you did, but I'm not needy
Bri: Like some people
-
Bri: *smells like weed while watching the child*
Jeno: THE FUCK
Bri: SHUT UP YOU SPATULA LOOKIN ASS FLATBREAD
Jeno: What did I say about SMOKING near the child
Bri: I DON'T REMEMBER SHIT DUMBASS NOW LEAVE ME TO SMOKE IN PEACE
Jeno: Yeah, no *takes the weed*
Bri: YOU BITCHASS GIVE IT BACK YOU ZUCCHINI BAG
Jeno: What-
Jeno: That was funny being 100% honest
Bri: Yeah that's because I'm FUNNY
Jeno: And we're back
Bri: I will punch you
Jeno: * gives back the weed*
Jeno: I like high Bri better, have fun and stay safe
Bri: THAT'S WHAT SHOULD'VE HAPPENED BUT YOU HAD TO BE STUPID AGAIN
Jeno: Yup love you too
-
Bri: *is high*
Lydia: *is high*
Jeno: WHY ISN'T JISUNG HERE
Bri: BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE YOUR FRYING PAN LOOKING CRUSTY HOE ASS
Jeno: What
-
Bri: LUIGI GET THE DOG OFFA THE TABLE
Jeno: WHO THE FUCK IS LUIGI AND WHEN DID WE HAVE A DOG
Bri: DID I STUTTER GET THE DOG OFFA THE FUCKING TABLE
Jeno: WHAT DOG
Bri: THE ONE ON THE TABLE STUPID
Jeno: *locks Bri in the bathroom*
Bri: BUT THE FUCKING DOG LUIGI
-
Jeno: What are those
Bri: Tampons
Jeno: What about those
Bri: Pads
Jeno: It says it has wings
Jeno: Can it fly
Bri: No idiot
Jeno: Why do you need them anyway
Bri: Because women are so evil that satan has to drain their blood once a month so we don't snap and kill someone
Jeno: Wow I didn't know that
Jeno: You're not evil you're just mean
Bri: I know
Jeno: You just don't want me to see you nice huh
Bri: I will scream bloody murder if you don't stop
Jeno: Awe *tries to hug Bri*
Bri: DON'T TOUCH ME WHORE
Jeno: Yeah I love you too
-
Bri: Yeah so this is my dad
Dad: Nice to meet you
Jeno: Ah same here
Bri: K cool I'm gonna watch my kid while you guys talk about dad stuff because I don't care
Dad: I'm proud of raising you
Bri: Thank you sir
Jeno: How did you percieve Bri
Dad: HOW DID I WHAT
Jeno: You know, make her
Dad: Kid I'm gonna be real here, you're stupid
Jeno: Yeah she says the same
Bri: DAMN RIGHG I DO
Dad: I don't blame her, as long as you're kind then I really don't give a fuck what you do
Bri: He let me smoke weed after we had the kid
Dad: That's a mood
-